Shadow Boxing: Round One - Relationships

Note: Yeah, after I finished writing, I've realized this post is really, really "me"-specific, so I don't know if anyone else will find it interesting. If you do, God bless. If you don't, that's understandable. All in all, it offers you a look into the inner working of David Darmon, and possible psychological tools you can use to unroot your own "shadows."

I've been putting off writing this post for far too long. Well, I've only had this exact idea for a little over three days, but the general concept has been floating around in my subconscious for well over the past three months.

First, a brief explanation. I'm going to start a "shadow boxing" series to examine the shadows hiding around in my psyche. The term "shadow boxing" is a play on words (because I'm ever so witty) meaning a battle with my "shadow." In psychology, or at least, in Jungian psychology, a shadow is "a part of the unconscious mind which is mysterious and often disagreeable to the conscious mind, but which is also relatively close to the conscious mind" (Wikipedia). In my terms, it's something about yourself that you've decided to repress and therefore your psyche projects that quality onto everything you see in order for YOU to see it in yourself. Convoluted and confusing? Sure. But apparently it's fo' real.

The shadow to be boxed in this segment is my relationship with, well, relationships. I don't mean the non-platonic kind, either. Just plain old platonic friendships, or really any type of link with people in general.

Where to start on this topic? God, I don't even know, so I guess I'll just start somewhere and see where that goes. How have I practiced the work of relationships for the past, well, my life? I like to put it this way: I've been a master in the art of introversion. That's a good way to explain my actions, because it doesn't limit me to "being an introvert" nor does it take the responsibility away from me as to my present predisposition. There it is, then, I've been "practicing the art of introversion."

Over the past few weeks or even months, I've come to realize that I'm relatively introverted for one reason and one reason only: my beliefs about life (of course, that can be said about just about any behavior, but for now, I'm going to limit this fact to the discussion of social interactions). Of course, anyone who knows me could immediately pick up on this. All my friends poke fun at the fact that I went to governor's school and made no friends because I "didn't think it was worth it." Truth be told, though, that was the reason I made no friends. I don't honestly think I could think of any other reason. It's not that I'm not capable of social interaction (I have plenty of friends in Chi that could speak for my average abilities in socializing) nor that I didn't have the oppurtunity (plenty of people made lasting friendships at Gov School). Rather, the simple fact that I felt that the effort to make friends outweighed the benefits of making friends can explain everything.

Now, this effort to benefit ratio is a perfectly fine way to plan my life, IF it's a real reflection of reality and my deeper desires about life. Obviously, I wouldn't be writing this if I thought it actually was. In fact, I know that I might have greatly enjoyed the friendships I might have made at Gov school. I also know that if I had allowed this belief to govern my actions while in Chi, I would have never made any of the truly amazing friendships I currently have. So, then, I can't just let the facts stand, I have to act on them.

The action is really rather simple, though the process may be convoluted and long. This whole issue comes down to a matter of proactivity versus reactivity. In most cases, the friendships I've made have been reactive: extroverted people have come along and taken me in, introduced me to new people, and in general guided the social current of my life. Fortunately for me, these people have good taste in friends, and I've ended up with quite the great collection. :)

Unfortunate, however, is the fact that college is just around the bend, and I'm about to enter a whole new arena with a whole different pool of people. If I should continue to allow this "rule" of mine to guide my decisions socially, I'll be allowing a subconscious, and more importantly, FALSE, belief guide my actions. Bad move all around. Proactivity, then, is the only conscious, fully human way to deal with realtionships in this new setting. So I'd better start now.

This post has already gone on way too long, though I do have many more things to say. The rest I'll probably just do privately, on my own, unless anyone really wants me to continue to "think out loud."

Here's to shadow boxing! Or just shining a light on those dark places so that all the cockroaches can run away because of taxis. No, not the yellow kind. :)

Namaste.

PS - I do appreciate everyone's efforts to make me stand by my word that I want to be more "extroverted." With time and some effort, I'll get there. Or die trying!