About two hours ago, this major malaise set in over me. Not like I was really depressed or anything. Just that I really, honestly didn't feel like doing anything. Well, not really do nothing. I just didn't feel like creating. As of late, as I've said, I've been trying to create more and more through myself rather than just digesting the works of others. In the past two weeks or so, I've been randomly coming across quotes and passages, sometimes in school and sometimes at home, relating to this idea. And not with me looking for them. Weird.
But the point is/was that I just didn't feel like doing anything. And it's not like I was in some sort of pure state of being. No, more like I just felt like "bleh." Yep, that's the best way to state it.
I'm sure we've all felt that way before. This sense that we're just not doing anything with our life. And at the same time, a strong desire NOT to go about doing anything. It's a contradiction if I've ever seen one. Life is throwing us this giant signal saying, "Hey you, you're not happy doing what you're doing! Go do something else," and we telegraph back, "Sorry, I'm enjoying being miserable too much. Try again later." I've come across a definition of insanity as follows, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." If that's the definition of insanity, than I'm sorry to say that the majority of humanity is insane, myself included.
Luckily for me however, the malaise passed relatively quickly. I got out of the quagmire through some creative writing, something I find myself doing frequently as a means to make myself feel less, well, quagmirey. And amazingly, after I get out, I stay out for at least the rest of the day. Like, right now, honestly feel like doing something. I want to write this, and I want to work on other projects. And I don't feel the least bit lethargic or tired.
It's a funny thing, states. States like malaise/ecstasy, depression/joy, anger/love. They're all different sides of the same coin. And half the time all it takes to see that is to flip the coin over. Maybe I'm too much into New Age thought and the Self-Help Movement (though I'd like to think I've grown past that part of my development since 11th grade onward), but sometimes all it takes to get out of a slump is to change your mind.
Or at least, that's worked for me in the past few days. But no matter how much I improve in the intrapersonal, I'll still be lacking in the interpersonal areas. That's a bridge into another idea that I've been bouncing around that I might get to posting today. But anyway, my point is that I need you, people, because no man is an island, no matter how well I may learn to control my states. And I wouldn't want to lose people. Because if there's one thing I fear, it's a world with only me in it.
That's all for now. Enjoy your weekend. It's the first one I've had since God knows when that doesn't have any planned activities in it.
Namaste.
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2 comments:
wow dave
reading this thing makes me truly believe that im not alone!! its like you and i are on the same brain wave all the time, its so weird!
Lol... I must really really be insane.
A little comment about your interpersonal skills though... don't categorize yourself so liberally. Here's the cycle that people make and how it shall be broken. First, they notice that something is hard. Then they notice that other people have mastered it. Then you say, oh well, I guess I can't do it.
Here's how you break it:
1.)Hypothetical situation: you were good at it. Would you be happy? If yes, then proceed to 2.
2.)Since you have pinpointed a desire to have a skill, you must begin to think now. If you were to obtain the skill, you would be happy... all of the suffering and effort you had to put into it would just be added onto the plaque of achievement. Proceed to 3, whether you agree or not.
3.)Even though you may believe that you're willing to work for a skill, you will encounter hardships that will make you second guess the purpose of your expedition because it bends your integrity and comfort.
You have to honestly believe that you will succeed. Imagine yourself succeeding. Don't prepare for failure because that will cause failure. If you don't truly believe that you will succeed, you may find yourself satirically wishing for success. That's bad. Satire is your worst enemy in achievement. Your task cannot recognize your humor, so do not use it as a weapon.
Meh-basically what I'm saying with this comment is "you can do it if you put your mind to it!" But that's ambiguous, and ambiguous things should die.
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