Awareness, Time, and Break

Over the past few days, I've been assaulted by a definite sense of impermanence, of the fluidity of time. I don't know how anyone else feels, but I feel like life is going by way too fast, there are way too many things to get done, and I just don't have the ability to do them all.

I think a lot of this acute awareness of time has come about because of time management work I've been doing over break. I spent about half a day (in total, not all at once) over break rehashing how, when, and why I spend my time. I must say, it's made me much more relaxed and confident in my ability to get done what I want to get done. At the same time, when I look at a list of all the things I want to get done and see the measely dent make each day, I get scared. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, but it's still ignorance.

This new realization that time is rushing by faster than I can deal with might have to do with many things. It might have to do with the fact that Spring Break, a whole week, went by in the blink of an eye. It might have to do with the fact that Science Olympiad is coming up in TWO weeks, or that AP tests are in three. Heck, it might even have to do with the fact that we'll be graduating in about sixty days. Yeah, it probably has to do with all of those things.

It might also have to do with my fear of change, of challenge, of facing the new and unknown; with my small self screaming and wailing that it doesn't want to get out of this comfortable home known as Chichester that I've lived in for eighteen years; with the fact that the only constant in the universe is, ironically, change.

Yeah, it might have to do with all of those things.

It's strange how when you start to pay attention to something, when you truly give it your full awareness, it seems to get worse right away. Take mindfulness meditation for example. The second you start to pay attention to your thoughts, it suddenly seems as if you have one hundred times more thoughts than you've ever had in your life. Really, though, those thoughts were there the entire time, they just don't become noticeable until you hold them in your awareness. Same thing with time: the time has been passing just as quickly, it's simply that with my new focus, the current appears quicker.

No matter the scenario or cause, the fact still remains that seven days have passed.

Memento mori. Remember that we all die.

Namaste.