It's so easy to say, "I'd be great at X if I only did it." In fact, it's probably one of the easiest things in the world to say. And yet it must be one of THE most disempowering phrases ever to leave the lips of a human being. And yet, I know at least of myself, it's one of the most commonly uttered [usually mentally].
A close relative to this phrase is its twin, "I'd be great at X if I only had the TIME to do it!" I'd say this is probably just about the second most uttered phrase I use. Coupled with ideas about having more energy, more money, more materials, etc. But TIME, that's one thing that I can get more of.
Something that I in fact have more of now. And surprisingly, I haven't gotten much further along than I had previous to having all this time. I have all the time in the world. 24 hours. From dawn until dusk. Nothing scheduled. Nothing I 'have' to do. No obligations to anything or anyone. And yet why don't I get all those things done [and not only done, but done well] that I otherwise would have gotten done had I just had the TIME?
Funny how that works. All I want is time until I have it. And then I waste it away. I've wasted a good part of this break [exaggeration alert: I've only had three days of break so far, and saying I've wasted them means that I've gone through them doing things that I want to do but feeling more or less like crap]. I haven't gotten any of the things done that I know for certain I could get done, if I only had the time.
Things like get back into exercise. Well, I didn't have time last week to exercise. If I had only had the time, I would have done it! But now I do have the time. And the extent of my exercise over the past three days has been a set of squats and push-ups.
Or meditation: I fell off the cushion a bit last week, with all the late nights and early mornings. But with time, certainly I could find a way to meditate. I meditated last night. That's it. I didn't meditate this morning. I haven't meditated any of the times that I might otherwise have.
The list obviously goes on and on. Little things and big things. I have an interesting vCast idea. I didn't have the time to do it today. Besides, I know that if I do it, it will be amazing.
But no, I know that if I do it, the vCast won't turn out anywhere near as well as it did in my head. In my dreams. In fact, the difference between the two will be the difference between night and day. And that's actually why I don't do it. That's actually why I don't do any of the things that I might otherwise do if I just "had more time." I don't need more time, I need to accept that success is 95% failure.
That's the link between all the "if only's" I've listed so far. I'm afraid to admit that I'm not exactly in very good shape. So, if I just keep putting that off until I have the time, I'll never have the proof that I'm not in good physical shape. And if I don't have the proof, who can prove me wrong? I KNOW that I could do a great job on all the homework I have to do this break. But maybe it'll take longer than I'd like. And maybe I'll have to put a bit more work into it than I'd like. But I won't have to admit that until I actually start the work. Until then, I can live in my fantasy land where all homework is easy and I get it done without any sort of sweat.
It seems to me that procrastination [the bane of every college students existence] is just this little thought of, "Oh, how well I would do that, if I only did it!" writ large. Of course you could do it well if you only did it. You wouldn't be in college otherwise. But that doesn't mean you don't have to DO IT! Until we reach the point that thoughts manifest directly into reality, you still have to do The Work.
I'm afraid, then. I'm afraid that this break stands to be a giant continuation of this trend of not accepting reality. Not daring to face reality out of fear that I'll come up short. Of course I'll come up short! If I didn't, then I must have lost my ability to dream. If I constantly show up to reality the way I imagine I should, then I most certainly need to improve upon my vision. Because vision matching reality is mediocrity.
But that has yet to happen. I have yet gotten to the point that I can manifest everything in action that I think of in my mind. And that's a blessing. It's what gets me up in the morning. The hope of progress. So I shouldn't let the false progress of my dreams impede the real progress of my actions. Because our thoughts may in fact make our reality, but not without actions.
The haze has lifted. A bit. More than it usually does. It normally takes me until about a week before the break is done to figure all this stuff out. Over. And over. And over again. Not that much time with only a week of break at hand!
May everyone come to realize that fighting with reality, just because the reality in our head is SO MUCH BETTER, is a losing battle. And that the only way to win is to come to accept reality as it is. Quite real.
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1 comment:
I think the problem is that you're letting your thoughts go too far ahead of your capabilities.
You ought to give yourself a reality check before you go thinking that you're going to be "superawesome man."
And the reason for that is not to bring yourself down, but to keep your sanity. If your expectations are always too high, you'll do the following:
You'll always be unhappy because of disappointment.
You'll never "try" any of the things that you think you're good at or that you should do.
Just for one day, take yourself down from your pedistal and work your way to the top by "doing," not thinking.
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