Fasting, Steinbright, And Schindler

This is going to be a rather disjointed post because I don't have anything much specifically to talk about, so I'll just talk a little bit about a lot of things.

Let's see. I'll start my with my "Friday Fast." Practicing Catholics don't eat meat on Friday. Super practicing Catholics fast on Friday's. I being neither of those things still chose to do an experiment and not eat food today. It's been different, though not as weird as I thought it would be. It really just feels like the days when I'm sick don't eat because of an upset stomach. I'm most suprised by the fact that I'm not really that hungry, at least physically. The hunger is much more psychological (i.e., I would like to eat something just to have the taste in my mouth, just to feel the texture of the food). Though that makes sense, really. The majority of the joy from food doesn't come from the sense of being full, but rather from the taste and act of eating. I just never realized that as much until I wasn't eating.

This has definitely been an interesting experience. My sense of smell is about 10X stronger whenever I'm around food, it's really funny. And I went to sleep at 4:45 really tired and got up at 6:40 thinking it was Saturday. Interesting.

Now to the Steinbright scholarship. I got a letter today saying I wasn't chosen. They did give me a random scholarship for $17,500 instead of $25,000.

All I have to say is: Huzzah! I realize that I'm kind of being a real asshole for being happy that I didn't get a super scholarship, but the truth is I don't really want to go to Ursinus. As I told my mom, that's my brother and sister's college, not mine. Hopefully Villanova will give me enough money that my decision will be really, really easy.

Schindler. I watched the first disk (about 2 hours) of Schindler's List. Man, that makes me feel like shit. The Holocaust definitely sucked. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was me thinking about what I'd have done if I were there. And I don't know if I'd have stood up to the Nazi's. I honestly don't know. I'd like to think so. But I don't know.

And then I think about the Sudan, Tibet, and all the other places where genocide continues to happen in the world, and I realize that I am sitting by while atrocities happen. It's not a theoretical. It's a fact.

But I don't know what to do.

What a whirlwind of topics. Fasting, college, and genocide. Hm, and my hands are shaking.

The joys of being alive.

Namaste.