Victimhood

Do I have the victim mentality? Hells yeah.

This past year, I've been moping around going, 'Why ain't life working out for me? Why doesn't anyone care?'

Uh, duh? I mean, people do care. That was quite obvious. But they can only care so much. And then, at some point, I have to start caring about myself. Because people can show you how great you are, but the only person that can do jack shit about it is yourself.

Yeah, victimhood is easy. It's easy to say, "Well, if only [x] then [y]!" And then you just go around saying that to yourself until you believe it like the Gospel (well, most people don't believe the Gospel anymore, but that's another topic all by itself). And you look at people and say, "Jeese, you're a shitty person for not making me feel better. How DARE YOU not DO something to make me feel better!" because you think they should see the false story that you've built up in your head. But they can't BECAUSE it's false!

And then the victimhoodedness goes on and on and on and -- well, you get the idea. It feeds on itself, until pretty soon people look at you and think, "What a shame. He could have been so [x], but now he's just lost it." And then they still care, but they distance themselves. But that's not even a fair description because THEY'RE not the ones building up the distance, YOU are.

I know, all of you probably already know all this. But I just felt like getting it all out in the open for myself.

And because I have this forum, I'd like to apologize for this past year. I was playing a part that had been set up for me, by myself and others. I was playing the victim, and dragging everyone down with me. And for that I apologize.

And at the same time, I thank you all for sticking by me, for being my friend, for caring. I hope that someday I can be as good a friend to someone as you have all been to me.

And now that I've got THAT out of the way, how's the weather? It's pretty hot our here in Indiana, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to Chi. :)

Namaste.