As I sat down to meditate last night, everything was going well. When I meditate, the goal is to just count my breaths, from one to ten and back again, and focus only on the breath. I got through the first 5 minutes or so with no problem (I tend to meditate for 10 minutes in the morning right after I get up and in the evening right before I go to bed). It was looking good. Looking to be a "good" meditative session.
But then the second five minutes came. And my mind just kept racing. Zooming from one thought to the next. No break inbetween. Really. Really. Fast.
I kid you not, my head started hurting just from the effort to NOT think. I started to get really fatigued from the effort to focus on my breath. It seems counterintuitive. But just try it for a second. Take a moment, just a minute or so, and just count your breaths. Close your eyes, and do just that.
Now, how long did you go without thinking, "Wait, am I doing this right? This is pretty cool. Hey look, I'm thinking again. Man there are so many more things I could be doing. But doing this is important to. But blah blah blah?" Ten seconds? Thirty? A minute? If you went that long, you're better than me.
It seems so strange. That we spend the great majority of our lives with these little internal dialogues (monologues?) going on inside our heads. Speaking for myself, I know that most moments of every day are spent in this internal talk. "Wow, I have a lot of homework. I'm tired too. But this is so stupid. But today was a good day overall."
Cut it out already.
The internal chatter is the nature of the mind. Not the brain. Not biochemistry. Of the Mind, with a capital "M." Eastern Philosophy calls it the "monkey mind," because it jumps from thought to thought like monkeys through the trees. And it's hard to tame a monkey.
It seems rather felicitous that today's Rigpa message covers this same topic. It compliments this post well.
But then again, this post, that post, it's all just more thinking. More of the monkey mind jumping from branch to fragile branch.
Sometime it has to get Grounded. Will today be the day?
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1 comment:
lol, sounds like you're having trouble with the addiction to information thing again. It is pretty hard to control my thoughts sometimes... but only when I'm thinking about something. I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I have this paradox where if I'm laying down and I imagine myself walking along a thin plank, I never make it across because my mind always builds the image of me falling. But in your case, you just say that your mind is very... well... like.. a John Kelly. Always has to have it's hands on something or doing something. Hey what's this! Who's that over there, what does this mean? And no, I'm not comparing you to John Kelly, just your mind. It's ok Dave, I still love you.
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