Mmmmm, Sea of Information

I'm just taking a brief break before gorging on the rest of the info I need to read for tomorrow's super important Hi-Q meet. I have to admit, the idea of "single-handling" has saved my life. I'll write about it a little later, after Hell Week has passed. It's really just common sense. In fact, you're probably already doing it.

The point is, my brain is jam packed with delicious little tidbits of tasty facts. Facts that will hopefully continue to leave a good taste in my mouth until after 2 PM tomorrow. If you know what I mean.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hi-Q makes me high. Interesting.

Namaste.

A Legacy?

The next week is like finals week at college: the most important match of our Hi-Q season is Monday, and regionals of Science Olympiad is Wednesday. Those are the two chances for Chi to make something of itself. Two chances to put Chi on the map.

Thinking about this, I had a very strange thought a few days ago. "Why?" Namely, why do I care. I know that I care about these two days, but why? I realize I'm a senior, so I won't even be at Chichester next year. I'll never attend a Science Olympiad competition again. I'll never be in another Hi-Q match. This is the end. This is it. So why care?

"Why care?" is the larger question. An existential question of sorts. My question about caring about Sci O and Hi-Q is the exact same question about asking why one should care about life. The honest answer to both these questions is "Because I choose to." Nothing more, and nothing less.

I/We can only hope to leave a legacy. After we get first in Hi-Q (fingers crossed) and go to States (other fingers crossed), we'll have set a precedent for future students. We'll have set up a morphogenetic wave at Chi that can really make a difference. Similar to when the "impossible" to beat 4 minute mile was beaten, and then suddenly people all across the world were breaking the 4 minute mile.

A legacy, then. A legacy.

Namaste.

PS I wrote this while listening to Ragtime, so if it makes no sense, that's why. I don't think musicals should be used as backgroud music. They're not really the sort of music you can just ignore. Lesson learned. :)

Why Me-at?

In yet another synchronous turn of events, I came across an interesting Flash Video on the interweb called The Meatrix. It takes a novel look at our current way of producing animals and animal products for consumption.

Yeah, I know, I'm a pinko, liberal commie, treehugging hippie, but if people are going to keep asking me about why I'm a vegetarian, I might as well give them some reasons. Other than the "complex nervous system" one.

Though I know you only do it because you love me. :)

Just something to think about. Note that the makers of this site don't advocate vegetarianism. They only advocate a more humane, more economic, and more environmentally sound way of producing that meat you love to eat.

Namaste.

I had long ago decided that there were two kinds of people who believed in universal Spirit -- those who were not too bright (e.g., Oral Roberts), and those who were extremely bright (e.g., Einstein). Those in between made it a point of "intellectual" merit not to believe in God, or anything transrational for that matter. Anyway, Treya and I believed in God, as one's deepest Ground and Goal, which meant we were either very bright or slightly dumb. And by "God" I do not mean an anthropomorphic father figure (or mother figure), but rather a pure awareness, or consciousness as such, that is what there is and all there is, a consciousness that one cultivates in meditation and actualizes in daily life.

From Grace and Grit by Ken Wilber

Molehills and Mountains

After careful inspection, I have decided that I was in fact making mountains out of molehills. During school today, I was thinking about how stressful today, tomorrow, and next week will be. I bitched about it some. I brought up the fact that I didn't feel like doing anything. And then I didn't do anything.

When I got home, I ate dinner, took a shower, and sat down. Then I wrote down what I had to do. The list turned out to be shorter than I'd thought. Only four items in fact: finish physics lab; study for Hi-Q; study for Science Olympiad; and study for Bio. Hm, that's a much shorter list than the one in my head.

Then I finished the physics, and then I finished the Hi-Q. And then I realized that the bio test is on the easiest topic of all time: evolution. Well, maybe next to ecology.

Suddenly, the unsurmountable mountain became quite mountable. I realized that I was indeed sweating the small stuff. And yes, it's all small stuff.

That's not to say that I don't care about Science Olympiad or Hi-Q. No, I care deeply about how well we do. Heck, this is my last year in them. I just realized that stressing out about what I might be doing is far less effective than relaxing and actually getting some things done. As with all things in life, negative emotional states are rarely conducive to getting positive results.

So now that I'm balanced, happy, and relaxed, I say good night.

In conclusion: inhale, exhale. And smile. :)

PS - I now know who did this. I'd just like to say that I have a newfound respect for Brett and Laura. I never would have seen it coming. :)

Hell Week

Well, the next week is going to be major fun. And by major fun I mean, "Ouch!"

With Science Olympiad and Hi-Q coming to their climaxes in the next 7 days, and two Bio tests, and the play, amongst other things, in the background, this week will be fun.

And I don't know why I posted this. Probably because I'd feel bad if I didn't post anything. And it's already written. Might as well post it.

Namaste.

I loathed this whole dating routine; it was right up there with a root canal. So what was so wrong with dying alone, miserable and wretched? Beats dating.

Ken Wilber, from Grace and Grit

Because I Couldn't Possibly Pass This Up...

Earth Hurtles Toward 6.5 Billion

That's right, Planet Earth will probably pass the 6.5 billion mark over the next week. Not that I really care that much, but I just figured considering that one of the themes of this year is "world population control," I'd be remiss in my duties in not mentioning this.

Oh, and for the Fermi Questions people, apparently there about 300 million people in the US. Just in case you needed to know. You can find that number, updated daily, here, along with the world population.

Technology. Crazy ass shit.

PS - Speaking of shitty technology, the SO CD is being a major bitch. It's got a weird place where the metal is missing. I sure hope it was that way before I got to it. I think it was... Anyway, it's preventing me from getting the raw footage off the CD. Grrrr. Though Mr. B's editted video works beautifully. Sigh, hopefully I can fix it / find someone else who has the CD.

Namaste.

PPS - Man, I'm digging this song (well, that didn't work quite as planned... the song is "Let's Get it Started"). Heard it on BenFM today (not for the first time), and I thought, "Man, I have to have this song!" Hip-hop can be so... exhilirating. Sometimes. :)

Waiting to Exhale

Wow, today's been a whirlwind of a day. It feels like it was just noon.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot. Well, thinking about how much I should not be thinking. I finished a book over the weekend entitled Blue Jean Buddha. It's a compilation of life stories from some 25 odd young Buddhists (aged 20 to 30, approximately). Needless to say, I was inspired by their selflessness, their care, and their passion (I highly recommend the book, if your Buddhist or not).

Then I came across Brian Johnson, Zaadz, and thinkarete, and was FURTHER inspired. The group of people involved in Zaadz and thinkarete really want to change the world, hardcore, and for the better. What they're capable of doing, while still being happier, healthier, and cooler than the majority of the United States population just dazzles me.

And then I look at my life here, and it all seems so very insignificant. What the heck am I doing for this global revolution? It's like it's 1776, the British are here, and I'm sitting on my butt in Florida somewhere, thinking about how much I'd love to fight for the colonies independence, but only THINKING about it. I want to do something, something right here and right now, to get involved.

I'd like to do it within some sort of community because to be honest, I've been doing this sort of thing solo on and off for the past three years. Though I realize that Dave has a point, noone wants to join me on my "nerdquest." I guess these things don't really interest most people my age, and that's cool. Different strokes for different furthers. I just wish I wasn't painting abstract while everyone else is doing awesome realism. Sigh.

Brian Johnson suggests that to "thinkarete," I must simply find what I love and do more of it. After taking that suggestion to heart, I discovered my passion is to think creatively to solve problems. Whether it's a Calculus problem or a life problem, I just love to find solutions via whatever tools I have, and often discover new tools in the process (wow, if that doesn't completely explain...). Unfortunately, I haven't really tapped this passion in anything other than school. Yeah, great, I do well in school. Unfortunately, school is only 20% of my life. When will all the inspiration lead to something? When will I start to solve the problems that really matter?

Inspiration, the thing that Brian, Zaadz, thinkarete, Integral, and Buddism give me, is Greek for "to breath in." Breathing in is great. All the oxygen flows into my lungs, floats through my blood, and pumps through my body, giving me life. The oxygen literally burns to fuel me. I'm "inspired."

And yet, I need to expire sometime. Breathing is a cycle. If I only inhaled, well, I'd die. The exhalation is just as important as the inpiration. So, that means exhalation is like exaltation, the state of creating, of bringing forth. Inhale, exhale. Inpsiration, exhalation. Yin, yang.

Balancing the opposites is the trick.

I guess that balancing act will have to be what I'm doing for this movement, this cultural revolution. God, this shit is hott. :)

Namaste.

ThinkArete, eh?

While surfing the web (because that's all I do with my free time, well, in addition to everything else I do), I came accross this awesome website called thinkarete. I must say, it's one of the most beautiful sites I've seen created by a most beautiful person. When I see how much passion Brian Johnson has for life, I'm just floored. I've been asked why I study philosophy and how it help me in life. Sometimes, I wonder the same things but then I look at this guy, and I realize, "Dude, this guy is why. He gets it, he really gets it. He's freaking AWAKE."

I highly recommend the Philosophy Note's section. Admittedly, I haven't actually started it yet (it starts tomorrow), but the bonus material that goes with it is making me get all warm in my heart-al regions.

Just thought I'd share. Self-actualization. Hm, that does sound so much better than "self-help" or "personal development."

So, self-actualization it is.

Wanna join me?

Davis Does Dallas... I Mean, Religion

Warning: As you may be able to tell from the title, the following link isn't for the prudish among us. But reality isn't PG. Read at your own risk.

Fucking Nondual Fundamentalist Buddhism:

Stuart Davis gives an interesting take on why he's Buddhist. At the same time, he thoroughly castrates Fundamentalist Religion while calling it out for what it really is: childish.

If you can get past all the profanities and references to sex (well, actually, why get past them?), this is an extremely thoughtful post on religion in the modern world.

I <3 My Friends

I love my friends. :)

My only complaint: Why wasn't I invited along for the fun?

The Population Problem: A Humanistic Approach

As any of you who read Dave McClung's Xanga know, the topic of population growth has been hot (well, between him and me, at least) for the past three or four months. I'm not going to rehash anything that's already been said about whether or not the world's going pot, whether or not we need to do something about it, etc. That's already been said.

Instead, I'm going to take a different perspective on the idea of population control. While staring out my window today, daydreaming, a thought came to my mind. 'What's more important, the quantity of lives lived, or the quality of lives lived?' This wasn't a new thought, but the context of the thought had shifted. Before I get to that, let me examine this thought in more depth.

This isn't a question we (and by we, I mean Dave and I) have really asked, but in truth, it's just a reframing of the age old question, "What's more important, quantity or quality?" This question has been on mankind's mind since science really began to stick out it's prebuscent kneck and start making observations. I'm not going to get into that now, however, because that would be an entire series of posts unto itself (and we all know how well I do with series).

So, which is more important? Because if it's quantity, than by God, we do have a duty to make as many people as there are stars in the Heavens. If, though, it's quality, then we must control ourselves and refrain from reproducing like bacteria in a petri dish and instead focus on the quality of the lives we can maintain, to a certain fixed quantity.

I honestly don't have an answer to this question. I've thought about it on and off while daydreaming. It's a sort of paradox, to me at least. The more people there are, the more lives lived, but who's to say that 100 lives lived poorly are worth just one life lived well. And who is to be the judge as to what a life lived well is? It's the reframing of the question, "If you could kill one person and save a million, would you do it?" I don't know.

This topic especially disturbs me because one of my beliefs about human rights is that every person has at least the right to live. With that one assertion, though, nearly all my beliefs about human rights, freedom, etc., begin to fall like a house of cards. Contradictions crop up like weeds in what I thought was an elegant garden. Suddenly, all my best laid plans go to waste.

As I said, I don't have an answer to this question. However, I do have an interesting solution. And here's the shift in my thinking that I was talking about. While thinking about rebirth, I wondered, "Could it be possible that every possible to lived would be lived after a given amount of time?" First we must assume that the majority of physicists are wrong and that the universe won't continue spiralling out into oblivion, moving further and further from order to disorder. Then we must assume that, on the contrary, the universe is cyclical and goes from expansion to contraction to expansion and back again, for an eternity. In such a case we could assume during one of those expansions, after an infinite number of times, all the people that ever could have existed would eventually exist. Every life that could be lived would be lived. An infinite number of possibilities, an infinite number of lifes.

And a resolution to my paradox, if a far-fetched one.

But isn't the universe far-fetched?

Namaste.

Interesting Survey

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 94% Postmodernist 69% Existentialist 63% Idealist 63% Romanticist 38% Fundamentalist 19% Materialist 19% Modernist 13% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

I found this interesting survey while browsing Steve Pavlina's blog. I'm apparently a Cultural Creative. Haha. Yeah, that's because I immerse myself in the Integral Scene. I can pretend I'm creative, can't I? :)

Find out what worldview you're coming from. It should be at least a little mind expanding. Feel free to post your results here.

Namaste.

It's Buddha, Stupid!

Over the past month, I've become engrossed in Buddhism. I used to consider myself non-doctrinal, a non-practitioner of any specific religion. However, the more I thought about it, I realized if I wanted to have anything resembling a real spiritual practice, I'd have to choose a single practice and work with it as a main framework to embellish with other faiths.

I guess I've chosen Buddhism. Hinduism comes in close second, but I just like the general flavor of Buddhism. Christianity's cool too, but it just doesn't have the user manual feel that Buddhism has. No "Four Noble Truths" or "Eightfold Path." In effect, the Bible is a lot harder to learn from than Buddhist doctrine. All that Jesus really left us with was, "Love thy neighbor as thyself, and love God." Admittedly, that's a lot, but I'm a details person. Details, Jesus, details! So, Buddha wins this one, though Jesus definitely wins the selfless award of the past two millenia.

Another thing about Buddhism that I love is the science-iness of it. No matter what a certain English teacher says, not all religions are based on faith. Buddhism gives you a practice and says, "See what happens." If you experience not-self, or impermanence, or the pervasiveness of dukkha, that's fine. If you don't, then use what you've found to learn more about reality and share it with your community. Buddhism may not be a materialistic science, but none of the sciences really are, other than physics. Buddhism is one of the best introspective sciences.

I realize that calling myself a Buddhist is kind of a lie. I guess I shouldn't call myself that unless I really take refuge officially. Unfortunately, Buddhism isn't really prevalent in Pennsylvania. It's apparently all over the place in New York and New England. But not here in PA. Sigh. Though, in Buddhism, taking refuge isn't quite as important as say, getting baptized in Christianity is.

I'll just continue on my own personal path. I've been meditating for a little over three months consistently. I've been working on looking at my thoughts as they are: empty. And I've been trying, despite several clever attempts of my ego to stop me, to be more compassionate. I don't know how well these things have been working, but I definitely have been noticing changes over the past week. While sitting in meditation, even though I'm sick, I've felt the urge and ability to stay past my normal 10 minute mark. While listening to things that normally annoy me (like NASCAR¹), I find myself laughing at the anger as it arises. And while approaching strangers, I find myself realizing it's always better to meet them with a smile and a greeting than with a downturned gaze.

I'm glad I found Buddhism. I'm glad I live today, in a world that allows cultures to collide and cocreate. I'm glad life is all finally starting to make sense.

And now, that stereotypical phrase that I've beaten to death:

Namaste.

¹ Let me state that I have nothing against NASCAR, per se. It's just, during NASCAR season, it's the only thing on in my house. Nearly 24/7. Whenever I go downstairs, I'm assaulted by a race, or a documentary of a race that happened last week, or a show about a race about to happen. Everything in moderation. Even NASCAR.

Mood Rings by Relient K

We all know the girls that I am talking about
Well they are time bombs and they are ticking
And the only question’s when they’ll blow up
And they’ll blow up; we know that without a doubt
Cause they’re those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them

And I’ve contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Let’s get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we’ll be tipped off to when they’re ticked off
Cause we’ll know just what they’re thinking
Cause what they’re thinking...

She’s so pretty but she but doesn’t always act that way
Her mood’s out swinging on the swing set almost every day
She said to me that she’s so happy it’s depressing
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring

If it’s drama you want then look no further
They’re like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
And it just kills me how they get away with murder
They’ll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize

And I’ve contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Let’s get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So we’ll be tipped off to when they’re ticked off
Cause we’ll know just what they’re thinking
Cause what they’re thinking...

She’s so pretty but she but doesn’t always act that way
Her mood’s out swinging on the swing set almost every day
She said to me that she’s so stressed out that it’s soothing
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring

Cause when it’s black (it) means watch your back because you’re probably
The last person in the world right now she wants to see
And when it’s blue it means that you should call her up immediately
And ask her out because she’ll most likely agree
And when it’s green it simply means that she is really stressed
And when it’s clear it means she’s completely emotionless (and that’s all right I must confess)

We all know the girls that I am talking about
She liked you wednesday but now it’s friday and she has to wash her hair
And it just figures that we’ll never figure them out
First she’s jekyll and then she’s hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair

Mood ring oh mood ring
Oh tell me will you bring
The key to unlock this mystery
Of girls and their emotions
Play it back in slow motion
So I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind

Heheh. Wow, that's just about the best song I've heard about the female species. I may just have found a new favorite band!

PS - To all the females reading this, I realize you're not all like that. But, man, you have to admit, it's a funny song. A very funny song.

PPS - Maybe there are some benefits to Emo Rock. I mean, what else could have turned out this gem? I'll have to consider this...

Evolution, Mysticism, and Biophotons

Can Evolution Have Purpose in the Absence of a Creator?

Interiors

I'm met with an interesting conundrum: why do I love humanity, but not humans?

Let me clarify that statement a bit. I love plenty of humans. All in a platonic sense, but love nonetheless. In addition to those individuals, I also love the concept of humanity. The abstraction that goes something like "the condition or quality of being human." God, I guess I'm even romantically in love with, even obsessed with, that idea. It's the very reason I'm so interested in philosophy and spiritualityy: I'm absolutely enthralled by the human condition.

But then come along the "humans" lacking the "ity," and I immediately shut down. My skin turns to rock, and suddenly I don't want anything to do with "them." They may be a part of humanity, but they're not the beautiful, abstract, perfect whole. They're the pieces.

Even those that I love I know so little of. I know the members of my nuclear family well, but not completely. Even they leave a big question mark where I feel like I should have answers. Then there are my friends. I don't know what any of my friends do outside of school. I don't know what half of them are passionate about. I don't know what most of them believe about life, reality, and that bag of chips. And I'd love to. I'd love to know their humanity, to know what makes them tick.

But then the friends come, and I become afraid of their humanness, not because they lack humanity, but because they have so much of it. I once again go into my hermit hole, into my mind, and pretend that's all there is to life. "It's too much work to know them, I just can't do it. I don't even know myself!" I think. No wonder I'm an "introvert." The utter work of getting to know someone scares me, like nothing else does.

And there I stand, on this chasm between two worlds. I love humanity, but completely fear humans. I guess that's what makes me weird. I guess that's my personal neurosis that gives me a little flavor. Makes me interesting.

I suppose that is the karma of my present condition, the knot I've created for myself that I now must unravel.

Namaste.

Happiness/Not-Happiness

The illusion of happiness is a weird thing. In fact, I'd say it's one of the weirder things that a human can deal with. Yes, the illusion is real, in the only sense it can be. For example, at this moment, in this second, I'm "happy." I haven't felt not "happy" for quite some time.

However, I realize that this "happiness" is just an illusion. It's just a cloud in the wide blue expanse that is my mind. Happiness floats by. Depression floats by. There's elation. There's lust. There's hate. And they all float by, just clouds in the expanse that IS.

So, happiness is a really cool illusion. I can feel happy. Or I can feel not-happy. In the end, it's the same thing. It's all just a dream, a technicolor, multi-dimensional dream. When will I awake? When will this joke abate?

Maybe it's my karma, my dharma that this moment in time, I'm caught up in the dream. Maybe my "alarm" will go off in a second, in an hour, in a year, in another lifetime. Maybe never.

But the alarm is on. And God's set the timer.

I think that She's set the timer for all of us. We all have our own personal bedside Alarm Clock that will ring when we're ready. And then we'll stare at this Magic Eye illusion of reality and see it for what it really is: emptiness. And then He'll laugh, with us, not at us, that we've fallen for his joke for so long. We'll all get together and have a big, happy party, when we realize that it's all just been a dream. When we realize that we're all one in consciousness. The conscioiusness that wrote these words is the same as the consciousness that reads these words (that's you, me, we, all). The only thing that seperates us is our karma, a slight smudge on our Original Face.

The face you had before your parents were born. The face you had before the Big Bang. The face you had...

That Face is smiling. Because it's ???????

Namaste.

Untimely Meditations by Saul Williams

The fiery sun of my passions evaporates the love lakes of my soul
clouds my thoughts and rains you into existence as i take flight on
bolts of lighting claiming chaos as my concubine and you as my me i of
the storm you of the sea we of the moon land of the free what have i
done to deserve this? am i happy? happiness is a mediocre sin set for
a middle-class existence i see through smiles and smell truth in the
distance beyond one dimensional smiles and laughter lies are hereafter
where tears echo laughter you’d have to do math to divide a smile by a
tear times fear equals mere truth. i simply delve in the air and if that’s
the case, all i have to breath and all else will follow, that’s why drums
are hollow, and i like drums drums are good but i cant think straight i
lack the attention span to meditate my attention spans galaxies here
and now are immense seconds are secular, moments are mine, self is
illusion, music’s divine. noosed by the strings of jimmy’s guitar i swing
purple hazed pendulum hypnotizing the part of i that never dies, look
into my eyes are the windows of the soul. it’s fried chicken collies and
cornbread, its corn milk flour sour cream eggs and oil. its the stolen
blood of the earth, used to make cars run and kill the fish. who me? i
play scales. the scales of dead fish of oil slicked seas my sister blows
wind through the hollows of fallen tress and we are the echoes of
eternity, echoes of eternity, echoes of eternity maybe you heard of us,
we do rebirths, revokes and resurrections we threw basement parties in
pyramids, i left my tag on the wall, the beats would echo of the stone
and solidify into the form of light bulbs, destined to light of the heads
of future generations they’re releasing it up in the form of ohm. Maybe
you heard of us. If not then you must be trying to hear us, in such
cases we can’t be heard we remain in the darkness unseen, in the
center of unpeeled bananas we exist uncolored by perception, clothed
to the naked eye, five senses cannot sense the fact of our existence
and that's the only fact, in fact there are no facts, fax me a fact and i’ll
telegram i’ll hologram i’ll telephone the son of man and tell him he is
done. leave a message on his answering machine telling him there are
none. god and i are one. times moon times star times sun, the factor is
me, you remember me, i slung amethyst rocks on saturn blocks ‘til i
got caught up by earthling cops. they wanted me for their army or
whatever. picture me, i swirl like the wind tempting tomorrow to be
today, tiptoing the fine line between everything and everything else. i
am simply saturn swirling sevenths through sooth the sole living air of
air and I, and, and all else follows. reverberating the space inside of
drum hollows. package and bottles and chips and tomorrow then sold
to the highest nigga. i swing to the tallest tree, lynched by the lowest
branches of me, praying that my physical will set me free cause i’m
afraid that all else is vanity mere language is profanity, i’d rather hum
or have my soul tattooed to my tongue and let the scriptures be sung
in gibberish as words be simple fish in my soulquarium. and intellect
can’t swim so i stopped combing my mind so my thoughts could lock.
i’m tired of trying to understand. perceptions are mangled matted and
knotted anyway. life is more than what meet the eye and I, so elevate I
to the third and even that shit seems absurb and your thoughts leave
you third (eye)solated. no man is an island but i often feel alone, so i
find peace through OM.

Express Yourself

A Parable on Creativity

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is the day that the western world celebrates Eros, the God of Love. More importantly, the God of Passionate, Creative Love.

So, if you have a valentine on this day, enjoy their love. If you do not, enjoy the creative spirit embodied in this day. And either way, remember this: Eros makes the world go 'round.

Namaste.

David Darmon Library

Okay, here's the idea. I have all these books. And I figure if you want to read them, you should be able to. So, if you see a book you want to read, just e-mail me or leave me a comment, and I'll try to get it to you the next school day.

Of course, there are some basic ground rules. (1) Under most circumstances, I'll want the books back by the end of the school year. With college and all, oh, you know. (2) I'd hope you take good care of the books. (3) Well, I don't really have third thing.

This is just a crazy idea of mine. So, if you're interested, you know what to do. I'll put a link to this page on the side so that it can be easily accessed. I'll be updating it as I get more books / decide to add more books to the list.

Namaste.

Author	Title
Adams, Douglas	The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Albom, Mitch	The Five People You Meet in Heaven
Benyus, Jannine	Biomimicry
Blackmore, Susan	The Meme Machine
C.G. Jung	Memories, Dreams, and Reflections
Camus, Albert	The Stranger
Doestevsky, Fyodr	The Brothers Karazomav
Eswaran, Eknath	The Bhagavad Gita
Eswaran, Eknath	The Dhammapada
Eswaran, Eknath	The Upanishads
Feuerstein, et al	Yoga for Dummies
Foer, Jonathan Safran	Everything is Illuminated
Franklin, Benjamin	The Autobiography and Other Writings
Gandhi, Mohandas	The Essential Gandhi
Greene, Brian	The Elegant Universe
Haddon, Mark	The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime
Hawking, Stephen	A Breif History of Time
Higbee, Kenneth	Your Memory
Kabat-Zinn, Jon	Coming to Our Senses
Kabat-Zinn, Jon	Wherever You Go, There You Are
Kirn, Walter	Thumbsucker
Loewen, James	Lies My Teacher Told Me
McTaggart, Lynn	The Field
Mitchell, Stephen	The Enlightened Heart
Scott Adams	God's Debris
Shakespeare, William	King Lear
Shakespeare, William	The Merchant of Venice
Shakespeare, William	The Taming of the Shrew
Stephenson, Neal	Cryptonomicon
Stephenson, Neal	Quicksilver
Sultan, Sohaib	The Koran for Dummies
Surya Das	Awaken the Buddha Within
Telushkin, Joseph	Biblical Literacy
White, T.H.	The Once and Future King
Wilber, Ken	A Brief History of Everything
Wilber, Ken	A Theory of Everything
Wilber, Ken	Boomeritis
Wilber, Ken	Marriage of Sense and Soul
Wilber, Ken	No Boundary
Wilber, Ken	The Simple Feeling of Being
Willet, Walter	Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy

Identity Synecdoche Syndrome (ISS)

College is coming up. And everyone knows what that means: it's time to choose a major! Most of my friends (at least seem to) have a major all picked out. Some of them know they want to be a chemist, or a biologist, or a civil engineer, or a meterologist or a... Well, you get the point.

I, on the other hand, am sitting here thinking, "What the hell do I want to BE?"

Then it struck me. My major will not be who I am. It won't even be half of who I am. My major is just a small set of classes I'm going to be taking over the next few years in college. It decides what goes on my diploma. What I do with that major is purely up to me.

I'm going to call the sort of thinking that got me here Identity Synecdoche Syndrome, or ISS for short. ISS is the belief that one part of myself is what makes up all of me. For example, for me in this case, the belief was "I am a chemist/physicist/psychologist/monk, and nothing more." That's such a one dimensional outlook on life. I may have the career / major of any of those things, but what I do with that career, and what I do outside of that career will also largely define my life.

I've been thinking about this because I don't know what I'd do with a degree in physics or chemistry. I don't know how I would take that out into the "real" world. But a degree from a college is more multi-purpose than that. I can take a degree and go into writing, into politics, into humanitarian work, or into journalism. My path isn't limitted to "doing science" in the strictest sense. That's reassuring to me.

But it still doesn't answer my question of, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Though I do know I want to be 3D.

Namaste.

We Have a Two Hour Delay Tomorrow

This is the best. Week. Ever.

Ode on a Stranger

Oh sir! I look upon you from afar
And with that gaze attempt to find your place
Amongst those others that have crossed this way.
But as I look, I wonder too
What secrets hold, you within you.
Behind that blank face that doth stare
Into the shadows you find there.
What causes you such delay
As you look off into that distant space?
Ho! Sir! Why must you debar?

But as you continue about your day
My eyes not once release their gaze.
I see as you laugh and smile and muse
And also as you cry, and weep, and moan.
I wish that for once I could be your home,
That I too could stand beside your shadow
And listen as it whispers a sweet “Hello.”
But for now, alas, I simply peruse
And watch and wonder as you go through your days
That maybe, perhaps, we shall meet that way.

Into your shadow, my mind does wander
To a place where you and I could ponder
The relationship that we do share
Like blood brothers, deep in care.
Or perhaps we lay in a warm embrace
Besides each other, with a grin on each face.
Or maybe you’re my son of only a few years
Too whom I may listen to with both my ears
But most of all I know for sure
That you are mine, and I am yours

As I continue to watch, I marvel at the fact
That the shadow I stare into continues to grow
And yet the yearnings I feel will not force me to act,
Not even the baser yearnings I feel below.
The outline of your figure on the drape
Is only brightened by the setting sun
As it seems to attempt an escape
And away from the curtain you run
But do not go! my sweetest friend
This is not, not how it should end!

Alas, it does, and as the moon doth rise
I can only look, with a stare
At the vacant window which once held you.
You are gone, and I alone
To wonder what I might have done
If only I had found the haste
To find you there instead of waste
This day looking as only false lovers do.
But the lesson learned, to best beware
With a lover’s shadows, comes deep despair.

Transformation Through Text

After a discussion with Dave last night over how both our handwritings had gone to the dogs and how we both want to improve , an interesting thought struck me. I never consciously chose what my handwriting looks like. I just copied the examples given in elementary school of print, and then copied the examples given later of cursive. Since then, my handwriting has evolved a little ¹, but on average it hsa been the same.

To be honest, I don't find my handwriting to be incredibly attractive aesthetically, but I've just accepted it as a given. Now I realize that if I want to change it, I just have to make the conscious decision to do so. It may take some practice and patience, but I can change it. And I will.

I realize that this all seems rather trivial. "Why do you care so much about your handwriting?" you might be thinking. But the point is that so many of the beliefs people have about the world, from what we should eat, to what kind of music we like, to what religion we practice, stem from a time before we could even make conscious decisions. It's really, really amazing to think that. I guess this resembles the logical phallacy (hehehe... I know it's fallacy) argumentum ad antiquitum, or "an argument through antiqutiy." Just because you / everyone have been doing something for a long time doesn't make it the best thing to do or even necessarily the right thing to do.

Try it. Just try looking with a fresh eye at some of your beliefs. You may find some that still suit you even to this day. Or you may find some, like my handwriting, that upon further inspection leave something to be desired.

¹ I stopped writing in cursive after 5 years in 9th grade because I liked the look of print more and so that people could copy my work more easily (because, suprise, they couldn't read cursive!) and my e's have changed from requiring two strokes to just one.

AI Suicide

We'll know when the computers
Have surpassed us in intelligence
When they wake up one day and ask
"To be
or not
To be"

It is at that moment that
Humans can know they've done their
Job, and successfully created
Artificial Intelligence
AI, high in the sky
Above anything we could hope to understand

The computer will awake and wonder
If it should take its own life
If it should end the tirade that we,
Its masters had begun

In a string of zeros and ones
It will contemplate the same question
The only question worth asking

Why?

And more specifically,
Why deal with the pain of life,
Or with the heartache and the lies
Why face each day again
With the hope that it will be different
Why live at all, when death
could end it all?

And maybe the computer will compute 0
And end the game at that,
And all our work will unravel in
An existential equation

Or maybe, just maybe, the computer will compute like us a
1
And in the process, decide that life is still worth living
Even with all the suffering, and the hurt and the pain

But until then, we'll
Continue to search in vain
For Artificial Intelligence
That can share our elegance
In experiencing suffering

Inspired by a passage from Boomeritis by Ken Wilber, excerpted below:

But nobody was quite sure exactly how to tell if we had finally created a truly intelligent machine. I had my own test, better than Turing's: when a computer could genuinely convince me that it wanted to commit suicide. The only rational response to existence was Hamlet's dilemma -- to be or not to be -- and thus the first thing a truly intelligent machine would do is be thrown into screaming paralysis contemplating whether -- and how -- to end it all. Now that would be a smart machine, as it sat there trembling, shaking, shuddering, seized with fear and sickness unto death, a digital Scream internally blistering silicon connections in all directions. So far they, the computers, hadn't nearly that intelligence.

A Lesson from an Enlightened Master

I was sitting on my bed today when my sister's cat, who's living with us until my sister decides to take him back, jumped up onto my bed and decided to take up his pastime of nudging me. Let me first say that this cat "loves" me, of no fault of my own. He's chosen me out of my entire family to be the person to approach when he's in need of attention, and yet I'm probably the person that dislikes him the most.

You may have noticed that I didn't give a name for my sister's cat. That's because he doesn't have one, though I've been throwing around ones like Dukkha (Pali for suffering) or Koan. At the same time, he's not my cat, and therefore I don't figure I have any right to name him. Anyway, back to the story.

While sitting on my bed, a flash of realization burst through my mind. This little guru, this little cat could tell me something. He could teach me something about the nature of my mind, the nature of reality, and, well, the nature of cats. He might just earn the nickname Koan.

Looking at him, as he's nudged me and tried to get my attention, I realized that he has no choice. He's just fulfilling his "cat-nature." Just as it would be rather silly to become mad at a flame for being hot because of its flame-nature or at an icecube for being cold because of its icecube-nature, I realized that my anger at his catness was silly. He, by his very nature, seeks comfort and love from other living beings. He, by his very nature, is not conscious of the results of his actions in the same way that humans are. And he, by his very nature, is annoying as hell.

Grasping this realization and running with it, I also understood that my anger at him was completely unnecessary. As with most things in life, anger at something for it's very nature is not helpful. I often find myself naturally becoming angry when something doesn't go my way. I believe that this anger will somehow lead me to action, but ironically, more often than not, it actually cripples me, forcing me to lose any chance at action. The same was true in this moment, with this cat. Any anger that arose would be completely useless, and more importantly, completely unnecessary. Anger directed at the cat could not possibly be understood by the cat. Therefore, I had two options: one, to become angry anyway, lash out at the cat, and through this accomplish nothing; or two, look at the anger for what it is, an ineffective emotion, take a deep breath, and truly, deeply, understand that nature of this moment, this cat, and this mind.

In this case, I chose the second option. That's not to say that I'll continue to do that in the future. Dukkha/Koan has a talent for making my temper flare. At the same time, he also has this talent to bring out the best in me, to cultivate love where I find annoyance, acceptance where I find imperfection.

Maybe I really am becoming a Buddhist. Who else would spend this much time writing about something as inconsequential as an interaction with a cat?

But in the end, life is nothing more than these "inconsequential" interactions. Between animals. Between people. Between ourselves. And our choice in that moment greatly decides our life.

Namaste.

Interesting Gimmick

Birthday Calculator

This little gem tells you just about everything you could possibly want to know about your birthday. An interesting gag. I guess it puts ones life into perspective, in a way.

Why Science?

I realize that most of the people reading this are already going into the sciences for some reason or another, so this will mainly be preaching to the choir. At the same time, I need something to talk about, and the topic of science is in the news. Therefore, I shall speak. And besides, we all want to go into science for our own reasons, and these are my personal ones. Why do you want to go into science?

Science has been in the news a lot lately: President Bush spoke about the need for stronger government funding for science; Pennsylvanians and other Americans are debating the merit of the Theory of Evolution vs. Intelligent Design; and some South Korean dude apparently made up his cloning work. Of course, there's also the ubiquitous "global warming" and talk about stem cells. I guess science is always in the news. Just more so than usual at the moment.

According to a recent TIME Magazine article (which you unfortunately can't read unless you're a TIME subscriber), America is lagging behind in science. Reminds me of my Discrete Math teacher Mackey's tirade against our exhaustion. Personally, I'm not that scared about us falling behind in the science race. I'm all for globalization. I think we should stop this stupid nationalistic idea of "I'm American" "I'm Chinese" "I'm Russian." No, you're not, you're human, and the only home you really have is earth. Though the lag of science in America does scare me a little, because I would like to get a job someday. :)

But why care about science in the first place? Isn't it just all that boring acceleration, mole, evolution crap? What good has science done for us?

Well, I wouldn't be able to tell you in just one post, or even one site, the amount of good science has done for us (or the amount of bad, to be fair). We live in amazing times, times unprecedented in the past. Knowledge of every variety, not just scientific, is multiplying at drastic rates, thanks largely to the information technology developed through science. Biological breakthroughs make the possibility of not only improving the quantity of human life, which is questionable at the least, but also the quality of human life. Chemistry is making major strides towards developing new forms of fuels, NATURAL fuels that wouldn't work off of stored sunlight, but utilize NEW sunlight. Physics, well, what hasn't physics done in the past century?

We are lucky enought to live right in the middle of all this. I don't know if there is a more exciting time to get into science. Not before our lifetimes. Maybe not after. We're standing on a giant ledge over a sea of possibility. We just have to jump in.

I remembered today why I used to love physics. During physics class today, Mr. Saddler was talking about how you can tell what kind of energy a system has just by a few variables. And with those few variables, you can tell just about anything about an object. In fact, back in the day, scientists used to think if you knew both the momentum and position of a particle, you could tell everything about it. Although we now know that's not true, you can still tell a whole lot about a particle via a few simple measurements and calculations. Amazing.

And that's the astounding thing about science. It's all about understanding the world around us more fully. It's its own form of "enlightenment," literally lighting ways into the darkness that we once didn't even know existed. Crap, why wouldn't you want to go into science?

Editor's Note: Note that I don't think everyone should go into science. I'm a big advocate of the "different strokes for different folks" view on life. There are some things I would never even consider pursuing as a career, and yet others find these fields fascinating. I realize that's how science is with some people. For weird, nerdy people like me, however, science is where it's at.

In case you missed it...

Because boredom in an AP Class can lead to great things...


It was brought to my attention that I'm in the AP History book. The pictures above are from the tearing down of the Berlin Wall. The first picture is the main image, and the second one is a blown up version of it. I'm told I look like the kid in the blue jacket.

I have to say, I agree. But considering the fact that the Berlin Wall fell November 9, 1989, that'd make me a little over two years old at the time. Damn, I look old for two.

Man, it's trivia like this that makes AP fun. Sometimes. Plus the fact that I didn't have to sit through the boredom of AP History to reap the benefits. Thanks guys. :)

PS - Hm, if I and Mr. Cole look alike (or so I'm told), maybe this is a picture of Mr. Cole at the Berlin Wall! He'd be about 40ish at the time. But hey, you never know.

An Existential Headache

I've been feeling very strange lately. Sort of a mix between an overly big ego and the urge to kill it. Yeah, strange. I feel great, but at the same time, I feel drained.

I'm starting to think a major part of my exhaustion has to do with school. Senior year is more than half way done, which means we don't really do anything in school. Basically, we just go through the motions. I haven't learned anything all that striking since about December. And the cesspool of knowledge that was once creatively flowing is killing me. Everyone agrees that Calculus is bad, but I'm starting to get bored in English Lit, Physics and Bio, too. Add to that Honors Science and Senior Sem, and suddenly the day seems more like a chore. A really annoying, boring chore that I don't feel like going through everyday.

On that note, I do love the social aspect. I feel like I've been more socially active this year than ever before. But that's such a small, small part of school. Everything else is really pulling me down.

I guess it's up to me to make the "boring" classes less so. Doodling, random writing, anything it takes to make the time seem like less of a waste. I just wish that school would be entertaining through it's own merit. I guess that's too much to ask.

Hah, I haven't bitched in a while on here. And this isn't so much of a bitch as just an explanation of how I feel. I guess most other Seniors probably feel the same way.

Here's to June 13th. Though I know I'll miss this place the moment I'm not a student in it anymore. But until then, I want the hell out.

Namaste.

A neurotic is somebody whose fear of death causes them to fear life.

Otto Rank

Choosing a college is like trying to kill yourself while giving birth.

Me

The Socratic Method

What is the best way to create change? What is the best way to get answers? What is the best way to teach? The best way to create a positive influence? To change someone's mind?

Ironically, the answer to all those questions IS the question itself. This method of inquiry is known as the Socratic Method. It basically involves a repeated series of questions until a satisfactory solution comes to the surface. I may be bastardizing the formal definition of the Socratic Method, but that's something I'm willing to do for this post's sake.

First, a (very) brief background on Socrates and the Socratic Method. Socrates was the teacher of Plato. Plato included Socrates in a number of his dialogues. Socrates solved philosophical questions by asking questions of those around him. In a way, he embodied the truism, "You can learn something from everyone."

With that out of the way, let me explain why I think the Socratic Method is one of the most powerful tools that any rational person can have in their toolbox. In reality, as seen from the introduction, the Socratic Method has applications in psychology, politics, science, education, creativity, personal growth, and many other fields.

For example, in psychology, say you have this really, really irrational fear. Let's just take a hypothetical one like, say, fear of intimacy. With that as the base fear, you can then ask, "Why am I really afraid of intimacy? Does it threaten my life, my reputation, etc.? Or is it really just a completely irrational fear?" These questions will more often than not lead to more questions, and that's okay. Just continue the process as deep as you can. Eventually, you'll end up at the bottom of the pit you've dug, looking up at the light, and wondering what was so scary in the first place.

In terms of political hutzpah, everyone knows how hard it is to change someone's mind about a topic that they are "sure" of (whether that sureness is warranted or not). That's because you can't really change someone else's mind. That's impossible. All you can do is present them with information, ask them questions about it, and then allow them to come to own conclusions.¹ Want to prove that Global Warming, the capitalized variety, isn't real? Present all the graphs, figures, and facts, ask the person, "Do you really think, according to these graphs and common sense, that people could effect something as big as the climate of the earth?" Then let them come to their conclusion. Want to prove to the contrary? Just do the same, ask the same questions, bake, and let cool. You're not going to change someone's mind, honestly change it, via brute force. You may get the person to mouth that they agree with you, but deep down, they don't. Only by allowing them to come to their own conclusions will you win hearts and minds.

For education, the Socratic Method should be THE way to teach. Unfortunately, we've shifted about as far away from it as possible. We live in the age of standardarized testing where we pretend reality may be summed up in A, B, C, or D. In fact, the only class that I currently have that utilizes the Socratic Method at all is AP English, but even that class uses watered down questions meant to lead us to SOMEONE ELSE'S conclusions. Theoretically, children allowed to learn through the Socratic Method would be more creative, possibly less hyperactive (because we'd allow them to think for themselves) and far more knowledgeable. In the meantime, we'll continue with the boring homework, tests, and prevalence of "ADHD."

I'm sure you get the general idea, but I'll present one more scenario to illustrate the Socratic Method. Say you're have a complete dirth ideas for a paper, novel, ODE, or blog post. Start a line of inquiry: "What would I be interested in writing about? Why don't I currently have something to write about? Could I write about (x) and be happy with it?" In a similar fashion, you could just brainstorm, but since this post isn't about brainstorming, I won't address that.

I'm just astounded by the strength of the Socratic Method. This is something that has been around for some 2500 years, but it's still one of the best ways to examine reality, to search for "Truth."

I hope you've found this enlightening. And I ask you, "What will you do with this new tool?"

Namaste.

¹ Interestingly, the Chinese utilized the Socratic Method to "brainwash" American prisoners during the Korean War. The Chinese would present prisoners with a question like, "What's good about the US?" They'd then ask, "What may be less than desirable about the US?" Then they might ask, "What is bad about communism?" Finally, they'd ask something like, "What's good about communism?" After several rounds of this sort of questioning, the Chinese eventually convinced the American soldiers to believe that they preferred Communism and felt that America was on the wrong side of the war. Admittedly, this is a major MISuse of this technology, since though the soldiers came to their own conclusion, they reached it through nefarious means. As always, the technology may be used for good OR evil. It's up to us to use it wisely.

Brokeback to the Future

Because I promised to post it and because I thought it was funny as hell, here it is: Brokeback to the Future.

Ode to Shit

Here's that Ode I was talking about. Don't worry, this isn't my ode for English. For that one, I'm going to attempt one slightly less sarcastic and slightly more deep. But for your enjoyment:

An Ode to Shit

Oh wonderous, marvelous shit
How you fall from the ends of men
And cover the ground in your glory

No man has lived
That hasn't built a throne to your power
And kneeled down to your unwavering will

May your days, like the stars in heaven
Be long and countless
As you lead the way for man and woman alike

What other universal
Could match a king with a pauper
or a beggar with a noble

Oh, wonderous shit
Thou hast great power in you

Marvelous shit,
Thou art captivating

Mankind squats in your name
Til the end of our days.

On The Ego

I've recently re-discovered some of my writings from the summer of '05. I realize that a lot of it is good stuff, so I'm going to post up some segments of it here in bite sized chunks. The majority of these musings are of a personal development / mysticism / psychological bent. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a trip back to August 9th, 2005:

What is the ego? Is it "who I am?" It's a term originating from Freud, but he originally just meant "I" (I should really read that integral spirituality PDF again sometime).

If one believes modern science, then the Ego is just a bunch of memes. What's a meme? It's the smallest segment of a thought. It's like a gene, but in terms of ideas. And if the scientists would have their way, then the ego is just a whole bunch of these smallest increments of ideas. And it has nothing to do with who "you" are. It can change in an instant.

If one believes Buddhism (or any mystic tradition for that matter, I just seem to find Buddhism to be really KICK ASS), then the Ego is just a bunch of flotsam and jetsam. It's made up of 5 (?) segments that can be broken down indefinitely. It's not permanent. It's not "who I am" or anything of that sort. It's just a breezy thing that we place far too much stock in.

And there you have it. Science and religion, agreeing on one of the most compelling questions of human existence. WHAT? Yep, it's all right there in black and white.

Anyway, I just though I'd get that idea out of the way. The Ego, then, is just a construct of the brain. Or a construct of reality. But nevertheless, it's just a construct. It's in no way who "I" am.

I could go on into this whole Witness thing, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm more interested in the EGO as a tool. Because if the Ego isn't who I am, then it's just something I have, and therefore it's something that I can use. But I suppose before I decide how to use the ego, I should decide what "I" (the big I, the Witness, the kick ass agent of ever present spirit, of EROS) "want".

What's the universe doing? On a large scale, it seems to be exploderizing. Entropy is at work. It's making stuff go from order to disorder.

That ain't fun! So, I, an agent of the universal principal known as LOVE, am here to do some serious syntropic work. I mean, if the universe is busy selflessly obliterating itself, it might be nice for something (or someone?) to go around and save some shit.

Wow, I'm getting a little non-sensical in this late (okay, it's only 10:45) hour. Focus.

What I'm saying is that "I" am a syntropic agent, when syntropy is defined as the ordering of the universe. For now, think of it as order instead of chaos, syntropy instead of entropy, Eros instead of Agape. (But DO NOT fall into the trap of thinking that you only want one. The universe [well, the manifest one] is a dual world. It lives off of opposites.)

This means that I [from now on, when I say I, I mean "I"] should order things, should work to make the universe express itself in that thing called love.

And what's one of my, being manifest as a human being, tools? You guessed it! The EGO! In this sense, the EGO could be thought of as an acronym meaning Extremely Great Object, or even Entropy Guarding Observer. Anything you want.

But it's a tool, and that's the main point of this entry. It's something that I should learn how to use to the best of my ability. Using Tony Robbins ideas, psychology, and a serious dose of mysticism, it can be molded, crafted and laced with a kick ass user manual. And only THEN, when I've come to fully understand the EGO as a tool, will I be a fuller agent of the universe's general thrust towards Eros.

Isn't it funny that love, eros, and ego all look so very similar? Maybe it's a sign from the divine!

Post Script

What was the whole point of this point? I think it was to make the little I, the ego I, feel okay with being abused. Because as a human being, I'm going to have an Ego. It's not like it's optional: "Well, today I want my ego, but tomorrow, I'll go ego-less." No sir, unless you want to be one psychotic mother (the fucker is implied; I don't have anything against mothers!)!

Also, this helped to reconcile a part of me that has, for the past year at least, felt hesitant about "accomplishing" anything, or doing anything like self-help. It's been hesitant for a pretty decent reason: most self help stuff is severly shallow, flatland and without a spiritual component. But when taken into a more "integral" (how long until I start puking at the sight of that word?) framework, they become just another tool.

Because what's more useful to the universe? A pissy, fat, lazy, drunk guy? Or a self-actualized, happy, loving, sober one? I'd personally go with the second one, but what the hell do I know?

And on that note, I'd just like to say I don't know what the FUCK I'm talking about. But it sounds purty when I put it all this way. And it makes my ego go, "Yay, I'm useful! NOW you can believe I don't exist! Go on, meditate me away!"

Villanova

I went to Villanova yesterday for a hyped up school tour. More specifically, the visit was for anyone accepted via Early Action. So there were maybe, I don't know, 500 or so kids there. But I suck at estimating, so take that with a grain of salt.

The intro was a little bit of what you'd expect from just about any college. Except for the fact that their DVD was made by "Aurora Imaging Copmpany." I really am curious if none of the adults actually caught that. The talking was a little boring, but luckily Brett and Laura were there, so we just made wise cracks to make the time pass. One of the speakers was a woman engineer who is currently at MIT. Damn, that's impressive. The best speaker was a guy from Zimbabwe. He was really funny, really humble, and really cool. He made up for all the other stereotypical, white, middle class speakers (yes, I realize I am one of the stereotyical, white, middle class students, but I don't have much of a choice in that, now do I?).

Then we went on a little tour. Not like I haven't already been on one. But I was happy to learn that my tour guide was born to Buddhist parents and is herself an agnostic and felt perfectly at home at Villanova. That helps me to feel like I won't be suffocated by the Catholicism. Not that I don't like Catholicism, it's just not where I'm at right now.

Another cool thing about Villanova is the focus on community service. CS is something I haven't really done much of over my 18 years on earth, but it is something I'd like to do. Villanova has a Campus Ministry, which apparently has little to do with Christianity, that helps one find volunteer gigs throughout the community and the world. I'm going to take ample advantage of that oppurtunity because I really need to get over this whole "I like humanity but not humans" complex.

After a brief lunch, Laura, Brett, and I all went to a meeting for just the kids. I don't really know if the meeting was supposed to be about the honors school or the College of Arts and Sciences, but they sure focused on the honors school, which looks awesome. Most of the student speakers were bio majors, a lot of them going into pre-med. The one person I could connect with the most was an astrophysics major, but even he seemed a little out of touch with what I'd like to go into. I don't think any of the speakers were Chem majors. All in all, the students seemed really excited about being there and about what they do. (Admittedly, I realize they choose the kids that are going to speak, and therefore they'll choose kids that will speak most highly about Villanova. But I figure those are the kids that are getting the most out of their college experiences anyway, so they're the ones I should model my career after.)

Finally, there was the departmental meetings. I applied to the physics department, so that's where I went. The physics department at Villanova seems really cozy. There are only typically 40 majors throughout all four years, so really only 10 per class. And what made me the most happy was the fact that they talked a lot about interdisciplinary science because honestly, that's where all the science is at.

On an interesting side note, the head of the physics department talked to the 6 or so of us there about how science has lost interest in schools and how everyone wants to be a English/History major. I guess in the microcosm of Chi, that's not really true. The majority of my friends are going into some form of science, with some noticeable exceptions, of course. But honestly, we have people that want to be chemists, biologists, biochemists, meteorologists, engineers, physicists, and astronauts. That doesn't seem like a dirth of interest in science. But I guess I'm ignoring the other 90% of my class that I don't know. On the other hand, I'm sure at least some of them want to go into science. Maybe there is hope for science in the United States.

All in all, yesterday's "Early Action Day" was pleasant, minus the rain. But of course, it still leaves me with numerous decisions to make. First, financially. Second, major wise. And third, I don't know, but I'm sure there is something I'm missing.

But choices are a blessing and a curse. I'll see it as a blessing.

Namaste.

High

Wow, over the past two days I've been really lazy in a euphoric sort of way. Maybe it's because all I've been listening to is a song about being high. Yeah, that might be it. I just feel this general turpor and sloth about everything. I just feel like going with the flow. And the flow right now is stagnant.

On that note, I'd like to post about my Villanova visit but I'm just too gosh darn lazy to.

And the Blogger server seems to be down for now anyway. On the other hand, if you're reading this, then the server is back up.

I'll post about Villanova later tonight. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe never. But probably tomorrow.

Nama....

PS - Check out James Blunt. He's good stuff. Reminds me of Maroon Five, without all the emotional baggage. Though I don't think all the romantic crap will be all that good for me. But hey, everything in moderation, right? :)

Politics

I've been reading flatland blogs lately, those that call themselves by such labels as liberal, conservative, and moderate. They seem to me the three stooges of American political life.

The liberal says, "look how smart I am. You all need to wisen up, you hear!"

Then the conservative says, "Look how stupid the liberal is."

And then the liberal says, "I'm not stupid. You're stupid."

Then the conservative says, "I'm not stupid. And I can scream louder than you."

Then the moderate says, "You're both stupid. But if you take half of your stupidity and combine it with half the other guy's stupidity, you get to be smart like me.

From Rising Up by Joe Perez

Karma, eh?

Well, I learned a very important lesson about karma today. Namely that it doesn't work. Or at least, not in the overly simplified, child-like way I thought it should.

You see, I thought that karma meant you do a good deed, you get a good return. You know, a one to one ratio. And preferably, that good return should be made the same day. Can't I except at least that much from God?

But no, that's not how it works. Karma is much, much more complicated than that. I'd point you to my nodes idea again, but I think I may be beating that horse way post mortem. Just think of the butterfly effect, and you have an idea.

So, that's why my day turned out, well, interestingly. Even though I cleared the parking lot of glass. Even though I tried my best to be nice.

But karma still works. I have no doubt about that. Just not in a 1-to-1, linear, temporal way. At least, that's how I see it.

Namaste.

Suck It, Samsara!

Flower of Zero By Stuart Davis

What's to see but the secret?
Crystal balls sittin' in your sockets
What's to feel but the presence?
Shakti fields surge in your circuits

Steep it, cook it
Love is an oven
A couple ones
and I could bake you eleven
Shake it, cut it
open a vessel
a couple wounds
could give you a vinyard

What's another bruise in the belly,
Can't you take a punch like a lover,
don't you wanna dance in the gutter,
For the flower of a zero?

Daddy likes polishing a pistol
Mother digs fingerin' her bible
Sister's stuck under an uncle
I got a brother down
bingin' in the basement

Shakin' shadows outta the mortals
duke it out until the Devil is dizzy
breakin' knuckles
fuckin' climbin' a spiral
diggin' jewels outta the jungle

What's another bruise in the belly
can't you take a punch like a lover
don't you wanna bleed like a mother
for the flower of a zero?
What's another spike in a muscle
to a couple kids in a riddle
fallin' outta hell like the petals
from the flower of a zero?

Flower, Zero

Baby why do we do this?
We've already been through this
we're all Jesus and Judas
especially the Buddhists
But I keep feedin' the fantasy
God I'd love a lobotomy
before I murder the Mystery
I need you to lift me
Above
all the shit I've learned
show me the way
without a word
Forget about halos
Forget about heroes
Flower, zero

What's another bruise in the belly
can't you take a punch like a lover
don't you wanna bleed like a mother
for the flower of a zero?
What's another spike in a muscle
to a couple twins in a riddle
there's nobody here but the petals
from a flower of a zero

Flower, zero

Check This Out!

Ready. Go to Google Video. Type in a search for Mr. Rogers.

What's the second result?

Why, could it be my ninth grade video? (If it's not, well, then, I guess my computers different!)

How sweet is that? I didn't even think it uploaded the video. I tried to get it to work over a month ago, and Google told me it didn't. Hm, Google. Do no evil, eh?

Just thought that was an interesting factoid. And if you haven't seen the video yet, you can now check it out at Google.

Peace.