(Cross posted on ThinkBowl)
Yesterday, I had a conversation with some friends about romantic relationships. Well, by conversation, I mean I was bitching because I didn't want to watch a specific movie (it was a "chick flick"), which brought up the topic of romantic relationships and why I have such an aversion towards them. The conversation didn't go very far last night (mainly because of my antagonistic behavior), and I would really like to get some input on this topic. You know, open up my perspectives, let a little light into the dimly lit cell known as my mind.
So, anyway, the conversation last night developed into two more or less antagonistic perspectives: the first stating that romantic relationships lead to a loss of self (well, that's how I put it) that is not beneficial or healthy; the second stating that romantic relationships lead to a whole new level of self, one that has room for both people in the relationship without the loss of anything (well, that's how I interpret that side; please correct me if I'm misinterpreting the argument). I'm not going to go on any more in terms of both sides of the argument, because I don't think I have enough experience or knowledge about position two to accurately portray it. Therefore, let me continue with argument one, my argument, as of last night.
In life, there are always two ways that an individual can relate to things: either through agency (individualism) or communion (relationship). An increase in agency necessitates a decrease in communion and vice versa. Therefore, if you enter into a romantic relationship with someone, you go up a notch in terms of communion, but you also necessarily go down a notch in agency. As I put it last night, you stand a good chance of "losing yourself (or your Self) into the other person."
Now, admittedly, I've only come up with this theory through a life of watching cable television and its shallow plots filled with excessive amounts of drama and listening to pop music filled with even shallower situations. I realize that romantic relationships work, and I'm not criticizing them. I'm just saying that FOR ME they seem like an impossibility.
With that said, I also realize that my desire for independence is most likely the manifestation of some sort of shadow (unconscious element of my psyche) resulting from spite and cynicism, and that I should definitely be open to the whole picture, not just the tiny slice that I can see. With even more thought, I'm coming to the conclusion that argument two holds more water, and that it's a matter of healthy vs. unhealthy romantic relationships, NOT a matter of romantic vs. non-romantic relationships.
I look forward to any responses regarding romantic relationships, platonic relationships, or any other sort. Or, if this makes you think of anything completely not related that you think is post worthy, go for it. I want more perspectives on this than the one I have (which, by it's very nature is slanted towards a male, "single" perspective).
Thanks for you time.