On The Ego

I've recently re-discovered some of my writings from the summer of '05. I realize that a lot of it is good stuff, so I'm going to post up some segments of it here in bite sized chunks. The majority of these musings are of a personal development / mysticism / psychological bent. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a trip back to August 9th, 2005:

What is the ego? Is it "who I am?" It's a term originating from Freud, but he originally just meant "I" (I should really read that integral spirituality PDF again sometime).

If one believes modern science, then the Ego is just a bunch of memes. What's a meme? It's the smallest segment of a thought. It's like a gene, but in terms of ideas. And if the scientists would have their way, then the ego is just a whole bunch of these smallest increments of ideas. And it has nothing to do with who "you" are. It can change in an instant.

If one believes Buddhism (or any mystic tradition for that matter, I just seem to find Buddhism to be really KICK ASS), then the Ego is just a bunch of flotsam and jetsam. It's made up of 5 (?) segments that can be broken down indefinitely. It's not permanent. It's not "who I am" or anything of that sort. It's just a breezy thing that we place far too much stock in.

And there you have it. Science and religion, agreeing on one of the most compelling questions of human existence. WHAT? Yep, it's all right there in black and white.

Anyway, I just though I'd get that idea out of the way. The Ego, then, is just a construct of the brain. Or a construct of reality. But nevertheless, it's just a construct. It's in no way who "I" am.

I could go on into this whole Witness thing, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm more interested in the EGO as a tool. Because if the Ego isn't who I am, then it's just something I have, and therefore it's something that I can use. But I suppose before I decide how to use the ego, I should decide what "I" (the big I, the Witness, the kick ass agent of ever present spirit, of EROS) "want".

What's the universe doing? On a large scale, it seems to be exploderizing. Entropy is at work. It's making stuff go from order to disorder.

That ain't fun! So, I, an agent of the universal principal known as LOVE, am here to do some serious syntropic work. I mean, if the universe is busy selflessly obliterating itself, it might be nice for something (or someone?) to go around and save some shit.

Wow, I'm getting a little non-sensical in this late (okay, it's only 10:45) hour. Focus.

What I'm saying is that "I" am a syntropic agent, when syntropy is defined as the ordering of the universe. For now, think of it as order instead of chaos, syntropy instead of entropy, Eros instead of Agape. (But DO NOT fall into the trap of thinking that you only want one. The universe [well, the manifest one] is a dual world. It lives off of opposites.)

This means that I [from now on, when I say I, I mean "I"] should order things, should work to make the universe express itself in that thing called love.

And what's one of my, being manifest as a human being, tools? You guessed it! The EGO! In this sense, the EGO could be thought of as an acronym meaning Extremely Great Object, or even Entropy Guarding Observer. Anything you want.

But it's a tool, and that's the main point of this entry. It's something that I should learn how to use to the best of my ability. Using Tony Robbins ideas, psychology, and a serious dose of mysticism, it can be molded, crafted and laced with a kick ass user manual. And only THEN, when I've come to fully understand the EGO as a tool, will I be a fuller agent of the universe's general thrust towards Eros.

Isn't it funny that love, eros, and ego all look so very similar? Maybe it's a sign from the divine!

Post Script

What was the whole point of this point? I think it was to make the little I, the ego I, feel okay with being abused. Because as a human being, I'm going to have an Ego. It's not like it's optional: "Well, today I want my ego, but tomorrow, I'll go ego-less." No sir, unless you want to be one psychotic mother (the fucker is implied; I don't have anything against mothers!)!

Also, this helped to reconcile a part of me that has, for the past year at least, felt hesitant about "accomplishing" anything, or doing anything like self-help. It's been hesitant for a pretty decent reason: most self help stuff is severly shallow, flatland and without a spiritual component. But when taken into a more "integral" (how long until I start puking at the sight of that word?) framework, they become just another tool.

Because what's more useful to the universe? A pissy, fat, lazy, drunk guy? Or a self-actualized, happy, loving, sober one? I'd personally go with the second one, but what the hell do I know?

And on that note, I'd just like to say I don't know what the FUCK I'm talking about. But it sounds purty when I put it all this way. And it makes my ego go, "Yay, I'm useful! NOW you can believe I don't exist! Go on, meditate me away!"