States and Stages

If there's one thing that I've learned over the past week, it's that I go through some very interesting states throughout a normal day. Let me give you examples throughout the week.

Monday - I was still coming off of a high from the PSSA week of sleeping and enjoying myself. Life seemed to be easy, and I found myself doing both enjoyable and useful things.

Tuesday - Concert Band is a major killer. It killed me all over. Add to that my attachment to the idea of getting the labtop I wanted (which I now have chosen to put off [yeah, you'll get a whole article on this one tomorrow]), and suddenly the easy flow of my life got all sorts of stopped up.

Wednesday - This was the low of the week. Lots of mindless activity ([truly] random web surfing, watching television, watching movies, other OCD activities) made me dip down to the lowest I've felt in a while. Oh, and I felt a little bad about missing Jazz Band practice. Just a little. I was in a major slump state, at the bottom of the sine curve as Dave would put it.

Thursday - I decided to take some control over my life and utilize some self-discipline. I mean, that's my number one strength, might as well put it to good use. As soon as I did, my mood turned around almost spontaneously. The shift in how I felt was dramatic: suddenly I felt like being productive while having fun. Crazy.

Friday (aka Today) - I'm at the high for this week. Lot's of serendipitous things kept popping up, making life seem ever so interesting. My decision to take more responsibility for my life increased the joy in my life.

Now that I've made you sit through that recap of my week, I realize I didn't really have a point. Well, I had a point, it just had nothing to do with that little recap. But who doesn't want to know all the minute details about my life? Honestly?

[After even further consideration, I see that it did have a point. You can trace the cycling of my states in this little diagram. As you can see, it cycles from high to low back up to high again. The goal, as stated later, is to extend the high while eliminating the low.]

The point I was getting at can be summed up in one experience. Have you ever watched a movie and left the couch/movie theatre thinking, 'Damn, this is going to change my life. I'm f#$%#*^ inspired!' That feeling stays with you for maybe a few hours, maybe for the rest of the day. Then you get up the next morning, and the memory of the feeling is still there, but the feeling itself is gone. Let's call that feeling of inspiration a "state" and the desired 'that's going to change my life' changes a "stage."

I've been having this sort of experience a lot lately. I'll read an article by Mr. Pavlina, or Brian Johnson, or maybe just a passage from some book, and suddenly the world seems to shift. Life makes sense, conquering my greatest fears seems so simple, and I feel like I could just float through the rest of my life.

Then, the next day, the feeling is completely gone. Nothing left of it at all. I decide to "sweat the small stuff," and suddenly the big picture is lost. The state doesn't change into a stage. I quickly shift down to the state of "quiet desperation." Let me tell you, compared the the state of flow, quiet desperation doesn't even hold a candle. Not a candle.

How do I get the state to stay around long enough to remain a stage? My theory: it's like heart cells. If you take heart cells away from the heart, they start to beat erratically, but if you put at least two together and they beat in unison. Take them apart again, and they'll beat erratically. In this analogy, let's assume that putting them together and taking them apart enough times eventually causes them to permanently beat in synch. I figure states and stages are like that too. If I get myself into the flow state enough, I can eventually consistently stay in that state until it becomes a stage.

Hells yeah. Of course, "things," the "small stuff," can easily get in the way. If I let them. I guess that's why the Buddhists preach that you must first train and calm your mind before you even try any other practice. Well, after you've figured out ethics, that is.

As Mr. Pavlina loves to state, "The years will pass whether or not you do something, so why not spend the time doing something you enjoy that challenges you?"

This is my challenge: to get myself so high that the high becomes the norm.

:)

Wish me luck.

Namaste.

Apologia

Hm, well, I've really dropped the ball on this blog this week. I've been all out of sorts, taking the path of least resistance instead of fighting the current and getting things done. I guess I need to learn how to surf the waves of samsara better....

Anyway, over the next week or so I have tons of topics that I'd like to cover here. And I've got some good ideas for Think Bowl as well. So, if you've stuck with me through this week of mediocrity, you can look forward to an awesome, though provoking, entertaining week to come.

And no, this isn't an early April Fool's joke. :)

Namaste.

Cognitive Dissonance Theory: A Practical Example

I've bought myself a psychology textbook for a self-study project over the coming months, so you can probably look forward to some (unsubstantiated) musings on my part in the near and current future.

In my reading, I came across an idea known as Cognitive Dissonance Theory, or CDT for short. CDT is a subfield of the attitude-follows-behavior branch of psychology, which basically states that when you do something enough, eventually your attitude will align with that doing. CDT more specifically discusses why this happens. For example, say that you think of yourself as a moral person, but then you go out and rob a bank. This will result in some sort of cognitive dissonance until you either (a) start to think of yourself as an immoral person or (b) stop acting immorally.

I find this theory so interesting because it puts to words how I've felt for so long about my own authenticity. I have all these really high ideals and guiding values, this over-the-top purpose, and many many beliefs about how I and my life in general should be, but when I look at my life, it couldn't be further from the mark. I'm being overly pessimistic here to prove a point, but the points still there. This is similar to Abraham Maslow's statement that "the self-actualized person will be what he must be." If you don't always reach and strive to approach your "higher" self (although that higher self is in fact simply a mirage), you're going to be unhappy.

Right now I'm feeling this a lot. I've been letting little things in life get in the way of me being happy and doing what I love to do. Instead I've been moping around the house, watching televsion / movies and generally being what I don't want to be. At the same time I'm blaming external things (boring school, lack of sleep, etc.) for my low mood and wasted time. This in turn makes me feel bad, thanks to cognitive dissonance. The cycle loops and loops until something gives. And something's got to give.

I know I'll break the cycle eventually. Usually, I'll just have a really good day, and that will give me enough momentum to push through to a positive feedback loop.

But why wait until then? Why not embrace the feedback loop now?

:)

I hope everyone's having a pleasant, fulfilling evening.

Namaste.

Lifetime++: A World and a Lifetime Away

[Cross-Posted on Think Bowl]

In 18 years, where will I be? My first reaction to that question is, "How the hell should I know?" If you'd asked me a year ago where I'd be in a year, I would haven't guessed anything close to my present state, and that's with me being required to stay in the same place because of restrictions.

However, that out of the way, let me give a possible solution. In 18 years, I'll be 36 and a half years old. At that point, I'll have been out of academia, at least as a student, for at least 10 years. That leaves me ten years to be just about anywhere in the world. Not to mention the 8 years spent in academia that would mold and shape my future.

Now, if I had a choice, I'll be doing something fulfilling. Well, that's a little vague. Hopefully I'll be doing research in nanobiotechnology that will get us / have gotten us out of the fuel quagmire we're currently in. I'll be continuing in my studies, because at that point I'll have to just to keep up.

The career is done. What else is there? Relationships? I don't know. I suppose that (hopefully) by that point I'll have developed my social skills to the point that I can easily deal in extroversion and introversion. I suppose if I'm going to get married I'll have done so by then. In fact, if I'm going to have kids, I'll have done so by then. Wow, in 18 years I'll be married and have kids. How the hell does that happen?

As I write this, I'm realizing how incredibly superficial all my answers are. I don't really feel like anything I'm saying I'll get done will actually add to the world. Maybe if I'd said, "Solve world hunger," or something like that. It just seems like all of the things I'm hoping to accomplish could already be easily accomplished right now. Interesting.

Maybe you guys will do better with this. Or maybe I'm just too stuck up in "the now" to think that far ahead.

Namaste.

In terms of other interests, I hope I'll still be health

Dilbert Speaks

Well, actually, Scott Adams speaks, but same difference.

Here are some of Adams' thoughts on some current controversial issues. If anything, these questions and his responses are quite thought provoking.

If you find this interesting, you might want to check out God's Debris by Adams. It's full of similar awesome philosophical / political / scientific musings. And it's free. I have the hardcover version of this, but Adams decided sometime this year to start giving it away to see if people would then buy the sequel, The Religion War. Didn't work for him. I haven't read the sequel either. I can assure, though, that the original is great.

Anyway, if you want some thought provoking and funny reads, check out his blog. I've been reading it since this summer and it's more often than not filled with interesting and humorous posts.

Namaste.

Purpose is where passion and talent intersect.

Steve Pavlina

The "Save This for Later" Mentality

Wow, three posts in one day. Today must be a very special day. Or maybe it's because I've seen past the illusion of the "save this for later" mentality. Let me explain.

Over the past few days, mainly during the 3-period days we had last week, I've noticed a weird quirky kind of procrastination. After I'm done one task and before I choose the next task to do, I'll think something to the affect, 'Well, I could go and do [a] (with "a" being a useful and enjoyable task that I've thought of), but wait, I should save that for later, when I might not have something better to do.' I'll then proceed to do something less useful and less enjoyable because I don't want to "waste" the good activity.

With this sort of procrastination, I've put off writing this post for the past 3 days, I've put off writing a poem named "Everyone You Know Will Die" for about a month, and I've put off reading several interesting articles on the interweb that could turn out to be very useful. This sort of procrastination has killed several blog ideas (like my "the future of humanity" series, a series on meditation, and a series on Buddhist philosophy); I've always said, 'Well, I should save these ideas for when I have a dearth of ideas.' The problem is, I rarely have a dearth of ideas (whether or not they're any good is the problem), so I end up blogging on more and more mediocre ideas instead of the hard hitters that I've been "saving for later."

I haven't really seen anything on this form of procrastination in anything I've read. It's a really sneaky type because this act of procrastination seems right and intuitive. On the surface, it makes perfect sense, given some assumptions. In the future, I might be lacking in something, so it makes sense to save that something for that later date when I'll be lacking it. The only problem with this mentality is that it's based upon an assumption of scarcity. It's based on the idea that if I take a piece from the usefulness pie, that means there will be less pie in the future. However, life doesn't tend to work that way. Instead, life tends to work through abundance. When I take a piece from the pie, the pie will simply get larger to accommodate for the taking. This especially works in learning/creating. It's not as if when you've learned something about a certain subject, suddenly there's nothing left to learn. No, there's always more to learn, and the only way to get to that "more" is by learning the the things you're putting off out of fear of running out.

Hm, this is interesting. This sort of procrastination makes a potent partner with the perfectionism procrastination I often practice. For example, I've been putting off writing a draft of my graduation speech because I want it to be "perfect." Well, one that's not written is perfect, but it's only perfectly NOT written. Maybe I should get to writing a grad speech now...

The lesson: don't let the mediocre get in the way of the great out of fear that you'll somehow run out of the great. Always strive to spend you're day doing those things that are most useful and that you enjoy the most, and everything will fall into place. You want proof? You've just read the proof.

Namaste.

Note: I wanted to have more examples in this post, but they didn't seem to fit. I'll probably post a part two of this post where I add these things in. I'll save that for later... :)

Evolution: A Kinder, Fluffier Look

Doesn't it seem that evolution gets a bad rap? I mean, we always talk about how nature is "red in tooth and claw" and how natural selection is the "survival of the fittest." Geesh, that's a tough job to fill. Evolution: has to be a major dousche, a tough guy, a dick, and the strongest force currently working in the universe. Good luck.

But if evolution is such a giant bitch, why is it that life as we know it, human life, at least, has begun to become kinder and gentler? Why has altruism taken hold and spread, despite the "red" analogy?

The basic view of evolution is that it's this general trend in the universe towards greater complexity (though we rarely hear of it that way in school); however, to achieve this goal, evolution has to kill tons and tons of everything. Natural selection means if you're not "fit" by evolution's standards, you're a goner. Can't swim in water with a low pH? Tough. Develop some sort of cancer? You're dead. Can't deal with the climate change? Hasta la vista.

Yeah, that makes evolution look like a some sort of all-encompassing monster. But I suggest that evolution, as of late, has evolved into more of a kitten. Think of it this way: if evolution is the general trend of a growth the greater complexity, then doesn't it make more sense that evolution "wants" (though I realize anthropomorphizing a non-human, or even inanimate, concept leaves some major logical holes) the person with the cancer to be cured? If not, would evolution have developed the chemotheraphy and the radiation treatments that lead to health? If that person lives, it's not because their living is "against" the general trend of evolution, but rather because they are very much IN TUNE with evolutions evolving direction. Some would claim that they shouldn't live because they're not "fit" by nature's definition. But what definition of nature? The "wild" one when humans didn't have medicine? Why stop there? You could go back to the definition of cells in non-symbiotic relationships, or to when atoms didn't form into cells yet. Heck, go back to before the Unification Point to when all the forces of the universe were as one.

The point is, you can't judge someone's evolutionary fitness by a backwards glance. Evolution, just like everything else in the universe, EVOLVES. Don't judge human society by "nature's" standards. Would you judge nature by the standards of atoms (well, some would, but who's going to listen to the atomists)? The cancer survivor is very much in tune with evolution's principles, when viewed from the most modern level of evolution.

I realize that evolution isn't all that fluffy at levels lower than human. It seems as if the further back you go, the more violent evolution seems to get. Go back far enough, and you've got matter exploding into trillions of pieces to form the very solar system we live in now. Go back only a few million years, and you have the "red in tooth and claw" world of prey versus predator EVERYWHERE. When taken in this context, it's amazing how far evolution has come in such a short (on a cosmic scale) time. And even at those levels evolutions still worked to create greater complexity so that we could GET to where we are today. Evolution is very much continuous, you can't just skip from atoms to fully sentient humans. All the "dirty" stuff inbetween is just as necessary as the final result.

So, uh, yeah, I think it's time to give evolution some new PR. No wonder the pre-modern socities of the world rail against it. It's scary as shit the way we're talking about it. But when evolution can be seen as the ultimate agent of Love, about ten billion times better at delivering giant bolts of compassion throughout the cosmos than any anthropomorphic Father Figure, maybe then they'll get it. If not, then maybe all the scientists and rationalists of the world can stop being such giant dicks about helping others because that's not in tune with "evolution." Compassion is where it's at. Evolution says so. :)

Evolution isn't red in tooth and claw. Evolution is LOVE.

Free Write

I haven't had much time to myself over the past few days, which has been a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing, because I've had to be a participant in the game of life. Bad thing, because when I don't have enough "me" time I tend to get overly zoned out and a little moody.

Life has tons of these dichotomies in them. Life, death. Winning, losing. Day, night. Rich, poor. Excess, asceticism.

The catch is to find the middle path. The value of the mean. The way that can walk both paths without losing either side. The tantra.

I've yet to find that path. I've yet to discover that spell. I'm always way too far to one side or the other. I live life in it's extremes. Yeah, right. I'm extreme...

Take a deep breath. Be in the moment. Then let is all out. Wow, breathing is a dichotomy too. But one that quickly dissolves the barrier between the in breath and the out breath, quickly resolving to simply the breath. Then, suddenly, the breather and the breath dissolve into one, and everything is perfect.

Om mani padme hung.

To Choose or Not to Choose?

I've been going through a bunch of the articles at the Authentic Happiness website as of late. Apparently this is my new kick. It's funny how I go from one "up and coming" to the next with very little lagtine inbetween.

Anyway, one of the articles really got my attention, not so much because I liked it but because I at first totally disagreed with what it was saying. The article is the transcript of a speech given by Barry Schwartz, the guy who wrote The Paradox of Choice, a book I've cited on this site once or twice. The article can be found here for your reading pleasure.

The Reader's Digest version of his theory is quite simple: we have way too many choices, and these extra choices, which we would assume would make us happier, in fact lead us to more disatisfaction with life. An example is the cereal aisle in the grocery store. How many tens if not hundreds of different choices of breakfast cereals are there? Imagine if you had never been given a favorite type as a kid, and now had to pick one. Would you be paralyzed by the thought that you had to get the "right" one, or the "best" one? In such a case, would the excess choice get in your way?

I agree with Dr. Schwartz completely on this one. In many cases, people (myself fully included) sweat the small stuff way too much. Who cares if you have the right brand of some food, or the exact right digital camera, or the perfect version of a blog post. The perfect is often the enemy of the good.

Dr. Schwartz and I, however, diverge slightly when he goes on to proscribe being either an "optimizer" and "satisficer." The former is someone who constantly strives for the best in everything, while the latter accepts something when it is finally "good enough." Schwartz says that satisficers are happier, and therefore by default are the best of the two types. I would have to disagree. Personally, I think that we should always strive beyond what is "good enough," with good enough just being a euphemism for mediocre. If all of the greats of society had settled for "good enough," we'd still be rubbing sticks together in our caves trying to start fires. This may bring displeasure in the short run, but the long term benefits and rewards are astonishing. I guess it's the brooding scientist archetype in me. :)

Looking back over the article, though, I think that my disagreement with Schwartz is more one of semantics than anything else. He does warn that we should pick and choose when we should be optimizers and satisficers. In that, I think when he tells us to be satisficers the majority of the time, he means that we have to learn how to limit our possibilites. It once again comes back to that lovely node metaphor. If you're standing at a node with a near infinite number of paths leading from it, if you ever want to get somewhere, you have to choose one, and only one, of the paths, take a step, and never look back. Schwartz even hits on the idea that a career or a spouse can lead to greater happiness because they can shut down a good portion of the paths, creating a much simpler space for choice-making. This really is an elegant idea.

I guess I just still imagine that somehow, a fully realized human being should be able to stand above the sea of nodes and ride it like a wave. Somehow, an enlightened one shouldn't have to settle for good enough, should always strive for the best with a blissful smile on her face. He should be able to be, well, superhuman.

And I guess that's where my theory of choice fails miserably. Humans are capable of amazing things, but they nevertheless are human. It's the perfectionist shadow in me shining out. He's a pesky little devil, but much easier to see when I let contractions about my beliefs regarding choice and "perfection" to relax.

The great thing about all of this is that this theory is quite applicable to life. Trying to decide which car to buy? Do a good bit of research, and then give yourself 10 minutes to come up with your choice and stick to it. Planning your "future" (as if any of us could actually plan out our future with all the kinks that He throws in our way)? Look at your options, give yourself a set amount of time, make a choice, and stick with it, with hope and without regret. Then spend all the time you might otherwise spend sweating the small stuff enjoying that new car, or pursuing that new career, or talking to a loved one. Life is in the details, but the details can often suck the life out of living.

I suppose living freely sometimes means giving up freedom. And that is the paradox of choice.

Namaste

This Week the Trend by Relient K

And this week the trend
was to not wake up till 3pm
I picked the few conscious hours that I chose to spend
and slept away the rest of them

and this week the trend
was to crash and burn and then return again
to practice the life that I pretend
provides enough to get me through the weekend

so I say
get me a solution
and watch me run with it
and then you gave
you gave me a solution
what have I done with it
cause I was absolutely sure I had it all figured out
way back then
and now it's this minute, this hour, this day

And this week the trend
was to backstab every single one of my friends
and leave a voicemail message trying to make amends
all the while hoping things work out in the end

and this week the trend
was to borrow all the strength that you could lend
to keep my head above the water and not descend
back to where I said I'd never go again

So I say
give me a solution
and watch me run with it
and then you gave
you gave me a solution
what have I done with it
cause I was absolutely sure I had it all figured out
way back then
but after this day it's this week all over again

And I just want to get mugged at knifepoint
to get cut enough to wake me up
cause I know that I don't want to die
sitting around watching my life go by
and what we take from this is what we'll get and we haven't quite figured it out just yet
because all of us are all too stuck
strapped to a chair watching our lives blow up
stuck watching our lives blow up

Peek-A-Bee with Peak Oil

[Cross-posted on Think Bowl]

The worlds as we know it is about to change. In a very big way. And noone seems to care, or even know, for that matter.

Okay, so maybe that's a tad bit melodramatic and apocalyptic, but it's not too far for the truth. The era of post-peak oil is coming. And it's stands to change a lot of things. If you want a basic primer on Peak Oil, check out this article on Salon.com from today. It's a pretty well balanced look at the fate of fossil fuels in the US and the world.

What scares me most about all this is that the facts just don't seem to be out there for the public. Most geologists and economists (the people I'd think we should be listening to) seem to agree that in the next 10 to 50 years, oil will reach an all time high demand and low production and that this will have a drastic effect on the modern world. Yet, you don't see any of the major news stations covering this, any of the major newspapers printing it, or any of the leaders of the world realistically discussing it. Maybe it's not feel-good enough. 'Why tell people they shouldn't drive their gas-guzzling Hummers? That won't improve our ratings!'

My questions for everyone: how do you feel about all this? Do you think it's a big bunch of liberal propaganda to promote environmentalism, or is it for real (the science would seem to point in the latter direction)? How do you think it will effect your future? Do you think it will affect your future?

I for example, think this is a major oppurtunity for humanity to kick some major ass and take some giant leaps forward technologically. With breakthroughs in nanotechnology, humanity is very close to getting to the point that we can harness energy from the sun to directly hydrolize water, creating free hydrogen that can then be used as the "fossil fuel" of the future. That's the career path I most see myself in, so in a way, Peak Oil is involved in my future career prospects simply by coincidence. Go figure.

How about you?

Who Doesn't Love Happiness? - A Positive Look at Dr. Marty Segilman

In my continuing journey through Brian Johnson's thinkarete e-mail course, I've come accross a very, very interesting psychologist. His name is Dr. Seligman, and he's the father of a field of psychology known as positive psychology doing research at University of Penn. He's published several books, one of them called, rather generically, Authentic Happiness.

I have to admit, when I first saw all of this, I was a little skeptical. I was thinking something like, 'Oh, here comes the big happy doctor to just tell us to be more happy, all we have to do is smile more. Great.' Turns out I couldn't be more wrong.

Dr. Seligman is all about human potential. He's not about wishy washy "feel" yourself to happiness theories. He's a full fledged Maslowian in terms of believing that in order for someone to be happy, they must live authentically (I guess that explains the title). Actually, to be more specific, he breaks up a happy life into three types: the Pleasant Life (basically hedonism), the Good Life (being moral and compassionate) and the Meaningful Life (having some sort of purpose). He then goes on to integrate these different theories of happiness into his one, unified theory. Wow, I have to say, this is some really, really good stuff. I haven't even read anything substantial by him, and I'm already impressed.

The part of Seligman's work that interests me the most is his interest in the "meaningful" life. I've found through experience that purpose is indeed the one key ingedient to truly being happy. I've found a general formula for using purpose, but Seligman outlines a rather simple yet powerful guide. He teaches that you should find what you're really good at and really enjoy, and should then find a way to work more of it into your day. (This idea may seem really simplistic and intuitive, but somehow I've missed it up til now. No wonder those days filled with random web surfing and e-mail reading didn't quite cut the happiness quota). For example, there's this nifty little survey on his site called the VIA Signature Strength Survey. It basically tells you your top five strengths out of a list of 24 virtues that Seligman feels lead to a meaningful life. My strengths (according to this survey) are:

1. Self-control and self-regulation
2. Love of learning
3. Caution, prudence, and discretion
4. Judgement, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
5. Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith

I'd say those are pretty darn close. According to his theory, then, I should try to focus the majority of my activities around learning, critical thinking, and spirituality, while using a little self regulated discretion to make sure I don't go overboard. It's amazing, because that, to me, does sound like a rather fulfilling day.

An even more interesting use of the survey was to find my five greatest weaknesses. Here they are, from strongest to weakest:

1. Industry, diligence, and perserverance
2. Leadership
3. Capacity to love and be loved
4. Appreciation of beauty and excellence
5. Social Intelligence

Hm, those are pretty good too. Maybe this man does know his stuff.

My advice, try out the survey and read read the articles under "Newsletters." Think of it as a little Know Thyself exercise. At the very least, you'll learn something interesting about yourself. At the most, you might find your way to "authentic happiness."

Namaste.

PS - I was thinking. Why don't they teach this sort of stuff in high school. They give you classes on math, on science, on reading and history, but nothing on how to lead a truly fulfilling life. This is especially salient considering how many people lead a life of quiet desperation caught up in the hype that consumerism and materialism will - eventually - make them happy. I suppose schools are a little reluctant to legislate virtue, but this information does have a whole lot of wiggle room. I imagine eventually there will be positive psychology courses taught in public schools. It just didn't get there in time for us.

PPS - And if they're not going to teach courses on positive psychology, why not at least regular psych. Students have to take at least 2 out of the three physical sciences (biology, chemistry, and physics), but psychology isn't required. Why? It's probably the most useful of the sciences on a day to day basis, and yet it isn't required. What's up with that?

Do Good with Little Effort

Try out GoodSearch.com. It's basically a Yahoo-powered search engine that has developed a way to track and redirect a portion of its proceeds so that with each search, 50 percent of the revenue generated by advertisers goes to the charity of your choice.

I mean, can it get much simpler than that? This is the lazy-mans tool for changing the world. Mm, I love it.

This is a grass roots effort, so tell all your friends. I already have just by posting this blog! :)

Namaste.

A Simple Question

Okay, I've ruminated on this question before in the past, and I feel like it's time to do so again. Namely, the question is: is it possible, or even beneficial, to be 100% positive all the time?

I just finished listening to a podcast by Steve Pavlina entitled Building Confidence about how he feels that confidence should be something you just have, not something you acquire after doing all the necessary preparation. I guess this is similar to the school of thought that states happiness is something you choose to have, not something that just happens.

And I'm going way off into lala land right now, thanks to a headache and a general lack of flowitude at the moment. All the ideas are right up in my jaun-head, but they're just not coming out in any coherent manner. Isn't that annoying, when you know just what you want to say, but the words don't come out right?

I'm going to give this one a rest for now. I may come back to this at a later date, when my head is feeling better.

Maybe this could be the first topic discussed at Think Bowl? Or maybe we should wait for something more "profound?"

Anyway, I'm out for now.

Namaste.

A Blog is Born

Well, it's official: "Think Bowl: Thoughts in Chi" is officially up and running here. Now all there is to do is build up some sort of community around it so that the "we" space can truly flourish.

And that's up to you folks. If you'd like to take part in this experiment, please e-mail me here or leave a comment with your e-mail address so that I can add you to the "members" of this site. From there, you're free to blog away.

Thanks for your time and attention.

Oh, and you can read my general thoughts on the new blog in the post "A Blog is Born" at Think Bowl.

Namaste.

Long S's, F-Holes, Stringed Instruments, and Calculus

That's right. All of those things are actually related. Let me tell you a little story.

Last night, I was sitting at the Garnet Valley Jazz Festival, watching one of the bands play. While letting my mind wander, my gaze fell on one of the guitars onstage. This wasn't one of your typical acoustic, or even one of your typical electric guitars. It looked more or less like the one to left. Very, well, violin-like.

While looking at the guitar, I thought, 'Well, huh, isn't it weird that the openings on the guitar look an awful lot like an integral sign in calculus?' I shared this with some people and got a less than enthusiastic response (though I do still love your sense of humor :) ). I decided to shelve the thought for then and look it up when I got home.

And so here I was sitting, looking up the integral sign to find out of it had some relation to the openings on stringed instruments. First I was led to this article on Wikipedia about the Long S. If you've ever seen one of the original Constitutions of the USA, this is the symbol in Congress that makes it look like "Congrefs." No, it's not that the founding fathers didn't know how to spell, just that back then, the long s sound (like in the word paradiSe, loSt or CongreSs) was written as, well, a long s. It looks a lot like an F without the middle bar. Interesting.

I continued to read in the article and found out that Leibniz (the other founder of Calculus, with Newton being the first) used the long s as a shorthand for the Latin word "summa" (sum), which would be written "fuma," when writing integrals. This makes perfect sense, considering that the integral is the infinite sum of the function times dx. Wow, that makes a lot more sense than when I thought the integral sign was a f.

Still, I hadn't found the answer to my original question of "Why stringed instruments have an integral sign on them?" Though, now I could rephrase the question replacing integral sign with long s. It turns out those holes in stringed instruments are called f-holes because of their resemblence to the cursive f. But really, they're long s's. It's just that in modern typography, the long s isn't really used at all, so it's confused for f. The f-holes do serve as sound amplifiers, but at the same time they're mainly aesthetic. So, there's really no shape that they have to take, they've just taken taken the shape of the long s by tradition.

So, there you have it. A careful web we weave. Isn't it interesting how seemingly disparate objects could be so carefully intertwined? If not, I'm happy I learned a few new bits of trivia.

Namaste.

There Is a Season for Everything Under the Sun (A Discussion on Brain Waves and Physical Fitness)

And this months season seems to be personal development. I don't know if it's because I have so much free time, if it's because it's spring, or if it's just because this has always been something I'm passionate about, but I find myself engrossed as of late in the doing part of the doing/being continuum. For the past year or so I've been caught up in the being side, with the occasional doing, in terms of gaining more knowledge. Now, however, I want to do. Do-do. Wow, I'm mature.

Anyway, I know that I'm getting out of hand when I start to look into things like the Neuro-Programmer 2, Home Edition. The program on this site is essentially an audio player that contains several different tracks that supposedly help guide my brain waves to different types (alpha, beta, theta, etc.). I've always been a little skeptical of any of these "listen your way into perfect bliss" sorts of promises¹, but this one has a 15 day free trial, so I thought I'd give it a try. Plus, I know for a fact that brain waves have a lot to do with how I experience reality. The question is simply does this technology have the capabilities to manipulate my brain waves. A 15 day experiment it is!

Now to the physical fitness aspect of my self-actualization campaign. Let me start of by making a simple statement: if you're not in peak physical condition, you're not going to be in peak anything else condition. The Self builds up from phsyical to biological to mental to spiritual. Therefore, the physical and biological components lead to and therefore partially control any further levels of development. All that mumbo jumbo basically means: if you want to change something in your life, start out by getting physically fit, and it will be a lot easier for everything else to fall into place.

Fitness and physical exercise aren't things I often blog on, mainly because I don't see how I should have any right to. I'm a relatively fit guy, compared to most Americans, but being above average when the average is in the dumps doesn't mean very much. Plus, I've been a strength training horror story in that I can't gain (muscle) mass for the life of me, and therefore stand the chance of being scoffed at should I provide any fitness advice.

But, disregarding those two caveats, I'm going to go out on a limb now and talk about my recent forays into physical fitness, strength training, and other random fitness things. More specifically, as of late I've been focusing on bodyweight exercises for strength training simply because of the fact that I don't feel I have the equipment to do strenth training with weights. I figure I'm making progress, with the hopes of being able to do 100 pushups and 12 pull-ups within the next three months. Considering just 2 years ago I could do 0 pull-ups, I figure my strength training must be doing something for me, even if it's all neurological training.

While trying to find some good strength training, bodyweight routines, I came across Matt Furey's Combat Conditioning via Paul Salamone² (he's [Salamone, that is] one of the numerous Integral bloggers I read on a daily basis). Although all the hype looks kind of offputting, the exercises look solid and useful. I've been doing pushups, situps, and pullups (can't you just tell by looking at me :) ), but I think I'll definitely give some of these exercises a try. If all else fails, I can return to my non-exercising self. Well, not really.

Hm, maybe all this inspiration will get me to start practicing martial arts on a regular basis.

All I know is that for me, with exercise, simplicity is key. When I had all these plans and complicated exercises to do, I just didn't do anything. Now that I know that I just want to go for a 30 minute walk or do X number of pushups, motivation comes easy. A lesson, I suppose.

Well, this has turned out to be a rather long post. I suppose it's easy to tell that I'm passionate about stretching myself to max. Passionate about, but still just a side-line to my love of philosophy, science, and chilling with the friends.

Namaste.

¹ My main hesitation with such technology is that I might become dependent on it to attain focus, clarity, etc. I suppose as long as I continue to practice meditation, I will maintain my focus. Besides, driving a car doesn't make it impossible to walk, and likewise I don't suppose using this technology would make it harder to think. Even if it is new age whooie, I'll never know until I try it.


² By the way, if you're at all interested, Paul's 90 Days of ILP chronicles his journey of discovery using the Integral Life Practice Kit . I have to say, the idea behind this kit (which I'm not quite willing to shell out $200 for) has spurred a lot of my personal development exploits in the past few months. Well, that and the ever-conscious Steve Pavlina In fact, I'm even thinking of creating my own personal ILP from all the various practices I've picked up over the years. I might even post it here for your viewing and using pleasure!

A "Documentary"

Note: I wrote this post last night, but right when I tried to post it, my blog started to experience technical difficulties. Government conspiracy? Maybe. Well, probably not. But I can pretend I'm that important. :)

I spent the majority of this evening watching a documentary on 9/11 here. The premise is really quite intriguing, though I should note that this is definitely a conspiracy theory. I don't know how much water the theory holds, and I'm certainly not saying that all the ideas proposed should be taken as truth.

I know that about 33% of people won't care about this, the other 33% will think it's a stupid liberal plot to make the current government look bad, and the remaining 33% will be intrigued and disgusted by the theory proposed. I, however, am going to take a "fourth way" and look at this documentary as an exercise in taking different perspectives. First off, I was in 8th grade when 9/11 happened, making me 14 at the time. In other words, I was really young, really naive, and only thought to get really pissed off that someone would have the nerve to do something like those attacks to my country. Now, looking back on all this information and news coverage, I'm amazed at how little I actually knew about what happened. I didn't know the second tower to get hit was the first tower to collapse. I didn't know that no wreckage was found from the pentagon plane. I didn't know a lot of these things.

If anything, this documentary offers a mind expanding alternate view of a day we all think we know so well.

If you don't feel like watching the whole hour and twenty minutes of the video, the first 8 or so minutes gives a general overview of the main ideas. I had the time to watch the video, and found it interesting, disturbing, and thought provoking.

Just thought I'd share.

Namaste.

The effect of this is that you befriend your own suffering, you step into it. You don't recoil in the face of suffering, but rather use it as a way to connect with all beings who are suffering. You embrace it and then transform it by giving it a universal context. It's not longer just you and your isolated pain, but rather a chance to establish a connection with all others who are hurting, a chance to realize that "inasmuch as you do this to the least of my brethren, you do this to me." In the simple practice of tonglen, of compassionate exchange, Treya found much of her own suffering redeemed, given meaning , given context, givent cnonection; it took her out of her "own" isolated woes and into the texture of humanity on the whole, where she was not alone.

-- Ken Wilber, From Grace and Grit

You can never fail. The worst thing that can happen to you is to get a result different from what you expected or hoped for. And sometimes that "failure" can turn out to be the best thing in the world.

-- Me

MySpace: The Bane of Our Generation

Disclaimer: I too have a MySpace account. But I don't especially use it all that hard core. I look at the comments whenever someone leaves one, and I occasionally look at the posts for a good laugh. Other than that, I'd definitely say I'm a moderate user. Plus, as I say in this article, I have nothing against the concept of MySpace, just the execution.

In a similar vein the post from Hamlet below, I'm going to do some random MySpace bashing. But first, let me discuss the virtues of MySpace, for certainly MySpace is an honorable man (okay, I'm done with the Shakespeare references now).

MySpace really is a great tool. In the beginning (I think), MySpace was used as a means for marketing up and coming (or up and never really going to come) bands. It later evolved into what it is today: a social networking tool.

Social Networking is great. Especially in the Age of Information, where it's easier than ever to find new people based on where they live, their interests, etc., and talk to them. Used properly, MySpace can definitely create an extremely positive, proactive community. It's a giant step towards a Global Consciousness, I have no doubt. Maybe someday historians will look back on our generation and see MySpace as the Grandfather of a new age of human society.

In the meantime, and despite all these positive things about MySpace, I find it interesting to note many of the negative affects of MySpace, and how they reflect our generation as a whole. MySpace is a social networking site, yet a great deal of people use it simply to look at life through their shiny computer screens. I don't know if it's just me, but doesn't the "social" part of social networking imply that at some point, the user should go out and socialize? I know I'm being very black and white here, very stereotypical, but I find it interesting to find the number of times a person's comment reads, "I'm bored. Someone talk to me." Why not go out and talk to someone? Or just go and do something. You're bored. Do something. A simple equation.

Another of the pathologies related to MySpace, and to the "emo" subgroup, is the obsession with ones self to the point of narcissism. I've never actually gotten into a conversation with anyone that's said something like, "I have X-ty billion friends, that must mean I'm cool!" but I'm sure such conversations have happened. And come on, spending all that time to make some digital space look cool for your "friends" (what percentage of people's "friends" are actually friends?) think your cool? What's the point? Then there's the "depressive" MySpace users who use their accounts to extol the horrors of their existence (noone likes them, their dog died, or they failed a tough math test), seemingly ignoring that they are only one of millions involved in the same plight (many of which also have a MySpace account and therefore could be communicated with). Ironic that such isolation would occur on a social networking site.

I know I'm being a bit negative and hard on people that I could probably easily have been identified with last year. But that's just it. I was them just a short time ago, so I can more easily see where they're coming from and why it's so sad.

We, as a generation, have the tools at our disposal (including MySpace, if used properly) to change the world. I just hope we realize that before the spiralling abyss of depression sucks us into a MySpace of doom.

In the meantime, enjoy that guilty pleasure that is MySpace. But in moderation. Always in moderation.

Namaste.

Note: I hope this was a nice break from all my personal development spiel. Don't worry, I'm still working on it in the background. While sloughing through MySpace's. (Just Kidding) :)

What is a man,
If his chief good and market of his time
Be but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more.
Sure, he that made us with such large discourse,
Looking before and after, gave us not
That capability and god-like reason
To fust in us unused.

-- Hamlet

Living Life on Purpose

I've been doing a lot of random personal development stuff lately, which has unearthed for me a whole plethora of blog topics. It's amazing what a tiny bit of thinking can uncover.

One of the major things I've been thinking about / working on is goals and time management. You know the whole: I want to do X by Y, and will do this by alotting Z amount of time to it." I always seem to become interested in this sort of activity around springtime. It must have something to do with all the free time that bubbles up with the lack of extracurricular activities (yeah, I know you're thinking 'Get a job!', and actually, that's not such a bad idea. I might get around to applying for one this weekend, in fact!).

While working on all this goal planning (though I've yet to actually make any goals) and time managing, I came across an interesting conundrum: the goals are far more important than the time management skills. Even more interesting, there's definitely a level above goals that has even more power: purpose. It seems that there's a hiearchy of flowitude (yes!) from purpose to goals to time management to "results."

I think of it this way. If I had all the time in the world and could manage it well, what good would that do me if I didn't know what to use the time for. Sure, I could "manage" my way to watching every show on television, or becoming a level eight swordmaster on some MMORPG, or creating a giant castle out of cheese, but what good would that do me? And more importantly, what good would that do the world?

This problem manifests itself in another area of personal development I find interesting: polyphasic sleep. If you want to know about it, how to do it, and it's affects, check out the series on it by Steve Pavlina. The gist of the idea is that you take 20 to 30 minute naps 6 times a day instead of taking one (therefore monophasic) rest during the night. I have to admit the idea seems interesting. The amount of time it would "add" to ones life is astounding.

My only personal problem with it is: what would I do with all that time? I can't even get myself to get up earlier than 8 AM on the weekends because I don't honestly have anything I'm so passionate about that it can get me away from an extra hour or so of sleep. As of now, I'm hoping that this love affair with sleep has something to do with my being a teenager (because we apparently have majorly weird circadian rhythms) and not anything to do with me just being addicted to sleep.

Anyway, with that tangent out of the way, my point is that we should live life on purpose. No amount of time management skills, or goals, or anything "self-help" related is going to help with making you happy if you don't have a real purpose. Do things on purpose. Live life on purpose.

I'm working on my own personal purpose, though it's been like pulling teeth. It's almost as if I don't want to live life on purpose because I'm afraid of actually waking up and facing life consciously. For now, my purpose is something to the tune of "To live consciously, courageously, and in congruence with my beliefs."

Corny, yeah. But maybe it'll get me out of bed at 6 AM on a Saturday morning.

Note: Yeah, I'm on a major self-actualization kick as of late, so I apologize for all of these blog posts. I suppose their one redeeming virtue is that they're much more down to earth than my usual philosophical musings. Maybe you'll actually find something of value in them. And if not, hopefully you'll find my future posts more fulfilling.

Note (II): I'm glad to see the interest in the new blog idea. Well, more so in the idea of a new blog than in the idea I had for the new blog. :) I'll see how many of people's suggestions I can fit into the site. I still don't have a name for the blog or any idea what the domain name should be. I'm sure I could come up with something, but I was just wondering what everyone had in mind. Thanks for the interest.

Namaste.

Relationships

There seems to be a wave of serendipity coursing through the interweb, because just before I could get to it, Dave decided to write on relationships. Interesting. Of course, I have no proof that I intended to blog on this topic, but that doesn't really matter. It's still cool.

As of late, I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry into why I do the things I do. This all started with the simple but powerful question, "What is my purpose?" According to an exercise on StevePavlina.com, I'm supposed to do this until I find a response that makes me cry. Didn't quite get that far, but in the process I came across an interesting discovery: I know why I've never had anything even close to a non-platonic (read romantic / "going out") relationship.

It's quite simple really. Other than the simple fact that I've been exhibitting more or less introverted tendencies since a young age, there are two main factors that have gotten in my way. One is a fear of committment, or more specifically, a fear of loss of independence (or the rise of dependence) and the other is a general unwillingness to put in / ignorance of the amount of work necessary to truly make a real relationship work.

The dependence issue is easy. I'm a loner. I've always been the kid in the corner that the extroverts decided it would be fun to see if they could get to talk. I like doing things on my own, being on my own. Well, I used to. Luckily, as of late, I've definitely learned to love being with other people, and I have a blast whenever I get to hang out with my friends. But the same general desire to just sit by myself, learn, invent, and create has stayed with me throughout all of this. That's a definite hindrance to any sort of relationship, especially a non-platonic one.

The whole ignorance regarding the amount of work and unwillingness to put in that work in terms of relationships has also been a major and until now hidden hindrance to my ever having a non-platonic relationship (NPR... hahaha). When I look at other couples (because as I was reminded Thursday, I don't actually have any experience being in one :)), it all just seems so effortless. What I don't see is all the behind the scene stuff that makes it all work. It's as if I just see the seed put in the ground and then the flower eventually blossom. What I don't see is all the rain, sun, and other "deeds" that must go into the act of creating the beautiful flower. I guess I just assumed that if I ever found that special someone, it would all fall into place. Not to say that doesn't happen. Just that it is much more likely not to happen.

Well, that was a long winded way of saying I've been tripping myself up over the years (though admittedly I've only started thinking about this sort of thing since about 8th grade) in terms of NPR. After all that, I still don't know if I really want one. I mean, sure, I have crushes and such, and those are fun, but they rarely (for me at least) turn into anything. Why? Because of the reasons listed above. I'm too scared and too lazy.

Hah. Funny stuff. Yeah, I don't know how this all came to me, but it's really lovely to know. Now, should I ever decide to put forward the real effort, I'll know what obstacles to remove from my path. And in the meantime, I'll just keep going where the wind blows me and see what happens. Thus far, it's definitely taken me to some intersting places.

Good luck in all your relationships (platonic, non-platonic, and otherwise).

Namaste.

(Insert Name Here) Blog

I've been throwing around the idea (read procrastinating) of creating a joint blog that could be used by any of the readers of this blog (all 5 or so of you) to share their ideas on certain topics. I figure this could give people a chance to wet their feet in blogging (if they're at all interested), allow for more balanced content , and show me what other sorts of opinions are out there other than my own.

The rules for this blog would be very loose: you can write about just about anything you want, however you want, whenever you want. You have to be willing to let others criticize you, though. I won't have this turn into an "everything is equally good" fiasco.

I haven't made the blog yet because I haven't come up with a name for it or decided on what name to host it under. I'd hate to waste a perfectly good domain name on a blog noone likes the name of. If you have any suggestions, feel free to e-mail me or leave a comment.

Hopefully I'll have this blog up and running within a week. From there, who knows what could happen.

Isn't the "we" space wonderful?

Namaste.

Wide Awake

Disclaimer: No, I'm not mentally disturbed or suicidal. I just wrote this as an exercise in feeling such feelings. And as a wake up call to really live life. I've found that, like Poe, I find some of the most beautiful things to be the most melancholy. This story is an example.

The young man stepped from the balcony. 30 stories up, the drop looked exhilirating. Not that the man would ever consider actually jumping. But the possibility, the possibility was thrilling.

And this man lived through possibility. He sipped it in, swirled it on his palate, and savored every minute of it. There was the possibilty that the beautiful young woman that lived accross the hall might meet him one day and fall in love. There was the possibility that his boss would promote him to that position that he has been owed since he joined the company. And most of all, there is that possibilty that he might someday wake up to find passion in his life.

But not tonight. Tonight the possibilities are dry. He finds none. As he sits down at his kitchen table, pills in hand, the only possibility he can see is death. To end the buzzing thoughts in his head, to end the possibilites that never seem to come true, the man conisders the ultimate possibility. Death.

And ten minutes later, instead of finding himself in the arms of a women he loves, or atop a tall mountain he'd love to climb, he's curled up in a ball on the cold white kitchen floor. Dead.

The Future of Life

I, Nanorobot

For some reason, the above article really made me excited. Like, the sort of excited I used to feel about theoretical physics before I decided that I didn't want to learn about squarks and sleptons. The sort of excited I feel about meditation and mysticism and philosophy. And I'd thought that science couldn't do that for me anymore. I'm glad to find that I was mistaken.

This article discusses the nascent field of nanobiotechnology. For the past 40 years or so, biotechnology was the up and coming field in the physical sciences. Then 20 years ago came along nanotechnology. Now the two have crossed paths and spawned the Atomic Race of our generation, nanobiotechnology. This is the stuff that's really going to change how we live our lives in the coming years. This is the new computer, the new car, the new sliced bread of our generation, and we get to be involved in developing it. Score!

In a podcast I was listening to from Integral Naked, Stuart Davis discussed how he thought in the coming years, the human/technology barrier will become blurrier and blurrier to the point that technology will all but disappear. That means no more cellphones, no more computers, no more calculators. Not that we won't have the capabilities of those machines, but rather that they'll be integrated into us by nanotechnology. It's good to see that scientists agree with this analysis (Stuart Davis is a musician, after all).

This is all exciting shit. Of course, unfortunately, all these rosey scenarios are tempered with the dystopian possibilities of human nature. Ug. Yin yang, indeed. As always, this area allows us to either succeed and reach a whole new level of possibilites, or to fail and royally screw everything up. Let's succeed, shall we?

Post Script - I've found out that nanobiotechnology (NBT) is more or less the common name for biomimetics. This is very exciting, since NBT seems to be much further along than biomimetics. I'm left with a conundrum though: I can't triple major in biology, physics, and chemistry. I'll have to settle for a double major in physics and chemistry, and then some specialization into NBT in grad school.

But then there's always the chance that I won't take that path at all. :)

When I was a senior in high school taking AP Calculus, I grasped the material so quickly and easily that I soon became bored, so I boosted the challenge by doing my assignments creatively. Not only would I often solve problems using methods that weren’t taught in class, but I’d frequently do my homework on unusual media. For example, I’d do my homework in crayon or colored pencil, on a single 2″ x 2″ (5cm x 5cm) piece of paper, or on the back of a cereal box cover. Every week I challenged myself to come up with a creative new way to do my assignments. Fortunately, I had an amazing teacher who was willing to tolerate my obnoxiousness.

-- Steve Pavlina

Why didn't I think of that?

Each of us lives one life and lets the alternative lives die. It's a constant grieving of what could have been -- other lovers, other teachers, other cliffs, other desk jobs, other cars, other coasts, other sorrows.

Those things that might have been branch out infinitely. You could mourn the infinite branchings if you were so inclined. You could mourn every road not driven, every sip not swallowed, every puff not puffed, every pill not popped, every body not unfolded, every face not kissed, every field not plowed, every shirt not unbuttoned, every suit not tried on, every rain not tasted in the annual tasting of rain, every poem not read by every fireplace not lit, every dream not remembered in every sleep not slept.

You could be at it awhile is what I'm saying, if you chose to mourn it all. You just can't. So you choose the big ones. This was a big one. This was a literal life literally unlived.

The debate is not about abortion. That's another conversation for another bar, later in the evening, with extra crying and recrimination. This debate is about possibilities accepted or declined, and the mourning of the possible. We decline the possible every second, we prevent it in a million ways, we stop it before it begins, we stop it after it begins.

-- Carry Tennis

Mysticism Hits the Mainstream

Christmas of '04, I read a book called The Biology of Transcendence : A Blueprint of the Human Spirit. This book discussed the author's encounters with peak experiences, and offered one possible explanation for them. Namely, he believes that the human mind eminates from the three part brain (the reptilian, limbic, and neocortex) as well as from the most recent manifestation, the heart. He went on to postulate ways to become healthier and enlightened through a method devised by the Institute of HeartMath.

At the time, I thought the idea was really cool, but I never would have guessed it would hit the mainstream. Yet today, as I looked through my e-mail, I found an article on nothing less than the Today Show on NBC discussing HeartMath. Hm, you don't get much more mainstream than that. What's most exciting about this is the truly integral approach this institute is taking. In the video on the site, Dr. Erminia Guarneri,the representative from HearthMath, talks about how the heart isn't a one dimensional physical entity, but rather a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual manifestation. Holy shit! She just talked integral on national television.

Needless to say, I find this all very exciting. I suppose it further proves the quote by Schopenhauer that "all truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed; Second, it is violently opposed; and Third, it is accepted as self-evident."

This idea may upset the reductionists around us, but I say down with reductionism! They've had their 300-year reign. It's about time we start excepting the whole Cosmos, not just the small part we can see.

Namaste.

Creating Health for Others

While watching Schindler's List, I had a strange revelation about health: being healthy isn't about me, it's about what I can do for others¹. As I watched the Nazis kill many Jewish Poles, I thought, 'Okay, if I were there, how well would I stand up to those bastards physically.' Then I realized, 'Not so well.' So, there is my incentive to be fit. While true that my life will most certainly be better if my body is tuned up and well oiled, I find fitness in the service of others to be more appealing. The motivation from the thought of having to defend others by myself is much stronger than any motivation derived from the hope of looking good or feeling good.

I realize that this idea isn't anywhere near original, as it's spread throughout the corporate world, though in a slightly pathological form. In this manifestation, the idea is that unfit workers hurt productivity, therefore it's in the interest of a company to get their workers fit. This is very true: there's definitely a hierarchy of development from physical to biological to mental to spiritual. If you don't have the physical and biological levels (the ones encompassed by being the colloquial term "fit"), you're not going to have optimum mental or spiritual levels either. That's just the way it is.

I don't especially appreciate the companies getting involved in people's personal lives (therefore why I call this strain of the idea "pathological"). I'd prefer if people would come to this conclusion of their own free will. But free will only gets you so far; at points, you do have to legislate healthy behaviors. Take segregation for example: if we really had majority rule in this country, many states in the south would still have segregated everything. At some point, enlightened common sense does have to win the day.

Hm, I guess this whole "health for others" is just another manifestation of the Bodhisattva Vow. This vow states loosely that I will attain enlightenment in order to help enlighten all other beings. So, in the health form, it states that I'll attain optimum health so that I may show others the benefits of optimum health.

And now I have no excuse to skip a day of working out. How does my excuse of "I'm tired" stand up to my obligation to all sentient beings? Not so much.

Namaste.

¹ I witnessed another manifestation of this "not about me but others" idea during my Steinbright scholarship interview. The winner of the scholarship from two years ago was given the job of talking to all the applicants and asking them if they had any questions. At one point, it was just her, my parents, and me in the room. I really, honestly had no questions, and therefore sat silently in quiet meditation (like I normally do when I don't have anything pressing to do). But still, I was thinking, 'Wow, this must be really uncomfortable for her. I should make small talk so she doesn't have to feel so uncomfortable.' I, in such a situation as she, would be perfectly comfortable, but I could sense her discomorft. I didn't act on this impulse, but it was there nonetheless. Maybe it's a sign that I'm maturing.

Goals (Or Something Like That)

I've been putting off making goals for way too long. I have had goals on and off since Freshman year when I read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. But not one of those goals has lasted the three year journey to today. I mean, yeah, I still try and be physically fit, and my diet has grown more and more healthy. I have learned more information than I could have even imagined existed at the age of 15. But all of those things happened because I'm very "lucky" when it comes to those areas of life. In terms of living consciously, I somehow manage to get the benefits without putting in any of the work. And it's time for that to change.

Let me put it more simply. Somehow, I just managed to get valedictorian. I didn't work hard at it -- at least not consciously (luckily for me, I just kind of am naturally "gifted" in the academic sector) -- but managed to end up on top (though to be honest, I did have the goal of being valedictorian, or more specifically, beating my brother's GPA). I managed to develop a healthy diet and a (relatively) consistent exercise plan just out of sheer luck. Wanting to be healthy somehow came naturally to me. I didn't have to put any effort into it. Same with learning any of the things I have picked up: calculus, chemistry, writing, all of these things came about because I'm "lucky" at that sort of thing. That's where my talents lie.

What about where I'm not lucky, not as talented? Sports, relationships, riding a bike. For Christ's sake, I can solve a differential equation, but ask me to sit down on a bike, or have a ten minute conversation with someone I don't know, and I freeze up. Why? Because that's not where I'm "lucky" or "gifted" or "talented." Those are the areas of my life where I'd actually have to put in some effort to get noticeable results. Not a whole lot of effort, but still more than I've yet to put in, and definitely more than I've had to put into my academic/health/spiritual pursuits. If it doesn't come naturally to me, then I just don't tend to do it. And that's where goals come into play.

I guess I should be setting up goals around areas that I have the most difficulty. Not that I should necessarily forget about the cerebral and the physical and the spiritual, but just that I can more or less depend on my "gifts" in those areas to carry me forward with little conscious effort.

Plus, goals are the big questions that I should ask myself every day to set my compass. Goals are the reason to get up in the morning instead of enjoying just another few minutes (hours) of sleep; or as I like to call it, the lovely cessation of consciousness. Goals create the passion that pushes me forward, gets me to thinkarete, gets me to self-actualize. Being and doing are not-two, but that doesn't mean that I ignore doing always in favor of being. Especially when I'm not actually being, but rather just doing random things that are of little or no value.

In each human life, there is only a finite amount of time in the relative domain. Yes, that means I will have to make tough decisions. I won't be able to travel down every node, take every possible path, or taste ever fruit. That shouldn't stop me from taking A path, even if it's the wrong path. A wrong path is better than no path because at least with the wrong path, I can learn something along the way.

I still haven't come up with any goals. But at least I know I should make them in the areas of relationships, communication, and riding a bike. :)

Namaste.

Fasting, Steinbright, And Schindler

This is going to be a rather disjointed post because I don't have anything much specifically to talk about, so I'll just talk a little bit about a lot of things.

Let's see. I'll start my with my "Friday Fast." Practicing Catholics don't eat meat on Friday. Super practicing Catholics fast on Friday's. I being neither of those things still chose to do an experiment and not eat food today. It's been different, though not as weird as I thought it would be. It really just feels like the days when I'm sick don't eat because of an upset stomach. I'm most suprised by the fact that I'm not really that hungry, at least physically. The hunger is much more psychological (i.e., I would like to eat something just to have the taste in my mouth, just to feel the texture of the food). Though that makes sense, really. The majority of the joy from food doesn't come from the sense of being full, but rather from the taste and act of eating. I just never realized that as much until I wasn't eating.

This has definitely been an interesting experience. My sense of smell is about 10X stronger whenever I'm around food, it's really funny. And I went to sleep at 4:45 really tired and got up at 6:40 thinking it was Saturday. Interesting.

Now to the Steinbright scholarship. I got a letter today saying I wasn't chosen. They did give me a random scholarship for $17,500 instead of $25,000.

All I have to say is: Huzzah! I realize that I'm kind of being a real asshole for being happy that I didn't get a super scholarship, but the truth is I don't really want to go to Ursinus. As I told my mom, that's my brother and sister's college, not mine. Hopefully Villanova will give me enough money that my decision will be really, really easy.

Schindler. I watched the first disk (about 2 hours) of Schindler's List. Man, that makes me feel like shit. The Holocaust definitely sucked. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was me thinking about what I'd have done if I were there. And I don't know if I'd have stood up to the Nazi's. I honestly don't know. I'd like to think so. But I don't know.

And then I think about the Sudan, Tibet, and all the other places where genocide continues to happen in the world, and I realize that I am sitting by while atrocities happen. It's not a theoretical. It's a fact.

But I don't know what to do.

What a whirlwind of topics. Fasting, college, and genocide. Hm, and my hands are shaking.

The joys of being alive.

Namaste.

States, In Slow Motion, With Sound

You asked for it, and here it is! Chichester getting announced for States, in slow motion, with sound. I had to speed it up just a little so that the audio would sound like ANYTHING. Even now, it sounds like little of anything.

I mean, try something for me. Close your eyes and listen to just the audio. Doesn't it sound like a whale song?

LOL.

Enjoy.

The "Why?" Always Supplies the "How?"

Isn't it interesting how the why always gives the how? I mean, if you really, really want something, and you know why you want it, somehow suddenly all the hows fall into place.

Take brushing my teeth for example. This daily chore can quickly become just that, a chore. It's something I have to do every day, once a day (I don't do it twice a day, even though that's recommended), and it's not all that interesting. Some days (gasp) I decide not to brush, because I know my teeth will be there the next day. I don't have any cavities, so this plan has yet to failm me.

I decided that I want to know why I should care about brushing my teeth. I mean, since childhood I've been told, "Oh, you'll get cavities. You don't want to get cavities!" Sorry, that just isn't a good enough why. So, I did a little research and came across a WebMD article about teeth brushing. It says something to the affect of, "Brush your teeth because there's a direct link between periodontal health and overall body health." That's a lot better than, "The cavity monsters will get you!"

And now with the why, I'll find it much easier to figure out how to find the motivation to brush.

Yes, a little dull and everyday. But in Zen, it's said that if you are going to brush your teeth, then BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

Namaste.

What to Write About?

Hm, this is definitely a major cop-out post in a way. Why? Because I'm a getting a free post in without having to do any real work. At the same time, I do really need figure out something to write about now and in the future, and this will give you some idea of my thought process. Therefore, it's all good.

Let's see. There are about 101 Dalmatians -- I mean, topics -- that I could talk about. The kick is choosing one that someone other than me will actually be interested in reading. That's always the hard part.

You see, I could write about SO, but that limits my audience to, oh, everyone that already reads this blog. I could write more about meditation and spirituality, but that limits the interested to myself and the random bum on the street that's also reading this (if there really are any bums reading, I apologize and say Keep on Truckin'!). Life is always a safe topic, but that's essentially what this article is about, so I've used that one up. Then there's recent reading I've been doing. That, too, is limiting.

Instead, let me give you a Witness exercise, just for fun, and see how you dig that. In the meantime, I'm going to be figuring out how to fast for tomorrow. Ah, the modern world. Were you meant for me?

I'll just point you to this awesome pointing out exercise on KW's website.

Namaste.

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Teddy Roosevelt

States It Is!!!

Chichester High School has finally done it. We're going to states! It only took us three years to go from a nothing team to a states team. Why? Because we rock!

We have a lot of work to do between now and April 28th. At least, I know I have a lot of work to do. Time to memorize Ecology, become an expert at doing Chemistry Labs, and learn all there is to know about solving problems practically. An exciting next few months.

And by the way, us getting announced for States is hilarious in slow motion. Here it is: