Godizzle is in the House (GodAIM, Part I)

I've come up with this great story idea. It goes something like this: what if you could find the screenname of God? What would he be like? How would he talk? Would he use emoticons? I present to you my interpretation of God via AIM, or GodAIM.

Important Note: This is semi-satirical and all in fun. I don't actually talk to God via AIM. And I most certainly don't claim to know God's thoughts, intentions, or use of emoticons. But I do think that this is an interesting exercise that at the same time is relatively funny (though if you disagree, feel free to comment and tell me my humor, well, sucks). And at the least, it allowed me to pump that creative muscle that is my mind.

And with that warning aside, so begins part one of The GodAIM Series.

SexyDaveDarmon: I'm going to throw this one out there. Are u there God?

Godizzle: Yo, yo, yo. This is Goddizle speaking. What's up with u?

SexyDaveDarmon: ROFL. I would have never expected God to have the screename "godizzle." I have to admit, that's rather charming. :)

Godizzle: Would you rather I have the name "TheMagnificentYahweh" or "TheIndefigitableAllah"? Would those names put you more at ease with societies views of me?

SexyDaveDarmon: No, no, no, not at all. Sorry. I don't really want to piss GOD off...

Godizzle: LOL. Chill out dude. Do you really think that you could piss me, all that is, was, and ever shall be, off? I mean, come on, one of you dudes totally gased millions of humans, a bunch of you went on shitty holy wars in MY name, and you think I'm going to get pissed off with you? No, sir. That, I will not do.

SexyDaveDarmon: Thanks, um, God. That's a little reassuring. I mean, that means I can totally go all out and be all sorts of honest with you?

Godizzle: Well, if you can't be honest with God, who CAN you be honest with. I mean, honestly.

SexyDaveDarmon: LOL. Who knew that God was a comedian...

Godizzle: Kid, when you have to deal with the s@#t I have to, it's a job requirement.

SexyDaveDarmon: Okay, okay, um, let me get back on topic. So, about how many people are you IMing with right now?

Godizzle: Right now? You mean, this infinite moment in the stream of infinite moments? About 6.5 billion people. Give or take a few 100 million.

SexyDaveDarmon: 6.5... damn, that's a lot of people. Wait, isn't that like, all the people that are alive today?

Godizzle: Give or take. I don't have the exact numbers. Jesus is getting back to me on that.

SexyDaveDarmon: You mean that...

Godizzle: Try not to take me so seriously. I think it might make this whole thing a lot easier on you. I mean, if you didn't take me seriously.

SexyDaveDarmon: Okay, don't take God literally. Well, if THAT isn't a novel idea.

Godizzle: Hey man, don't blame all that fundamentalist shit on ME. I can only work with the level of understanding that I'm presented with. Trust me, crazy tribal wars in the name of a volcano god are about 100% better than the all out brawls that were going on before that. Cave men = shitty community makers.

SexyDaveDarmon: Okay, okay, I'll try and cut GOD some slack. But, what do you mean you can only work with what you're given. I mean, you're freaking God, aren't you?

Godizzle: Oh, oh, oh, and now since I'm God, I'm supposed to be able to do everything. What do you think I am, some sort of thing that controls all things? No, you have it all wrong, I am in all things, and all things are in me.

SexyDaveDarmon: So, your more of a Brahman than a Yahweh?

Godizzle: Dude, do you think that those labels even begin to describe me? I mean, come on. Like I said before, I am all that is, all that was, and all that ever shall be. In addition to being all that ever wasn't. In other words, don't even try to describe me.

SexyDaveDarmon: Yeah, yeah, I know. But I'm trying to get a handle on this whole "God" idea, at least in terms of how we in the western world interpret you. I mean, on my side of the street (the west), most people still see you as a white bearded old man sitting up in the clouds a la Zeus. How close is that?

Godizzle: Haven't you guys been to the moon already? Did you find me in the clouds, on the moon, on Mars? No, I'm not some anthropocentric Zeus God. Though that is kind of insulting. If I could take on any form, what makes you think I'd take on the form of YOU. Humans aren't THE most attractive beings in all the Kosmos.

SexyDaveDarmon: LOL. Point taken. Okay, so your not like, Superman. Makes sense.

Godizzle: Ooh, look at how the time flys. I've got to catch the latest episode of Desperate Housewives...

SexyDaveDarmon: Wait, you mean you...

Godizzle: What'd I tell you about taking me seriously?

SexyDaveDarmon: Oh, right.

Godizzle: But I do love their suburban antics.

SexyDaveDarmon: But...

Godizzle: I'll talk to you later.

SexyDaveDarmon: Um, later... God.