Ruminations

Closing Down

2007-08-30T15:55:00.001-04:00

Well, I closed this blog down a while again. And then brought it back. But I think it's time to close shop again. Having two blogs is just so unwieldy. And unnecessary. Especially when my readership is about, oh, 7 people, max.

But don't worry, I'll still be posting over at Thinking about Thoughts. And hopefully more regularly too.

You know, like I always say I will.

But to close things off, I end with a quote:

Your school got it's name when some guy said, "Hey, what is this school all about?" The other replied with sort of a stutter. He goes, "Ah... ur... science?" Urscience. Think about it!

Priceless.

This is me, signing off.

'What's Yer Major?'

2007-08-07T14:29:00.001-04:00

The nearing of school brings me back to last year and all the introductions. "Hi, what's your name?" Now you know what to call the person. "Where are you from?" Now you know the general mannerisms to expect from the person. "Oh yeah, and what's your major?" And now you know how to judge them in their entirety.

Funny how those three things were really all you cared about. At least at first. Beyond those first moments of traveling from stranger to acquaintance, there were many more opportunities to grow even closer, even to the point of close friend and occasionally, best friend.

But at first, all you needed were three pieces of information. Name, Hometown, and Major. There you had it.

In occasions that didn't involve freshman [i.e., clubs, sports, other misc. organizations], you might need to add the person's grade. Though I don't even know if they call it 'grade' anymore in college. Isn't it just class now? I'm in the sophomore class. Yeah, that's right.

And with that really fine mesh, I'd judge a person. 'Oh, he's a ESS major? I don't even know what that is. Like, English as a Special Study? Oh, nice, he's a chem major! But wait, he wants to be an MD. And thinks I want to be one too? What a presumption! Man, where are the pure scientists? Another BIO major. I swear. To. Freakin'. God!'

And quickly I'd find that those judgments were pure bunk. But I'd make them anyway. And I'll probably continue to make them.

I wonder how you identify yourself in the real world. Just by name? I guess the profession gives away your area of expertise. Then you're Bob the Builder. Or Joe the Pharmacist. Or Brian the Author. And no-one even needs guess at who you are. It's built into your title.

This is a shoddy way to live. As I heard once, labels are for cans of soup. And yet, they're all we've got in the beginning.

And here we are, at another season of "Hi, what's your name?"

Life's a series of introductions. Might as well get better at them.

Creating Your Own Religion in 11 or More Easy Steps - Introduction

2007-08-06T18:26:00.001-04:00

I've been throwing this idea around in my head for the past few days now, and I think it's time to shed some light on it for the general viewing public.

A recurring idea in all my ruminating has been how little I've actually progressed in the past 4 and a half years that I've spent actively trying to move forward in any sort of corny, humanistic, Da Vincian, Vetruvian Man kind of way. Self-study, something advised by everybody from the Ancient Greeks to the Stoics to the Buddhists all the way up to the latest self-help guru, is the order of the day. And I've been spending the past 4 and a half years totally avoiding that proscription for growth.

I mean, sure, I've picked up some neat-o things along the way. Like eating vegetarian [Buddhism]. Or occasionally meditating [Buddhism]. Or starting to do things now, realizing that you don't have to be perfect the first time, or even the hundred and first time [Ze Frank]. I've even learned some mind hacks that make learning just a little bit easier, like using the natural learning cycle 60 minutes as a cap for studying length.

But I haven't really improved in any sort of Super Man, Nietzschean way.

And now I know why.

It's because you can't learn second hand. Well, no, that's not right. You can learn second hand, but you can't live second hand. You can try to. But that just ends up with half-starts and pseudo-finishes. All the great men and women in the world have gone out of their way and created their own belief system. Either that, or thoroughly embraced an existing belief system and made it their own.

In other words, they went out of the way and thought about stuff. And in the process discovered greatness. Not because they were looking for it, but because they weren't. Because they were just looking for a way to make this world make a little more sense and hurt a little less.

And so, I present to you my attempt at creating a belief system. Well, almost. This series will be satirical, in the best way possible. It will trace the steps I'm following, but not the actual results I'm getting. Because that would be a little dry.

Without further ado, let the blaspheming begin!

For your [pre]viewing pleasure, here are the preliminary ELEVEN (+) STEPS TO YOUR VERY OWN FAITH:

Become fed up with the 'real world'
Discover a Higher Power
Receive a Revelation from said higher power
Write down some sort of Holy Text to follow obsessive compulsively
Said text must contain religious edicts that no (wo)man can hopefully follow in practice
Create a mythology around the reception of your Revelation and the writing of your Holy Text
Gather a group of fellow followers
Conscript a band of Saints [not necessarily anyone directly involved in your Religion] to exemplify the ideal practitioner
Develop completely unrealistic but completely unresistible expectations for what you can get in This life and the Next
Draw a symbol that will strike either Fear or Loathing in the hearts of those unlucky enough not to follow your Religion
Confabulate a name, preferably ending in -ism, down to earth enough not to be confused with Scientology but cool enough not to be confused with Mormonism

I'll take them one post at a time, using as many examples from Judeo-Christian, Buddhist, Modern Religious [i.e. Mormonism, Scientology, etc.], and other sources as possible.

Until then, umbkby.

The Art of the Mundane

2007-07-05T19:57:00.001-04:00

I've been slowly having one of those profound but obvious epiphanies over the past few days. Nothing new, but still something that seems like it might just be important to live a beautiful life.

But first, a random side note about living a beautiful life. That's something else I realized over the past few weeks. That living a beautiful life shouldn't be easy. Okay, I should probably define a beautiful life. But I don't know what that would be. I could say living a 'good' life, where we define good in the Platonic sense. As in, living life to it's fullest. Yeah, that's a beautiful life. And that doesn't come easy. It seems like that sort of thing should really be 'natural,' that we should automatically come out on top. But if it were so easy, then more people would end up living that sort of life. And if you take a little sneak peak at the world, I think you'll see that very few people are living the life that they really want to live. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But I would say that few people are living up to their maximum potential. I mean, you can't even know your maximum potential.

So, yeah, there you have it. Living a masterful, beautiful, good life isn't easy. I would imagine that's half the fun of it, though. If life were so easy to live so well, then where would we find the challenge. Kind of that conundrum of 'If you could only be happy, like dopey happy, all the time, would you want that?' I mean, sure, it sounds great. But being in the sunlight 24/7 sounds good too, until you get sunburn and the cancer.

But back to my original premise. Which I haven't told you about yet. Hehehe. I'm so good at reeling them in the reader, huh? But whatever, here it is -- the big cahoona, the ultimate truth to life, the universe, and G-d:

To master life, you must master the mundane.

Buh buh buuuuuh! Okay, sounds really lame. I know. You don't tend to think of mastery and the mundane in the same sentence. But if my idea sounded completely intuitive, you wouldn't still be reading right now. So let me explain.

Basically all roads [scientific, religious, philosophical, sport, etc.] point to one and only one Rome: the only way to gain mastery at anything is to do it. And then do it again. And then do it about 99,998 more times. Or at least, that's the rule of 10,000 hours to mastery. I think the science is there. I didn't really look it up. But it sounds pretty impressive.

So, if the secret to mastery is doing something 1E5 times, then why don't more people reach some level of mastery? Well, the simple truth that I'm realizing, for me personally, is that I tend to make something much less mundane than it should be. If I want to get better at running, I should probably just hit the roads and get out there and run. I mean, duh, right? Then why haven't I been out there every day for the past two months? Because I'm expecting some sort of special formula? Because I think that running is a special occasion that only works when all the variables are set to 'go'?

If you want to reach the point of running at your best, you have to make it just 'another one of those things.' Like eating. And defecating. And drinking water. And breathing. It shouldn't become more important the better you get at it. It should become less important. It should just fade into the background of your life. Because that's when you know your full mental energy, not just your fancy smancy prefrontal cortex mental energy, is allotted the task. We're all masters of breathing, of eating. Why? Because we don't really think about it. Tiger Woods isn't a master of golf because he worries about it more than the average golfer. He's a master because he thinks about it less. The best runner in the world probably doesn't see running as a big deal. The best writer doesn't see writing as an amazing activity. The better at something you get, the more you realize it isn't magic that makes it all work. It's just something that you're body/mind does. Just do it, for Jehovah's sake!

But let's address that one too [because you know, this post isn't quite long enough yet! Oh, yeah, I have more!]. Recently, while riding a bike, I was advised by someone that the best course of action to learn how to ride a bike is to 'just not think about it.' I don't think that really works. You can't 'just not think' about something that you haven't learned yet. That's like telling a 3 year old child to 'just not think so hard' about reading, because to an adult, reading should just flow naturally. You do have to go through a certain period of thinking intensely about the activity. And chances are that period of time is really going to suck. Or at the least, is really going to challenge you. But then, it'll be just like riding a bike [score!].

Urh, I don't think I have much more to say about that. It really adds up to the small, mundane things you do every day that adds up to amazing lifetime accomplishments. Don't wake up in the morning wondering what the most stunning thing you can do. Wake up and wonder what the most mundane step towards your goal is. And then start taking it.

The rest of this post will just be more asides that this topic makes me think of. It's probably overkill, but I've got the time and the inclination, so here we go.

This topic, the art of the mundane, also makes me think about my vegetarian diet and how so many people keep commenting, "Oh, are you still a vegetarian?" To me, that question is kind of like asking me if I'm still breathing. Why wouldn't I still be a vegetarian? Until someone can show me the statistics that say not eating meat is worse for the environment, harms animals more, and is less healthy, I don't plan on changing my mind on this one. It just seems like such a no-brainer.

But so many people do relapse. Maybe they really do just love meat that much that they can't abstain from eating it. Or maybe the vegetarian diet just hasn't entered the domain of 'the mundane.' When I go about thinking of what to eat, the idea of eating meat doesn't even cross my mind. It's right up there with the option of running headlong into a car on I-95. Why would I do that again? And when you don't have to waste mental energy on making a decision every time [ie, when that activity becomes mundane], then you've really reached the point of a habit. I guess that's the definition of a habit. What do you know, maybe this whole post has been about habits and I didn't even know it. Well, that would make all of this much less interesting. Good thing you had to get this far before I realized that! ;)

And on a even more completely unrelated note, I've become fascinated by setting goals that aren't time based, but physical quantity based. For example, when running, I've found I like running a certain distance / route more than running for a certain amount of time. While reading, I'd rather read a certain number of pages rather than for a certain amount of time. When practicing from my guitar method book, I'd rather do X pages than X minutes. And most noticeably for me, when I meditate, I'd rather meditate for Y breaths rather than Y minutes.

Okay, maybe I'm just playing a game of semantics. But I feel like time is such a subjective thing, it's hard to plan around it. Writing this post felt like it took no time at all. But in reality, it took about 20 to 30 minutes. So, that would probably have scared me. But instead I set a word count goal [500 words... don't worry, we're well over 1000 now!], and here I am, at the end, pleased with the result.

This may just be a fad. Or maybe it's another one of those habits of mine that will enter the lair of mundanity. Who knows?

I hope you've enjoyed this journey into the mind of Dave. Please leave all trash at the door.

Namaste.

The Self as Guest Star

2007-05-29T01:04:00.001-04:00

The idea of the narrative of the self has been making a big comeback in psychology, apparently. Well, I don't know if I can call it a comeback; I honestly don't know if it ever left. But I've come across two article-essays in the past few days that have coincided with some thoughts I've had about the self-story, which is enough consilience for me to write about them.

When I was out for a run a few days ago [okay, that's one part of this story that I need to write more about], I had a sort of mini-epiphany, the sort that everyone has throughout the day but quickly looses as 'real' life gets in the way. We're all telling each other stories. All the time. And sometimes we tell other people stories about ourselves, to the point that we start to think those stories about ourselves ARE ourselves. I realize this isn't anything new or shocking. Just read any Buddhist text, or Stoic treatise, and you'll find this very same idea. But when you have the thought on your own, independent of a reading of those texts [haven't been on my recent reading list], it makes you take notice.

There's even one theory that the self it-self originated because of the stories we tell others about ourselves, and more importantly, about others. As social animals, it's vital to know what's going on in someone elses head. So we create a model of what that person must be like, based on certain assumptions about how they have acted in the past and how are acting now. Eventually, we start doing the same thing to our thoughts. We make our own narrative string about ourselves with Mr. Fles as the main character. And in the process, we make something out of nothing. In a way, the self is a spandrel [something that occurs not because it was intended, but because it's consequence of some other intention], a vestige of a skill we needed to live with other social organisms. I wish I could remember exactly where I read that [because God knows I didn't know up with that on my own!]. I think it had something to do with all the research about mirror that has come out in the past decade. But I digress.

Daniel Dennett, the freaking amazing philosopher who wrote Breaking the Spell, wrote a nice little piece about the self as an illusion in The Self as a Center of Narrative Gravity. He begins by explaining how the center of gravity in an object is an IDEA, not a THING. You can't point to a certain atom in an object and say 'That's where the center of gravity is.' Yes, the center of gravity is inherent in all materia, but it still has not physical locality. As Dennett explains:

This is a well-behaved concept in Newtonian physics. But a center of gravity is not an atom or a subatomic particle or any other physical item in the world. It has no mass; it has no color; it has no physical properties at all, except for spatio-temporal location. It is a fine example of what Hans Reichenbach would call an abstractum. It is a purely abstract object. It is, if you like , a theorist's fiction. It is not one of the real things in the universe in addition to the atoms. But it is a fiction that has nicely defined, well delineated and well behaved role within physics.

I hope you can see where I'm going with this. The self can be placed under the same category as an 'abstractum.' The self has no physical correlate. You can understand the complete workings of the brain and the entire nervous system, you can know all the neurochemicals, all the electrical activity, but still you cannot point out to me the location of the self. That is because the self isn't some grand unified homunculus in the body. There isn't some soul sitting behind the eyes, guiding everyone's actions. This is pretty old news. It goes back at least 2000 years to Siddhartha Gautama. And in neuroscience it's almost a cliche. The 'divided brain,' etc. And it's not just the brain that's divided: it's the self that eminates from that brain. Just read anything about Gazzaniga's split brain experiments and you'll quickly realize how little continuity there really is within the human mind. We're all just a hop, skip, and a jump away from schizophrenia.

So if it's all just a bunch of disparate parts, how the heck do we put it all together? With a story. A story that the brain tells itself in order to form some sort of coherent picture of the mind emerging from the brain so that the brain can understand the mind sufficiently to make predictions. And the best way the brain knows how to do that is to confabulate, to tell stories.

We all know we don't experience reality objectively [or at least one would hope]. No matter how much we pay attention, every experience we have will be colored by our past memories, present states, and future expectations. That's just a part of the human condition. And try as we may, we can't escape it. So basically, even if we know that the story that is our self is complete crap, there's really nothing we can do about it. I don't know if it's really possible to live without a narrative thread [I know I live with one right now, in fact, I've just started a new 'chapter' known as the summer after my freshman year of college {boring title, I know. But I'm working on it!}]. In which case, the only real option is to choose an empowering narrative and live it to the fullest. Realizing that it's just as real as Santa Claus, God, and the Easter Bunny. So be a warrior, a bum, or a victim. Though the last two may not be optimal for living a fulfilling life.

Funny how it ends up that way. Comforting though to realize that there's no point in trying too hard to follow a certain plot.

And on a random note, want to be absolutely certain that you'll never die? Just keep asking yourself, 'Am I dead now?' The answer will never be no!

If you want some more coherent / interesting readings on the self as narrative, check out this NY Times article on narrative psychology. This stuff is picking up some major steam in the mind community.

The Webs We Weave - An Old Story Realized Anew

2007-05-19T22:57:00.000-04:00

Hm. Well. I don't know where to begin exactly. I haven't written anything in a while [make that blog cliché count number 1 billion]. But I feel the urge to write right now, so I guess I will.

I have a lot of things to talk about. And I could talk about them all at once [that is, after all, how they appear in my consciousness. I mean, I sometimes wish that my mind would just nicely segregate all my thoughts into different compartments, so that maybe I could focus on the task at hand. But it seems more like the mind works through montage and mixture. Which, to be honest, makes for a much more interesting time than any other solution].

So I'm sitting here cross-legged on a towel, typing on a labtop on a futon [not to be confused with a zabuton, nor to be confused with a zafu, which I would really like to get but don't currently have the money for because of a lack of a job [the lack of which I can thank to minimal effort on my part and maximal ignoring on the part of those that I would like to employ me]]. Typing words that will eventually be read [though it won't seem as if it's an eventuality to you, it'll just seem like something that's happening] by you.

So, here are some of the thoughts on my mind right now. I've been listening to a lot of Tool, APC [A Perfect Circle], and NIN [Nine Inch Nails]. In fact, I've discovered the wonder of mix tapes [where mix tapes, in our time, means coming up with different playlists]. I've even come up with one titled "Fight the Man." I'll give you a partial song list just in case you're interested [or interesting, in which case I wonder if you've already left]. Counting Bodies Like Sheep, Judith, and Pet by APC, The Hand that Feeds, Only, and Right Where It Belongs by NIN, and Opiate by Tool. A fun list of songs, if I ever saw one. I highly advise listening to them all together. They'll give you a giant dose of identity crisis and social consciensce shock, all in one listen. A good time had by all.

And listening to them, I have had a slight case of identity shock. Though I can't thank the songs for all of that [I do love music, but I don't put THAT much faith into it!]. A lot of it has to do with being in Chi again. As you may recall from my post about the greatness of being back in Chi here. Not suprisingly, this doesn't come without some drawbacks. Well, I wouldn't call them drawbacks, per se. Just sort of, I don't know, intrigues. Yes, that's a better word. One you don't hear nearly enough these days.

Let me explain. Now, if we weren't social animals [which I only wish about 10 tens every day, the other times I marvel at our sociability], then the social webs that we weave wouldn't really matter too much. One could go about ones day without thinking about anyone else, and more importantly, without thinking about what the other person is thinking. And even more importantly, without wondering about what the other person is thinking while you're not even in the vicinity of the other person. Makes your head hurt, doesn't it? Some scientists claim it's this sort of thing that caused our heads to swell to giant proportions. Don't diss gossip. It lead to the atomic bomb.

Anyway, being back in Chi leads to all those webs recrystallizing right in front of my eyes. And it's kind of scary. Because half of them I thought were severed. The other half I didn't even know existed. And the OTHER half [wait, does 3/2 = 1?] I seem to find missing. And yet they're all here or not here, without me making any effort.

And then I listen to my music about how the self is an illusion, and I realize it's true. And I feel free from the web that I have spun MYSELF, if only for a moment. I feel as if I could start anew. Just firebomb the heck out of all those webs and start over again, more consciously. Because let's be honest, half of those webs weren't woven by me. And the other half...

But the trick is that I don't have all that much control over the webs that other people have. Because even if I firebomb MY webs, the webs of other people are still quite sticky. And there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has this really beautiful, colorful, multiphonic world going on inside their heads. Every person has their own webs, their own timelines. I can only see mine, I can only control mine, but that doesn't mean the other ones aren't there.

And it's moments like that where I wish I could build a time machine. Or just step out of time. Or maybe grow a pair of cajones and do something about all of this. Where I feel like shedding this skin and remaking a new identity. One that doesn't worry too much about this, and worries a little more about that. One who, well, is me. But better.

Yeah, this may sound all sorts of convaluted and sad. But it actually gives me some sort of game plan for this summer. Because, to quote John Mayer, 'I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie you've got to rise above' [more on him in a later post]. I realized that really, life doesn't start later. It starts right now. The curtain isn't going to magically rise. It already has, on the day the mind first started drafting this particular drama.

Amazing stuff. Yet nothing new. Nothing is ever really new. New things only happen once every billion years. Everything else is just a reworking.

Here's to the reworking of this montage!

Namaste.

Home of Consciousness

2007-05-13T22:37:00.001-04:00

I have to tell you, home is an amazing place. Amazing at bringing you back to where you were. To the point that you feel like you never left. But yet you don't seem to remember ever being here.

The cliches never end: You never return home. Home is where the heart is. You can take the home out of the boy but not the boy out of the home. So sure, I got most of those horribly wrong. But what can you do, right? I mean, horribly wrong is okay now. I'm home.

Add to that the summer, and this feeling couldn't get any ODDER. I mean, this is me, back at Chi. At my old crib. At my old desk. Thinking old thoughts. Going through old memories. This is almost priceless.

I don't know if I could bottle this feeling. I wonder if I could bottle this feeling. And sell it to those that are homesick. Because the homesickness is half worth the pain just to have this feeling. This feeling of being home. Among familiar faces. Among familiar friends. Among familiar places.

I read recently that primates are some of the only animals that willingly leave their home clan to move out and explore the world. Wolves don't do it. Parrots don't do it. I don't even think that dolphins do it. But we do. And maybe we're wrong on this one.

Sure, we can't grow without leaving home base. We stand no hope of moving beyond our limited thought of ourself. But there's just something so comforting about this place. Home

The nostalgia will probably lift.

Until then, thank you.

Namaste.

Hu-f'in-Zah!!!

2007-05-03T15:11:00.001-04:00

Well, it's a little less than an hour until 4, and I'm already done all my [important] finals. How does it feel, you ask? Amazing! Like, I can't even begin to describe it. Sure, the adrenaline rush will pass in a few hours and I'll pass back into my everyday stuppor [now with MUCH less studying]. But for now I think I'll just bathe in this state of consciousness for a little bit. Aaaah.

I had my Discrete Math and O Chem finals today, and both were a lot easier than I thought they would / should be. I'm not going to complain though. I got out of both with an hour to spare, which isn't something that I normally manage. Assuming I didn't suck [which really isn't too big an assumption using the method of induction], I should be getting low to mid A's on both tests.

Ironically, though not too surprisingly, I think that my grade is going to be hurt most by my two lab classes this semester. I'll probably get some sort of a B in both of them. I'm hoping for an A in all my other classes. Who ever said that a scientist had to be practical... Oh, wait. Yeah... Never mind.

All I have left is funtastic fun time Cell Bio. And you know what they say about bio. Um, well, hm. It's not Chem?

I hope everyone has a beautifultastic day today. I'm going to be on celebrate mode for the next 48 hours!

Huzzah!

Namaste.

Brain Dump [Almost done freshman year]

2007-05-02T21:13:00.001-04:00

Time for a mind dump. Literally, a giant dump of my mind onto this page. And this page eventually shifting to this blog. And this blog shifting to your eyes, your neurons, and eventually your brain.

Okay, nevermind. I don't want to go that stream of consciousness. I'm just not feeling that right now. But I do feel like freezing this moment in time. For no really good reason. This moment won't ultimately matter too much in the future. It won't matter that much in 24 hours when I'm [insert illegal state {of being} that I won't actually be in]. But maybe that's a good enough reason to write this. To remind myself not to take myself so seriously. Because God knows I could use a hearing of that every once in a while!

Anyway. I'm stressing because I have a Chem final and a Math final. Like usual, I'm more worried about the math final. It's not a 'math' math final. Nah, Discrete isn't like that. It's all about thinking and creativity. Something I'm not 100% good at in mathematics. Chemistry, sure. Writing, probably. Life in general, some of the time. In mathematics, well, er, nah. But luckily I have most of the material verbatim in my mind, so I don't have to be too creative. Unfortunately, I can't just spit out a formula. It doesn't work like that. But we'll see how it goes. Plus, it's ultimately only 20% of my final grade, so I can bomb it and still end up doing quite well. But let's just hope I don't bomb!

Then Chem. Right after Math. 3 hours each. Wham, bam, thank you, Registrar! Not really too worried about that one. For two main reasons (1) I've done well in the class the entire year, so for me to freak out on the final wouldn't really make any sort of sense (2) the final will most likely be curved [apparently it's one of the hardest subjects a lot of people take. I wouldn't say it's hard, just different. Once you get the difference, it's just a matter of a lot of memorization], so I don't have to do well, I just have to do better than everyone else. A horrible mentality to have, sure, but it's the truth. And the truth shall set you free.

So, that's it. I should be getting to bed soon. But I feel like there's so much more I should be studying. But maybe I already have all the info in my head. There's no scientific evidence proving that we can actually forget something: just that we can't always recall it on demand. So, here's to recalling on demand.

Oh, and in response to Brian's comment [hi Brian! I hope you're doing well! You're a lucky man for getting of that 'hell hole' early!], I wanted to clarify something about my Facebook habits. When I said that I spend 'the rest of the time' on Facebook, I didn't mean that literally. I'm not a Facebook addict that spends my every waking hour looking at people's profiles [nothing wrong with that either... different strokes for different folks!]. I go on there maybe 4 times a day to check status updates. But Brian's inspired me to cut back on that too. I shouldn't be so busy seeing how other people are living to miss out on living my own life. That just doesn't make too much sense!

Well, I should get back to studying now. Time to make sure that the Chem is still fresh in my overly swollen head [of hot air?].

Namaste!

Greatness: An Anachronism?

2007-04-25T21:01:00.000-04:00

Technology. It's an amazing thing. No doubt about that. The fact that I can write this now, push a little 'post this' button, and then have this fed to you in little over a few seconds is a pretty amazing thing.

The fact that people across the world can tell what their polar neighbor is up to, via satellite image, is pretty cool.

And having all the information of the world [or at least 99.99% of it] at my fingertips, that's pretty nice.

But let me get a little Ludditic on you. I know, step back. Dave's going to say something NEGATIVE about technology? How could this be possible! Say it ain't so!?!?!?!

I've just been thinking: does all this greatness of the connection mean that greatness in individuals isn't in the vogue anymore? Is individual greatness, quite literally, an anachronism?

When I say this, I mean this mainly in regards to myself. In regards to the life I'm living right now. I consume information like, well, a fat kid eats candy. A good two hours of my day must be spend, on average, reading some sort of RSS feed of people like me [well, they tend to be a heck of a lot better than me....] ranting about life, living, science, Buddhism, religion, philosophy, technology, penises, etc. I get that nice full feeling. But then I realize that at the end of day, I haven't learned anything. Okay, well, I've learned plenty of things. But I don't know anything new.

And the rest of the day I spend looking at e-mail, wondering if maybe, just maybe, someone's left a new comment on my blog, or a new Facebook wall post, or any other vicarious form of communication which I'm sad to admit I look forward to maybe a little too much. E-mail has all the elements necessary for addiction (intermittent reward, daily necessity [because in honesty, sometimes you really DO need to check your e-mail], social tolerance, etc.)

The moments in between I might write a decent blog post, like [hopefully] this one. I might read a really good book. I might listen to some music. And I might go out for a nice walk / run / other outing.

All and all, a fulfilling life. But I think that might be the problem. It's a fulFILLing life. Not a FULL life. Not something worth talking about. But does life have to be something mentionable? Isn't that just for movie stars and pro athletes?

It makes me think of the show House. Gregory House is an amazing Doctor. And yet he spends a good part of his day watching Soap Operas or other miscellaneous shows. But he's earned that 'crap' time because he spends the rest of hist time making brilliant life / death decisions.

Maybe that's my problem. I haven't earned the crap time yet. I assume that crap time comes with the territory [with being an adult, white, middle-class male in a capitalist, well-off country]. When on the contrary I should get those things as a reward.

I shouldn't award myself for mediocrity. That just doesn't make sense.

But yet I think I'll just fall back into mediocrity again. I don't know how many times I will fall for this trap. Probably until I wake up one morning and realize that 'tomorrow' never came, but old age did.

Damn. Memento mori.

But how, in our digitized, antiseptic, antitruth society?

A Sunday Experiment, A Modal Rollercoaster

2007-04-23T19:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I haven't written anything in a while. You know, busy-ness and all that jazz.

And I'm feeling in the mood to write something of some sort of philosophical value. Maybe. I don't really know yet. We'll have to see where this goes.

But first, let me talk briefly about a little experiment I did this weekend. Well, I didn't really plan out the experiment. It just kind of happened. I don't know if counts as an experiment then, but I'll just say that it does! Yeah, that's right, I'm a science major!

Anyway, to the experiment. I had a busy week last week. A lot of tests and such [which I'm glad to say ended up with me outrunning those that couldn't outrun the bear]. A lot of studying. More or less non-stop studying. I know, just imagine. Who does that at SCHOOL?!?!? But I went all Old School "only reading [my] AP textbook" on those tests.

When I got to Friday, I decided I wouldn't do ANYTHING productive that weekend. I mean NOTHING. No homework, no exercise, no writing, no thinking. A little reading, but that was mostly leisure stuff [you know, like the history of chemistry], not really counting towards progress.

Let me tell you, when I got to Sunday night, I felt like CRAP. With a capital K. Throughout the afternoon on Sunday, I went through mini-bouts of depression [by depression here, I mean I just felt like complete crap, didn't feel like doing anything, just wanted to sleep, didn't really see the point in anything, that sort of stuff]. Eventually, when I got to about 11 that night, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went out for a nice little run [oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that as part of this experiment, I didn't eat anything of any health-redeeming value other than two oranges]. I felt like crap during the run, with lots of little mini , um, burps? But I got through the run, and towards the end I felt great. If I can run with nothing in my stomach but simple sugars and chocolate, then damn can I run when I'm fueled by fruits and veggies!

By the time I got back to my dorm that night, I was back to my normal productive [productive in the sense of doing school work and reading for entertainment / infotainment]. The crappy mood lifted. I felt like a million bucks.

And here I am, Monday evening, wondering what that little experiment tells me? What have I really learned? What do the data points [the depression, the mood swings, the feeling of physical sickness, the headaches, the lethargy, etc.] say?

Well, first off, they tell me to have a new respect for people that choose to live that way. Whether or not they actually 'choice' to live that way being another question entirely. But I can't imagine waking up every single day and living a life like that. I suppose that the person eventually becomes numb to the emptiness since they don't realize that there's something "other" that they could be feeling. But I mean, God, that would be horrible.

I mean, I don't believe in some ultimate purpose to life. Something out there that determines what our lives should be like. But I do know that living a life like that, without any sort of meaning, is not the way to go. If we have to make our own meaning, I would highly advise NOT choosing the path of lazy nihilism. Not a fun choice.

And I guess ultimately it shows me that I still have this "doer" attitude. This belief that if I'm not doing something [useful], my life is being wasted. Okay, yeah, normal people call that sort of person anal retentive. Or OCD. Or a Type A personality. But it works for me.

And when you think about it, everyone is trying to do something all the time to fill the hole in their soul [ho, hum, he... what a great alliteration...]. To get somewhere. Even the ultimate non-doers, mystics, go out of their way to get to the point that they will actually and literally get out of their own way.

Most people just take the path towards optimal pleasure. I learned this Sunday that pleasure doesn't cut it.

Nothing really new here. But it never hurts to remind myself.

Start Where You Are

2007-03-24T16:17:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to live more and more by the axiom of 'start where you are.' I guess this comes as a direct result of my earlier post on the "I could totally be great at that" effect. The antidote to that sort of thinking is to start where you are.

Add to that some humility. Because when you start where you are, you're going to realize how far you have to go to get where you're going. But that's okay. Because if where you're going is someplace worth the trip, then the journey itself should be enjoyable.

Okay, so maybe this isn't the most ground-breaking idea to hit the blogosphere in the last year. But for me, it's revolutionary [for now at least, until my mind picks something else revolutionary and decides to put this idea in the ~~trash can~~ recycling bin].

Let me give you an example. Over the past year, I've been running on and off. I hit my peak in about October, when I could easily run for an hour and half [okay, maybe not easily] and had a PR of 36 minutes for my 8k time. Flash forward five months: now I can barely run for more than 30 minutes on a treadmill at a 8 min/mile pace, and god forbid you asked me to run for an hour. Quite the striking difference.

I've been letting that difference get in the way of getting back on the horse. If I used to be that good [which, admittedly, in the running world is pretty mediocre], what's the point of even running now?

The point of running is running. Whether I can only run for a minute or for an hour. So, starting yesterday, I decided I would run every day for the next month for 30 minutes. And by that, I mean I'll set the timer on my watch for 30 minute, and then head to the track. I'll run until I feel like walking. I'll time how long I run for. And then each time, I'll try and run for a longer period of time. When I reach the point of running for 30 minutes straight, I'll up the time by five minutes. When I can run for an hour straight [hopefully at that point I'll be running on the trail], I'll start phasing in interval workouts. And then slowly, minute of running by minute of running, I'll get back to where I was five months ago. And then go beyond it.

It helps to know that XC season is only five months away. It took me five months to drop from my peak. It should take me less time to get to that ridge. Only, of course, to realize that there's so much more up left to go. And when I reach that point, I'll be able to slowly improve my time.

In that sense, running really is a pretty decent metaphor for life [okay, just about everything is a good metaphor for life, but give me some poetic license]. You just have to keep showing up. It doesn't especially matter what you turn out. The individual efforts don't matter [sounds reminiscent of evolution -- individuals don't evolve, species do!]. It's the slow arc over time that does.

That applies to all activities. I just happen to need it the most in running. I look forward to freely running through Chi in two months. Totally relaxed. With free breathing.

I can smell the Marcus Hook air already. ;)

A [Non-Poetic] Ode to Chemistry -or- How I came to love Organic

2007-03-24T15:57:00.000-04:00

I'm a chemistry major. Therefore, I should like all things chemically related, right? Well, I came to find out that at the beginning of this semester, I really didn't "like" organic chemistry ['o chem' for short]. It didn't help that the semester started off going over stuff I'd already learned so well in high school [I mean, who CAN'T name organics after having Mr. Orlando?]. So, I didn't really notice when the transition to new material happened. So I made the mistake of assuming I knew everything, and got my ass handed to me on the first test. The funniest part is, the section of the test I did the worst on involved math [relative reactivities, to be more precise].

I decided that no matter what, I would do better on the second test [we only have three tests and a final, so I figured that if I wanted to eek out {note: yeah, I'm being a little melodramatic to add some pizzaz} an A, I might want to do better than an A- on the easiest test]. So, I studied my ass off, more so than I probably have for any other test since, well, ever. I really overstudied, but that's not anything to complain about.

The test covered stereochemistry [basically, how molecules are oriented in 3D space. Think of molecular models, but on crack], substitution reactions [where you pull off one atom/molecule and put on another], elimination reactions [like the name suggests, you eliminate a molecule/atom and put a double bond in its place], and alkenes [you don't really need me to explain that one, do you?]. Stereochemistry was probably the hardest, but most rewarding, part of the material. I flat out have not built the skill set to visualize models in my mind. But with a great deal of practice and a few 2D tricks, I managed to pull it off. Substitution and elimination reactions just require the learning of a few basic rules [like what makes a good reactant, leaving group, etc.] based on a few simple theories [electronegativity, resonance stabilization, etc.]. All of this just requires practice, practice, practice.

And here's where the interesting part comes in [you've been waiting for that, haven't you?]. I started to LIKE organic after this test. All the different reactions, the ways of writing out three dimensional molecules, all of it, started to seem like this fun little game that you can play. The lingo of Organic Chemists [like 'attack the backside'] started to sound not only funny, but more importantly FASCINATING.

The transformation in interest happened when I realized that I shouldn't treat o chem like general chemistry [gen chem]. Gen chem is a lot of math [stoichiometry, gas laws, thermodynamics, electrochemistry, etc.] wrapped around a few simple theories. O chem is a few simple theories wrapped around a whole lot of practical applications. One isn't the other. And they shouldn't have to be.

Chemistry really does come in so many different flavors: there's Physical Chemistry [p chem] for the mathematically inclined, o chem for the geometer / synthesizer, inorganic chemistry [no nifty abbreviations for that one that I know of] for the, well, someone that likes metals a lot, analytical chemistry for those that like fiddling with instruments, and bio chemistry for those interested in how life works. And they all combine into this beautiful whole known as 'chemistry'. There's room for just about everyone in the field. It's sad that you don't find out about all the OTHER types of chemistry until it's really too late. 'I don't get what this mole thing is... Man, chemistry must just not be for me... In fact, since I don't get it, I HATE it. Yeah, that's right, I hate chemistry, it's so stupid!' What a strange progression from 'I don't quite understand this' to 'I despise this! It's stupid!'

True, this variety in all the sciences. I love physics for it's mathematics, but I'm sure there's plenty of room for non-math in it. Biology, well, I don't know if I could ever do something with that. Plants are cool, but I don't want to know about the plasmodesmata or the sclerenchyma and collenchyma. Unless, of course, you're letting me know how they work on a molecular level. Like viagra and NO synthetase. Now that's cool stuff.

Maybe it's just a matter of different strokes for different folks. I like the basics. The fundamentals. The little things that make life work. Go back to energy, work your way to matter, and soon enough you'll come to us. That's just cool.

And now I'm going to leave the original point of this post [discussing how o chem really is math] for a different post.

I hope you enjoyed this Ode to Chemistry. Maybe I'm rationalizing now that I've picked my major. But isn't that what most of life is? Rationalizing to reassure ourselves that we made the right decisions in an uncertain world.

Thank God we're so good at it.

When thoughts get in the way of reality... And why perfectionism never cuts it...

2007-03-05T18:37:00.001-05:00

It's so easy to say, "I'd be great at X if I only did it." In fact, it's probably one of the easiest things in the world to say. And yet it must be one of THE most disempowering phrases ever to leave the lips of a human being. And yet, I know at least of myself, it's one of the most commonly uttered [usually mentally].

A close relative to this phrase is its twin, "I'd be great at X if I only had the TIME to do it!" I'd say this is probably just about the second most uttered phrase I use. Coupled with ideas about having more energy, more money, more materials, etc. But TIME, that's one thing that I can get more of.

Something that I in fact have more of now. And surprisingly, I haven't gotten much further along than I had previous to having all this time. I have all the time in the world. 24 hours. From dawn until dusk. Nothing scheduled. Nothing I 'have' to do. No obligations to anything or anyone. And yet why don't I get all those things done [and not only done, but done well] that I otherwise would have gotten done had I just had the TIME?

Funny how that works. All I want is time until I have it. And then I waste it away. I've wasted a good part of this break [exaggeration alert: I've only had three days of break so far, and saying I've wasted them means that I've gone through them doing things that I want to do but feeling more or less like crap]. I haven't gotten any of the things done that I know for certain I could get done, if I only had the time.

Things like get back into exercise. Well, I didn't have time last week to exercise. If I had only had the time, I would have done it! But now I do have the time. And the extent of my exercise over the past three days has been a set of squats and push-ups.

Or meditation: I fell off the cushion a bit last week, with all the late nights and early mornings. But with time, certainly I could find a way to meditate. I meditated last night. That's it. I didn't meditate this morning. I haven't meditated any of the times that I might otherwise have.

The list obviously goes on and on. Little things and big things. I have an interesting vCast idea. I didn't have the time to do it today. Besides, I know that if I do it, it will be amazing.

But no, I know that if I do it, the vCast won't turn out anywhere near as well as it did in my head. In my dreams. In fact, the difference between the two will be the difference between night and day. And that's actually why I don't do it. That's actually why I don't do any of the things that I might otherwise do if I just "had more time." I don't need more time, I need to accept that success is 95% failure.

That's the link between all the "if only's" I've listed so far. I'm afraid to admit that I'm not exactly in very good shape. So, if I just keep putting that off until I have the time, I'll never have the proof that I'm not in good physical shape. And if I don't have the proof, who can prove me wrong? I KNOW that I could do a great job on all the homework I have to do this break. But maybe it'll take longer than I'd like. And maybe I'll have to put a bit more work into it than I'd like. But I won't have to admit that until I actually start the work. Until then, I can live in my fantasy land where all homework is easy and I get it done without any sort of sweat.

It seems to me that procrastination [the bane of every college students existence] is just this little thought of, "Oh, how well I would do that, if I only did it!" writ large. Of course you could do it well if you only did it. You wouldn't be in college otherwise. But that doesn't mean you don't have to DO IT! Until we reach the point that thoughts manifest directly into reality, you still have to do The Work.

I'm afraid, then. I'm afraid that this break stands to be a giant continuation of this trend of not accepting reality. Not daring to face reality out of fear that I'll come up short. Of course I'll come up short! If I didn't, then I must have lost my ability to dream. If I constantly show up to reality the way I imagine I should, then I most certainly need to improve upon my vision. Because vision matching reality is mediocrity.

But that has yet to happen. I have yet gotten to the point that I can manifest everything in action that I think of in my mind. And that's a blessing. It's what gets me up in the morning. The hope of progress. So I shouldn't let the false progress of my dreams impede the real progress of my actions. Because our thoughts may in fact make our reality, but not without actions.

The haze has lifted. A bit. More than it usually does. It normally takes me until about a week before the break is done to figure all this stuff out. Over. And over. And over again. Not that much time with only a week of break at hand!

May everyone come to realize that fighting with reality, just because the reality in our head is SO MUCH BETTER, is a losing battle. And that the only way to win is to come to accept reality as it is. Quite real.

Misc. Thoughts on Anatta from January 14th

2007-02-22T07:40:00.001-05:00

No wonder philosophy never comes to an end. Every single hunk-o-meat must face its own non-existence. Over and over again. Ad-infinitum.

Talk about the never-ending story

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The future is limitless, and so are "you." Ha, because you don't exist. Never have. Never will. Just a momentary whirlpool in the ocean of consciousness. In the waves of existence. In all of this. Just that. Nothing less. Nothing more.

But why can't I just let go? Would it be so hard? Probably. Not. But why try? Don't cry! Just die.

Realization: School's for Learning

2007-02-13T11:40:00.001-05:00

This may sound kind of strange. But I just realized that I’m at school to learn. Not to get a degree. Not to get good grades. But to learn.

Woah, right?! I mean, that makes all the difference in the world. It makes my “point” more clear: my point is to learn as much as I can from classes I take while here.

I tend to just go into class, “get” the bare minimum to ace the test, and then move on. Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am!

That’s kind of dumb. No, actually, that’s really dumb.

I pride myself in minimizing the time I spend on college-work. How does that makes sense? I’m spending tons of money to be here. And I’m trying my hardest not to get the most out of it. I’m purposefully going out of my way NOT to.

And then I sit around wondering why I feel like I should be doing more SOMETHING. I’ll tell you what you should be doing more of! School work!

Man, I feel almost silly just realizing this now. I don’t know if I thought I was somehow too “good” for college or something like that. Yes, I could pass the tests without trying to master the material. But then I’ll find myself with a Bachelor’s Degree in [literally] BS. With the same ability to get a cursory understanding of things that I had before college. But having not mastered those concepts.

I’m here, and I should make the most of it. And the most of it is mastery of the material.

Click.

That’s the light bulb on my head switching on. A compact fluorescent light bulb, mind you!

Thanks to a mildly stimulating Cell Bio class for getting this thought dislodged from my head. ‘What the hell do I need to know about neurons? Oh, wait, hm? I’m here to LEARN, aren’t I. Oh, yeah!’ Neuron fires. And I know how.

Heroin/e?

2007-02-10T12:08:00.001-05:00

Have you ever noticed that the words "heroine" and "heroin" have the same root? Kind of funny, really. Because both can be so addictive.

The word heroine comes from the feminine variation of the Greek word "heros," meaning hero. A female hero.

The word heroin comes from the German "heroin," a variation on the Greek word "heros." It refers to the state of invincibility that a person feels while on heroin.

Two words. One root. The same problem of addiction.

Strange. Wonderful. True.

Living Life on Purpose -- Sort of...

2007-02-08T23:19:00.001-05:00

[Editor’s Note: This is a largely autobiographical trip through my life this past week. I don’t know if it will really be of use to anyone but me. But I hope you can find something of value in it. Because I’m sure we’ve all felt like I felt this week at least once in our lives. If not far too many more times.]

Man, today was a roller-coaster of a day. No doubt about it. It had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows of this week. And I must say, I don’t think I liked very much of either.

The funny thing is that all of these “high highs” and “low lows” happened solely in my head. They didn’t have anything much at all to do with my objective circumstances. But that more than not tends to be the case with me. Of course, I have had those moments where my circumstances dictated directly my emotions, but more and more as of late that hasn’t been the case.

Anyway, I suppose I’ll share with you the meaning of my lowest lows, and some thoughts that have managed to get me out of the gutter [again].

You might have read about my existential angst. Well, I guess that might be a little too powerful a term for what I was feeling. Let me put it this way: at the moments when I didn’t have anything to do this week, I felt like complete crap. As in, assuming I’m a work-a-holic, I felt like I’d just gone cold turkey. The worst part was that I neither forced myself to do something productive nor did I just sit there for a moment, take a deep breath, and relax and realize that I was creating the entire drama of my life. No, instead I just continued to flit about doing unproductive things, the entire time thinking about how unproductive I was being. Ugh. Talk about a recipe for disaster!

And I suppose there’s a little bit more to this than I let show in the last paragraph. Why DO I feel like such crap when I’m not doing anything? Tons of reasons, but the main one is pretty simple: a complete lack of self-esteem. Which seems pretty silly coming from someone that seems so hell bent on the idea that he doesn’t have a self. :) But you’ll just have to stick with me on this one. Here we go….

So, when all you do all day is read about the greatest minds in the world, watch movies about the best engineers, scientists, artists, etc, listen to podcasts about the brightest men and women in the field of computing, you very quickly start to think to yourself, “Well, shit, what am I doing?” And the first thought that flits into my already [at this point] fallow mind is, “NOTHING.”

Let me repeat that. NOTHING. That’s a pretty scary thought to have if all you ever focus on is how much you want to make it big in the world, how much you want to make a difference. If the first thought that comes to mind when you think about where you’re life is going is nowhere, then shit, forget about it. That’s a one stop ticket to depression-ville.

And sure, I could get myself to step back and say, “Well, hold on one minute, you’re not doing NOTHING. You’re attending college, getting good grades, reading, writing, learning, and experimenting with who you are and what you believe. Add to that any of the misc. activities you do throughout the day, and you’re actually doing SOMEthing, not NOthing!” But then the downer part my brain say, “Dude, yeah, that’s cool. But, uh, when’s the last time your writing got you a prize? And when’s the last time your reading made you learn something that completely changed your life? If you’re in it for the greatness, you’re doing a shitty job!” Shot down again.

And that’s about where I found myself today. This morning, I managed to cheer myself up with the promise that I should set a bunch of short term objectives for myself. Like getting up at 06:30 every day, or making sure I get some form of exercise in every day. That worked for a little while, until the little goals started to just seem, well, little again. And the fact is, I’m afraid to ask about the big goals because I don’t think I have an answer. Sure, I have the vague, “I wanna be a nanobiotechnologist!” But half the time I don’t even know if I really believe that’s true. I don’t know if this whole science thing is really cut out for me. With all the labs and hands-on stuff, I practically shit my pants every lab. And frankly, I don’t know if I’m smart enough [make that creative enough]. Talk about worrying too much about the destination! Yeah, I read “personal development” / religious / psychology texts. But clearly I hadn’t soaked any of it up yet.

So, I drifted through today wondering how the hell to fix the problem. Mostly, I tried my normal “opiates” like surfing the web, writing random stream-of-consciousness journals, and watching the Daily Show. All of those didn’t take the edge off. Most of the time, they just made things worse. I ended up with a headache and a major case of the blues.

But then I kept stumbling around in the dark, and as with all things, I eventually stubbed my toe. I flitted the idea of just filling my day with pleasurable and enjoyable things [there is a distinction that I might get into later]. Just not worrying so much about where I’m going and focusing more on the now, on just making this moment more enjoyable. And that started to get the joyful juices flowing. And then, in my continued fall to the ground, I stumbled on an article called Purposive Drift: Making It Up as We Go Along by Richard Oliver. And that’s when I realized that’s what I wanted to do. Stop trying to figure out where I’m going to be ten years from now, let alone ten days from now. Life’s too random for that.

What I can do, though, is figure out how I want to live, if not WHAT I want to live. To figure out the purpose and then let the rest of life flow from that. When speaking of a successful high tech company, Oliver explained:

However, there was a common thread that ran through its history. A core value, something that was crucial to the company's sense of well-being, was that its people liked working on hard computing problems. Its history could be described as a constant scanning of their context to find niches where they could satisfy this value and remain profitable. As their context changed, they changed, but retained the key values that gave them their sense of identity.

But, there was something else going on as well. As they moved through their trajectory from niche to niche, they were also building up their repertoire of competencies—the things they could do. Their developing repertoire of competencies not only meant that they could do more things; it also gave them the ability to see new opportunities as they arose. For example, the rise of the internet and the growth of the World Wide Web, which for many similar companies posed a serious threat, was a change of context that they accommodated with relative ease.

That’s the best I can do. To keep doing what I love, namely learning. And realize that the learning isn’t a waste of time. No matter what it is that I’m learning, I’m exercising the learning muscle itself, which will make any learning in the future easier.

This all weaves together a pretty powerful tapestry of how to live ones life. Something to the effect of, “Go with the flow, but make sure you’re in the right river!” I like that kind of thinking. And it makes my headache and bad feelings go away. And if there’s one thing that we can [and should trust] to tell us if what we’re doing is really right for us, it’s our feelings.

If you feel like shit, change what you’re doing. Otherwise, you’re insane.

I don’t want to be insane anymore.

Namaste.

PS - This is clearly a pretty rudimentary life philosophy that could definitely use a lot more unpacking. But most of my ideas tend to come like that. Especially when they’re not 100% my own. Sadly, in most cases, they end up like the boxes used during a big move: stashed in the corner and left unopen. Lets hope not this time.

Yee Haa!

2007-02-03T14:14:00.001-05:00

Yay, I fixed my old posts! Thank [¿¿¿] for that! They were so hard to read like that. And if I ever wanted to look back on my writing, it would have been totally hard. Because, yes, I do like paragraphs.

One bullet dodged! Where's the next?

Technorati Tags: misc.

I'm Back!!!

2007-02-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

But shhhhhh!

I can't let those crazies at that PLACE know I'm back. Then they'll get on here and try to figure out what I'm DOING! Maybe this is a conspiracy to overthrow the oligarchy over THERE. It's about that time of the year AGAIN!

Or maybe I'm just going to lay down my roots and get to ruminatin' again! It's been too long.

Hm, sounds like a good front!

:)

And for old times sake:

Namaste.

Huzzah!

Check Out My New (Improved) Blog

2006-08-11T15:14:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. I'm moving my blog over to Wordpress. Why? Because they're just so much more Web 2.0! Like, totally.

And because I need to shake things up if I hope to continue providing you with interesting and thoughtful commentary.

So head over to nomrad.wordpress.com. Yeah, nomrad is Darmon backwards. Aren't I so witty? :)

I'll see you over there.

Namaste.

Sweet Charity

2006-08-10T13:29:00.000-04:00

If anyone's looking for something to do with their evening today, Friday, and Saturday at 8 PM, I highly advise going to see Sweet Charity at the Neumann Life Center. The show's definitely a laugh (though probably only for one time... some of the jokes get old fast) and the acting/singing is excellent.

Though, checking the prices, it's $12 for general admission and $8 for admission with college ID. Yikes. Though I imagine they'll let you in for the eight bucks if you just say student. Still rather pricey.

And thus I complete my obligation to advertise for Center Stage Productions. What can I say, they pay well.

Namaste.

2006-08-10T08:50:00.000-04:00

Kissing Hank's Ass

This is funny. Very funny. A look at organized religion from a slightly different perspective than it normally affords. Think of this as shifting your point of view a degree or two and seeing a completely different thing. As if your head has been in a vice up until now.

Then again, I don't think any of the people who read this are fundies, but it's still fun to laugh at others' misfortunes. Muahahaha.

PS - That last part was a joke.

Dear God by XTC

2006-08-08T00:45:00.000-04:00

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they don't get enough to eat

From god,
I can't believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Dont know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it ain't and so do you,
Dear god,
I cant believe in,
I don't believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You're always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebody's unholy hoax,
And if you're up there you'll perceive,
That my hearts here upon my sleeve.
If there's one thing I don't believe in...

It's you,
Dear god.

Just because I figure you could use one more quotation / song lyric. :)

Free Scientific American Magazines

2006-08-02T14:07:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. If any readers would like my Sci Am magazines from about September of 2004 to January 2005, just send me an e-mail or leave me a comment.

I'm trying to clear out my room some, and I don't think I'll ever read these magazines again. And to be honest, I find them a bit dry for my taste. Too science-y, if there can be such a thing.

If no one's interested, it's all good. I'll make sure to recycle them so they can return from whence they came.

Thanks.

Namaste.

Quotation

2006-08-02T13:29:00.000-04:00

Look up at the surroundings around you. Look at your furniture, computer monitor, room coloring and even the clothes you are wearing. Now answer this simple question. Is this the surroundings of the person who has already achieved my goal.
- Scott Young

Quotation

2006-08-01T02:02:00.000-04:00

You'll find that by continually placing your focus on the breath and the sensations of the body, the mind will go about the business of downloading everything it is not immediately concerned with, so don't try to stop the mind from thinking. The mind thinks, that's what a mind does, so don't ever expect to be totally without thoughts. As long as you avoid involvement in what your thoughts are saying, they will become less intense, and eventually change into meaningless static at the back of your mind.

- From Happiness to Burn by Roger Wells

A great free book about meditation with an EXTREMELY Western slant. I love all the scientific explanation of why meditation really works. Check it out. What do you have to lose other than your Self? :)

I Still Live

2006-07-31T22:56:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't know why. I guess I just haven't been up to it. I've been busy movie making (either SO or real movie), contemplating how much I like to bitch about life (if I only had my room back... blah blah blah), and just generally putzing around, realizing I have less than three weeks until college starts.

Man, what a sorry excuse for a human being. I don't mean that in an emo way either. I mean, honestly, I need to get up off my ass and get cracking. On what, though? That question haunts me.

I hope that everything falls into place when college starts. I hope that somehow I'll find a purpose worth putting the whole of my being behind (whether that purpose involve science or just getting a girlfriend [and I think we all know which one would pose the greater challenge to me :) ]. Then again, I have to realize that "wherever I go, there I am." If I don't change, I shouldn't hope for my situation to change.

Enough of this, though. I hope everyone loves their life right now. I really do, underneath all this "turmoil" and "tribulation." God, I act so emo. Yuck.

Namaste.

Cool Puzzle

2006-07-30T18:37:00.000-04:00

My mom brought me home this really cool optical puzzle pamphlet with the cow and two-faced woman puzzles. Serendipitously, today I found another interesting puzzle on an interesting site.

Try to see how many faces you can find. I found seven, but apparently you should find ten.

I love these sorts of puzzles because they analogically match with enlightenment so well. Enlightenment resembles seeing the faces in a picture where you before saw nothing. Beautiful. And everpresent.

Enjoy.

Oh, and if you liked this one, you can check out Mycoted, the site I got this from. It bills itself as a creativity site. Sounds good to me!

Ooh, and I found a whole bunch more here. Cool beans!

Ænema by Tool

2006-07-29T22:19:00.000-04:00

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
bull-shit three ring cirrrrcus siiiideshow of
Freaks here in this, hopeless fucking, hole we call LA.
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time.
Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.
It's a bull-shit three ring cirrrrrcuus siiideshow of
freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA.
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time.
Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
stupid shit, silly shit, stupid shit...
One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.
Learn to swim.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to beeeeeeeee.

Learn to swim.
Fuck L Ron Hubbard and Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all these gun-toting Hip gangster wannabes.
Learn to swim.
Fuck retro anything. Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and Fuck your short memory.
Learn to swim.
Fuck smiley glad-hands with hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses.
Learn to swim.
Cuz I'm praying for rain
and I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna see it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all awaaaaaaaaay.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.
I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.
I wanna see it come down.
Suck it down.
Flush it down.

I just realized how much I like this song. I mean, I knew I liked it, but not until now did I see its true "beauty." You know, in the tragic sort of way.

Though, unfortunately, I can't say I quite fit the bill for the authentic person Tool associates itself with.

Maybe someday.

Quotation

2006-07-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

The difference between Chinese medicine and Western medicine is the dissection versus the observation of the thing in motion. The difference between reading a story and studying a story is the difference between living the story and killing the story and looking at its guts.

School! We sat in English class and we dissected the stories that I'd escaped into, laid open their abdomens and tagged their organs, covered their genitals with polite sterile drapes, recorded dutiful notes en masse that told us what the story was about, but never what the story was. Stories are propaganda, virii that slide past your critical immune system and insert themselves directly into your emotions. Kill them and cut them open and they're as naked as a nightclub in daylight.

- Cory Doctorow, from Eastern Standard Tribe

Hilarious!!!

2006-07-28T16:12:00.000-04:00

the show with zefrank

Seriously, if you haven't started checking out the Show with Zefrank, you're missing out. In this one alone, Ze talks about the barbie that claims "Math is hard," discusses the finer points of how to skillfully learn, and eviscerates a cocky bastard. And you can get it all for free!

Come on, what are you waiting for?!

Cool Article On Sleep

2006-07-28T15:24:00.000-04:00

Go ahead and read this fascinating article on sleep. I though I knew everything about sleep. Shows how little I know...

I especially enjoyed the part about owls and larks. I definitely fall under the owl generalization. And the concept that this may have occurred for evolutionary benefit just makes sense. Evolutionary psychology / sociology really rock.

On a similar note, I think I'll try to get to sleep at a time a little earlier than 0300. Maybe after I get my room back. Yeah, then!

Namaste.

PS Don't get electrocuted!

Thought

2006-07-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

rationalize - v. intr. - To devise self-satisfying but incorrect reasons for one's behavior.

Funny, I always thought of rationalizing as having only positive traits. It contains the word "rational" for God's sake. Now I realize that when I catch myself rationalizing something, the logic lies to me. Even when the logic has no flaws.

Tricky mind.

Testing Time

2006-07-27T12:04:00.000-04:00

Found a new little application for posting (which you can see below has the title of Qumana). I don't know if I like it yet, but we shall see.

Hm, I wonder how well it actually seperates paragraphs (in the viewer, they don't look so seperated).

Hope you all continue to enjoy a magnificent summer.

Namaste.

Powered by Qumana

Big Bang, Little Thought

2006-07-27T03:22:00.000-04:00

Cosmologists think the universe came into existence anywhere between 12 and 15 billion years ago.

That makes a difference of 3 billion years. That's a lot of time. 3 billion years. That's over 30 million human life spans (assuming a 100 year old life).

Damn. Thinking about big numbers can really stretch the brain. Especially at 4 in the morning.

Shit! The Apocalypse!

2006-07-26T15:56:00.000-04:00

I guess it figures that fundies would find the slow destruction of any semblance of peace in the Middle East as a sign for the End of Days. I just forgot about them (I often forget that I live in a Christian (Fundamentalist) Nation...)

Then I consider the make-up of our nation. Here's a passage from Sam Harris' book The End of Faith. He explains the situation better than I could hope to.

According to Gallup, 35 percent of American's believe that the Bible is the literal and inerrant word of the Creator of the Universe. Another 48 percent believe that it is the "inspired" word of the same - still inerrant, though certain of its passages must be interpreted symbolically before their truth can be brought to light. Only 17 percent of us remain to doubt that a personal God, in his infinite wisdom, is likely to have authored this text - or, for that matter, to believe that God has guided creation over the course of millions of years). This means that 120 million of us place the big bang 2500 years after the Babylonians and Sumerians learned to brew beer. If our polls are to be trusted, nearly 230 million Americans believe that a book showing neither unity of style nor internal consistency was authored by an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent deity.

Shit. If that doen't scare you, I don't now what will. Oh, wait, maybe the fact that one of those 35% currently heads one of our branches of government. Fuck.

One last fun factoid: did you know the bible claims that Pi equals 3 (check out 1 Kings 7: 23-26 or 2 Chronicles 4: 2-5)? Yep. Man, if only. Math would take so much less effort... [Well, you do have to do some math first, then you quickly find that Pi =/= 30/10]

I do all of this in fun, of course. Yes. Don't damn me! :)

But if the end does come in the next few years, you can send me straight to Hell. I don't want to hang with the fundies. Or their vindictive god. No fun, that bunch of characters.

Namaste.

Quotation

2006-07-26T00:29:00.000-04:00

Even the libertarians among us aren't opposed to stop lights.

And, as my friend Zig Ziglar points out, they really should be called 'go' lights, because if you take them away, the traffic stops.

Self-organizing systems are terrific, but more often than not, systems don't self-organize. Try to get nine kids to agree on a batting order in Little League and it'll take a week. You could do it in ten seconds and they'll whine and then thank you for it.

Stop lights are essential in almost all marketplaces.

While individuals might moan about how they were treated, we all realize that without some sort of central allocation of scarce resources (like a piece of tarmac or a booth at a trade show), chaos ensues. And the chaos hurts everyone.

- Seth Godin

He He He (I Suffer from Dork-dom)

2006-07-25T12:11:00.000-04:00

Doobie Doobie Doo

2006-07-24T22:10:00.000-04:00

I promised a post on linguistics and how our use of language affects our view of reality. Just not yet.

I presently feel a little down. Nothing to worry about. I know exactly WHY I feel down. Silly, really: I just want to get everything and its sister done (no, no, no, that doesn't mean I want to "do" your sister, you sicko!). And I don't have the will or the way to pick somewhere and just start.

Hm, nothing new. A common problem. I miss the days of video games and TV sometimes. So much simpler back then. Just plop yourself down in front of the TV and either play the latest video game or turn on the best channel.

Damn, that life rocked! Yet accomplished so little. I doubt I would ever convince myself to go back to that way of life. Though it's siren song attracts me sometimes.

And now that I've bored you with my life story, I proudly announce I have finished the DVD for the Science Olympiad Video. All I need to do now involves adding all the raw footage into the DVD-ROM partition. Then completion. And burning.

Finally.

I hope everyone feels wonderful! I do now!

Hip, hip, hurray!!!

The Science Olympiad Movie is DONE

2006-07-24T01:18:00.000-04:00

Woot. The SO movie, for all intents and purposes, is done and ready for the viewing public.

Yeah, I finally got off my procrastinating ass and finished it. And it's beautiful. If I may say so myself. Which I will.

I'll have the DVDs ready by the end of the week for everyone. That's a whole post-production process that shouldn't take anywhere near as long as making the movie itself.

I was thinking of having a premiere get together sometime the week of the 31st. If anyone thinks that's a good idea / would be available for it, give me a holla in the comment section. I'd like to get as much of the SO team involved as possible (realizing that a majority of the SO team does not read this... though they do have relatives / friends that read this!)

Thanks for your patience. I hope you find the movie worth the wait.

Namaste.

More Cool Stuff from Mind Performance Hacks (Learning Styles and Why School Fits Me)

2006-07-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

Remember learning styles? Those things we learned about back four years ago in Speech and Study Skills. Yeah, I haven't given much thought to them since then (or even then, for that matter), but reading through one of the free preview chapters of Mind Performance Hacks (MPH) got me thinking. What style fits me best, really?

First, some background. The makers of VARK (the learning style model I present here) propose four types of learners (well, really five, but the fifth mixes the other four to make a super type): visual, aural, read/write, and kinesthetic. In a nutshell, visuals learn by seeing charts, diagrams and pictures; aurals learn by hearing and saying; read/writes learn by reading notes, books, etc. and then writing their own ideas out; and kinesthetic learn by doing. Pretty self explanatory, but I thought I should just make sure we all share the same definitions.

After taking this questionnaire from the VARK website, I learned that I most match with the read/write learning type. Now, this should not come as a suprise to anyone, especially to myself. However, I always described myself as a "visual" learner, not really considering what that means. The distinction between visual and read/write learners lies mainly in the organization of the information: both systems operate through seeing something, however the visual through seeing holistic systems and diagrams, whereas the read/write operates through big clumps of data (think books).

I hadn't realized it, but I definitely do more closely resemble the read/write than the visual. That comes in handy when I consider how I study (I tend to just read the textbook and notes) and realize that, for me, this really offers the best way for me to assimilate the information.

And with that realization, I also realized something else: modern public schooling contains an incredible bias when it comes to learning styles. I happened to naturally have the tempermant of learning that schools look for: reading and writing (you know, readin', writin', and arithmetic). I can pick up a textbook and absorb the information with little difficulty just by reading it. I can easily regurgitate information in essay form, and even occasionally come up with my own original ideas. However, this presents a major problem for all of the other students out there that do not share this learning type. Admittedly, aural learners, with a little bit of effort, can at least survive (and often thrive) by listening to oral presentations of the curriculum (though even then some teachers do not always lecture and just present worksheet after worksheet). Visual learners probably have an even easier time, since they can easily convert written text and written notes into a more visual, flow-chart-esque format. That leaves the kinesthetics, those who society labels as having "ADHD." Bull. Unfortunately, their active method of learning all but prevents them from reaching their full potential in the classroom.

The even greater travesty rests in society's attempts to pick one learning style and force it upon everyone. The latest fad attempts to make up for the neglect towards visual learners by proposing that all students use flow charts and diagrams to learn. At the other end of the spectrum, some educators propose teaching science type activities by demonstration and "real world" (read watered down) situations. In both of these situations, I much prefer my method of reading information straight from a book, though I realize that others must also be taken into account.

I suppose then the challenge rests with future educators and administrators to find a way to first realize and then implement the idea of different learning styles. Add to that the concept of multiple intelligences, and educational models quickly gains many levels of complexity. However, as with most concepts, the more complex the model, the simpler the solution.

I hope some found this vignette interesting and thought provoking. If you did, you most likely utilize mostly the read/write learning style. :)

On the more personal side, now I realize why I much prefer reading and writing to just about anything else. It takes all kinds. And I feel relieved knowing what "kind" I take.

PS - Wow, writing without "to be" makes me sound all academic like. I don't know if I really like that too much... Or maybe the academic voice just kind of surfaced on this topic. Who knows.

And on another note, I need to remember that "the map is not the territory." These styles are great tools for thinking about how we think, but they are not in fact how we think. :)

Telekinesis / Telepathy, Anyone?

2006-07-23T12:13:00.000-04:00

Apparently the dreams paranormal connoisseurs interest members of the scientific community. This article discusses technology a person plugs into his brain that allows a him to control electronic devices (ie computers, tv's, etc.).

The "next step" for this technology, other than just improving it (but technological capacity doubles every year or so!), involves creating devices that can control cars, airplanes, etc. And then, telepathy!!!

Man, this era rocks! We keep seeing more and more advances that at one time resembled "magic." And we get it thanks to science. Just think what nanotechnology will do with this. [Goosebumps]

Namaste.

Wanna Learn Morse Code (And Other Cool Things)

2006-07-22T22:43:00.000-04:00

I found a rather amazing book titled Mind Performance Hacks while perusing through the good 'ol RSS Reader (well, I consider it an amazing book [for reasons I will elucidate later]).

Critics hail this book as "a toolbox that you can use to improve your performance and understand things that often are unconsciousy occurring to us on a regular basis." Topics include memory, information processing, creativity, math, decision making, communication, clarity, and mental fitness. Keep in mind all of this stems from the concept of the mind as software. An apt metaphor, considering the brain as the hardware. I like it.

Anyway, this book reminds me of my freshman days of high school. At that time, I spent a great deal of my leisure hours learning memory techniques and other "brain enhancing activities" (yeah, I definitely acted like quite the dork, trying to learn as much as possible... quite the Renaissance Man). If I had found this then (admittedly, it didn't exist then), I might have peed myself (wait, that happened Sophomore year...).

Anyway, if you would like to learn how to use Morse Code in a day (I have the whole system more or less memorized, and I started at around 1300 today and only spent 1 hour max on it spread throughout the day) as alluded to in the title of this post, check out this link to a PDF file. In fact, check out all of the free PDF's here. Every last one of these hacks opens your mind to wider and greater possibilities. At least, they did for me.

Once you've exhausted the hacks, head on over to Ludism.org to read up on more mind performance hacks (the author of this site authored Mind Performance Hacks). Lots more thought provoking material here, for free.

One of the more interesting concepts shared on this wiki, known as E-Prime, proposes removing the verb "to be" and all its conjugations from the English Language. I hope to discuss the implications of this idea at in a future post. This idea opens many doors into linguistic theory. (If you haven't noticed, I haven't used the verb "to be" yet, and it's [there it is!] been a bitch. Just trying to eliminate the verb itself offers an eye-opening experience. And makes me sound like a major douche).

I hope you find all of this as interesting as I do. If not, I will feel very dorky. :( And you wouldn't want that! :)

Namaste.

I always k/new (I hate homonyms) learning felt good...

2006-07-22T17:58:00.000-04:00

A new study shows that understanding something new releases in-body opiates.

Yeah, I knew I loved learning for a reason. My elders have always lauded me for "learning for learning's sake."

If only they all knew I I learned to get that fix. Though I imagine they already knew that. Everyone knows the high resulting from learning something new and interesting.

I suppose a learning addiction trumps a drug addiction. Maybe...

Raising the ever ubiquitous question: does learning constitute a drug?

Why The Future Doesn't Suck as Much as You Think

2006-07-21T15:41:00.000-04:00

I had a minor epiphany yesterday as I lay down to go to bed. I was thinking about the past a lot (I did that again today... for future reference, not such a great idea!), and thinking about the future. Unfortunately, the only thing I didn't think about was the present.

But in all that thinking, something good grew. I realized an interesting fact about how we humans (or at least I) think about the future. Often, when we think about the future, we assume it will be just like the present, but at a later date. We don't believe that anything could possibly change, especially not ourselves. The future seems like a fixed point, instead of a ever changing mirage on the horizon.

So, take for example a common anxiety of a first year college: the loss of your current (high school) friends and the fear that you won't make any friends at college. It seems as this by itself should call for a reason to never go to college. "What, I'm going to be away from all my current friends! But, I've spent my entire life with these people! How could I live without them? They're irreplaceable!"

Yeah, that's true. They are irreplaceable. But the error in this way of thinking is that you'll never meet any more people that you connect with. That the moment you leave your hometown and go to college, from that moment on, you'll never make any new friends.

It's just so irrational a thought. But it's one I've had. I still have it. I wonder what the first few months of college will be like. What the first few days will be like, when I must take into my own hands whether I meet new people or just make a tragic rerun of Governor's School. It's scary, God yes. But only when I imagine, despite al of the evidence to the contrary, that I can't do it.

The future isn't the present. In fact, the future doesn't exist. But when the future does become the present, the present will be completely different from how it is now. It always will be. Because change is, ironically, the only constant in this universe.

In short, don't worry about making friends in college. Don't worry about losing your current friends. You won't make friends only if you make no effort to make friends. You'll lose friends only if you make no effort to keep them.

It's that simple.

Namaste

A Month from Yesterday

2006-07-21T11:26:00.000-04:00

Huh, I go to Ursinus a month (well, a 31 day month) from yesterday. How about that. How the freak about that.

College. Interesting.

Oh, and I found out that the XC run is a 8k. Hm, I might be able to do that. :)

Namaste.

Nocturnal Energies

2006-07-20T23:46:00.000-04:00

I find that the night has so much more energy than the daytime. Strange, one would think it's the other way around. But at night, the silence is such a blessing. And the solitude.

It might also be that the infernal television downstairs is off. I hate TV. I really do. I know that a good part of my hatred is irrational and unnecessary, but that doesn't change it.

Anyway, I'm considering switching my biological clock over to nightime waking, daytime sleeping (for the rest of the summer). I think I'll get much more done this way and enjoy my waking hours much more. And I can enjoy the silence and energy of nightime.

I look forward to having my own home (probably an apartment) someday, just because I'll be able to have this nightime feeling (namel solitude and quiet) 24/7. I think. Though I will miss the family.

Just thought I'd share. I mean, I guess this isn't anything special. Just typical teenage circadian rhythms. I'm just going to stop fighting mine.

Namaste.

Holy Shit, This is Funny

2006-07-20T17:57:00.000-04:00

Here's a exemplary Zefrank video. Man, this one's just freakin' hilarious. I especially like the part how kids wait forever until summer and then realize that it's in fact boring. I used to have that problem. Then I made friends. :)

Plus, the scathing review of modern youth culture and Walmart is, shall we say, perfect?

the show with zefrank

A Critique of Atheists and Secularists

2006-07-20T16:32:00.000-04:00

sums up my hopes for a more authentic atheist.

I especially resonate with the following part:

Like atheism (with which it is more or less interchangeable), secularism is a negative dispensation. Being secular is not a positive virtue like being reasonable, wise, or loving. To be secular, one need do nothing more than live in perpetual opposition to the unsubstantiated claims of religious dogmatists. Consequently, secularism has negligible appeal to the culture at large (a practical concern) and negligible content (an intellectual concern). There is, in fact, not much to secularism that should be of interest to anyone, apart from the fact that it is all that stands between sensible people like ourselves and the mad hordes of religious imbeciles who have balkanized our world, impeded the progress of science, and now place civilization itself in jeopardy.

And now I'm going to drop the atheism thread. I'm sure it's getting boring for everyone (it is for me). In it's place, I'm going to pick up on the meditative technologies thread. Because, honestly, that's the next logical step.

Namaste

Subject Lines in E-Mails

2006-07-20T15:05:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else feel that subject lines in personal e-mails are largely unnecessary?

I think they're really an unnecessary cross over from business e-mails. I mean, when you right a personal letter (a snail mail one) to someone, do you think of a subject line to go with it? No, you just write a message to them and allow them to figure out the "subject" for themselves.

That said, from now on, with personal e-mails, I'm not going to use a subject anymore. But the dreaded "[No Subject]" just looks so spamish. I guess from now on I'll subject my e-mails "Hello and Have a Great Day" or something like that.

Namaste

Should Atheism Matter?

2006-07-20T00:41:00.000-04:00

Since I seem to be beating a dead horse into a fine little pulp (and because I have this suweet widget that lets me post to blogger straight from Dashboard), I want to pose a question. This question can be either rhetorical or non-rhetorical, it's largely up to you.

I was wondering if atheism should even matter in the arena of public (or private) discourse. It's interesting that I'm now thinking that, because I used to think upon atheists with a bit of confusion. I couldn't get how atheists could possibly believe what they believe. But after reading Sam Harris' book, I realized that my problem wasn't with atheism, but with my definition of atheism. I found, via Harris, that an atheist isn't necesarily a reductionist. You can be an atheist and still believe in higher levels of reality. You just can't be an atheist and believe in those realities without proof.

In that sense, Buddhsim (something I've claimed as my religion) is an atheistic tradition. There is no God in it. There is no god in it. There is no Thor, or Zeus, or Yahweh, or Allah. There is only your direct experience of reality.

Wow.

Anywho, I'm beginning to think that this whole issue of atheism is a non-point. It doesn't matter to be an atheist. In fact, atheism has little to no affect on just about anything. As Sam Harris stated, being an atheist is more or less not actually something you could be.

The things I fear are reductionism and positivism. No need to fear atheism. Phew.

Namaste. :)

Atheism: A Primer

2006-07-20T00:32:00.000-04:00

As I continue to try on the atheist cap for size (though I have a feeling this may cause some people to give me strange looks and curiouser thoughts), I offer you the most lucid (free) summary of Sam Harris' work The End of Faith I have yet to find. Read it hear at truthdig.

That's about the jist of the book. Other than that, the book goes into far more detail with the atrocities caused by Christianity (Inquisition, anyone?). It also goes on to describe belief in very solid philosophical and neurological detail. More importantly, in the last quarter of the book, Harris goes on to present a secular vision of ethics and spirituality and explain why these in fact would be more (not less) humane than the religion (read myth) based standards we have today.

If you're interested in the additions, please do read the book. If not, this primer should be enough to get your wheels turning.

Mütter Museum Success

2006-07-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to thank everyone for making the Mütter Museum such a success today. Couldn't have done it without you (quite literally).

This may have been our last get together as the Science Olympiad team (insane!), though I'm still up for a whole team get together where I show off the movie I (still haven't) made. I suppose I could plan that one too and see who's available.

Why? Because planning is fun. Though hard. But isn't that just life!

Huzzah!

Namaste.

Imagine the Tenth Dimension? (A Thought Experiment)

2006-07-19T18:13:00.000-04:00

Came accross this really interesting flash presentation (click on the "Imagining the Tenth Dimension" link on the side) that takes you on a step by step tour through imagining the numerous dimensions (some say up to 11) of the world offered by String Theory.

This is one of the best presentations of ways to visualize 4, 5, and 6 dimensional space. Of course, it goes all the way up to 10th dimensional, but at that point my brain goes "plop."

I especially liked the part that draws a parallel between how we perciever time (as if it flows from a time a to a time b) to how a "flatlander" would perciever a three dimensional object (as if it moves from one cross section to the next). The implication from this is that if we could exist in 5th dimensional space, we could see the 4 dimensional object and therefore see all of time. Psychic implications, anyone? If not, still very cool.

Check out the presentation. This is why I love physics. I'd forgotten why at one point I wanted to go into string theory. Cool shit like this. Yeah!

Namaste.

What do ya want to talk about?

2006-07-19T01:29:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting epiphany. Everyone wants to talk about themselves. Yet everyone wants to have people listen to them talk about themselves. Therefore, there's this constant give and take between people talking about themselves and people listening (about themselves?).

I think that's one of the main differences between introverts and extroverts: though both may wish to talk about themselves, an introvert is less willing to actually do it. If you ever observe a conversation (as I've been prone to do over the past year), you'll notice that about 70% (yes, that's an arbitrary number) of it involves someone telling a story, relating an event from their day, or voicing an opinion. That never fails. And that's why extroverts can continue on with the conversation, making it all seem to flow from one concept to the other (because they keep talking about something [invariably something interesting] that happened to them) while an introvert will stumble to continue a conversation because they don't see how anyone could possibly be as interested in the introvert's internal / external world as that person is in his own.

Wow, random tangent, but I'd meant to get that thought out there for a while.

Now to the real point of this post. I was wondering if anyone would like to give me some topics to talk about. Maybe your'e interested in the inner machinations of my mind, or would just like a different spin on something you've been thinking about. No topic is off limits. I'm open to "ruminating" (haven't heard that word in a while) on anything.

This is what I had in mind with Think Bowl. I find the perspectives and colorings of our thoughts fascinating. And I figured we would want to share these thoughts with other people in an open forum. I thought of it as win-win. The site fizzled (though I see Lenny offered a thoughtful post just yesterday!), but the thought's still a good one.

I just thought I'd share that with you all. Thank you for your readership thus far. I've especially appreciated any and all comments, positive or negative. They all show me that you're genuinely interested and help to keep me on my toes, intellectually and as a person.

Namaste.

Quotation

2006-07-19T01:23:00.000-04:00

If you are willing to discipline yourself, the physical universe won’t need to discipline you.

-Leonardo da Vinci

Right in Two by Tool

2006-07-18T23:00:00.000-04:00

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they're all confused.

Don't these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly old monkeys,
Wonders when you're bound to divide it

Right in two

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
(and this is what they choose)
Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.

Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there's one they're
bound to divide it,

Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They make a club
And beat their brother..down.

How they survive so misguided is a mystery..here
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability,
to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here..

Cut it right all, right in two

They fight, till they die
Over earth, over sky
They fight
Over lies, over blood, over air
And fight, over love, over sun
Over blood
They fight, till they die, over what? for our lies!

Angels on the sideline again
Been so long with patience and reason
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end

Cut it right all, right in two
Right in two

Right in two...

Seems only appropriate considering the current world situation.

Quotation

2006-07-17T15:09:00.000-04:00

It may sound paradoxical but it's not. I'm advocating a kind of conversational intolerance. It's really the same intolerance we express everywhere in our society when someone claims that Elvis is still alive, or that aliens are abducting ranchers and molesting them. These are beliefs that many people have. But these beliefs systematically exclude them from holding positions of responsibility. The person who's sure that Elvis is still alive and expresses this belief candidly does not wind up in the Oval Office or in our nation's boardrooms. And that's a very good thing. But when the conversation changes to Jesus being born of a virgin or Mohammed flying to heaven on a winged horse, then these beliefs not only do not exclude you from holding power in society; you could not possibly hold power, in a political sense, without endorsing this kind of thinking.

It should be terrifying to us because many of these beliefs are not just quaint and curious, like beliefs in Elvis. These are beliefs about the end of history, about the utility of trying to create a sustainable civilization for ourselves -- specifically, beliefs in eschatology. These are maladaptive. For instance, if a mushroom cloud replaced the city of New York tomorrow morning, something like half the American people would see a silver lining in that cloud because it would presage to them that the end of days are upon us.

- Sam Harris from a Salon.com Interview

A great display of what is post-Political Correctness.

Quotation

2006-07-17T10:36:00.000-04:00

Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage.

- Anais Nin

Sam Harris = Brilliant

2006-07-17T03:08:00.000-04:00

Wow, I just finished (well, in truth, I finished it a little over two hours ago, but I've been going strong [even going to keep up with that Goldeneye promise. :)]) The End of Faith by Sam Harris. One, well, maybe two words! Frickin' brilliant. He pulls the sheet out from under religion in one of the most provocative, scientific (and not materialist!), and articulate ways I've ever experienced. At the same time, he offers the place for a rational, secular approach to understanding reality at it's most basic (read spiritual) level. Beware of many head-aches as your dualistic mind tries to wrap itself around it's final demise. :)

I highly recommend this brilliant book. I'll talk more about some of it's high points in later (though not later [time of day]) posts. If you're interested and don't yet want to buy the book (or get it from the library, for that matter), check out some of Harris' writings and television appearances. They're good stuff.

Yeah, it's nice to watch Sam talk to the "moderate" religionists. The ones that somehow claim stem cell research causes cancer?! Wow. That's right up there with the "scientific studies" that prove that abortions cause breast cancer.

PS - And now I may broach an interesting area I haven't considered: am I an atheist? Maybe. But not in the way most people consider this idea.

Peace.

Quotation

2006-07-16T00:25:00.000-04:00

Christopher Luxenberg (this is a pseudonym), a scholar of ancient Semitic languages, has recently argued that a mistranslation is responsible for furnishing the Muslim paradise with "virgins" (Arabic hur, transliterated as "houris" -literally "white ones"). It seems that the passages describing paradise in the Koran were drawn from earlier Christian texts that make frequent ues of the Aramaic word hur, meaning "white raisins." White reasins, it seems, were a great delicacy in the ancient world. Imagine the look on a young martyr's face when, finding himself in a paradise teeming with his fellow thugs, his seventy houris arrive as fistfuls of raisins.

- From The End of Faith by Sam Harris

Wow, that's awesome. Right up there with the mistranslation of "almah" (Hebrew for "young woman") from Isaiah in the Gospel of Matthew to mean "virgin." I guess "young woman birth" doesn't have quite the same ring as "virgin birth," and it's definitely nowhere near as miraculous.

Just goes to show, always check your work! It may define history for the next 2000+ years.

Quote

2006-07-14T01:13:00.000-04:00

What am I? What is a person? I'm a pattern of matter and energy. I'm not this stuff that I'm looking at, because these particular particles were all different six months ago. We know that our cells turn over pretty quickly, and although our neurons persist longer, their constituent parts, the tubules and filaments, actually get turned over in days or weeks. Within a matter of months, all of the cells, or at least all of the systems within the cells, are changed. What persists is a pattern. I'd like to compare it to the pattern that water makes in a stream. When it's cascading around a rock, you can see a certain pattern, and that pattern can stay the same for hours or even months or years. But the water molecules that make up the pattern are changing within milliseconds. The pattern itself gradually changes as well—both the pattern of water in a stream and the pattern in our own bodies and brains—but there's a continuity even in this gradual change.

- Ray Kurzweil

HILL-arious!

2006-07-12T12:37:00.000-04:00

Found an interesting site called Fundies Say the Darndest Things! Turns out that I didn't come up with the word Fundie... But on a brighter note, I have all these funny comments to read!

Here's a highlight to wet your appetite!

Let me give you something real simple so that a child can understand it. DNA code is made up of ACGT. The A here is the first letter in the alphabet. It is the beginning and DNA is also the beginning of everthing that is living. C stands for Christians. It is the Christians that are here to deliver God's message to the world. G of course stands for God. It is God who is expressing Himself in the DNA and thus God is expressing Himself in Creation. The T of course expresses God and the head or in His leadership over man. There is a lot that can be said about this, but now is not the place. If you have a small t then of course you have the cross that Jesus gave Himself for us. If you have a small g you will see that God has expressed Himself in us. The small c of course represents our humility before God. If we have pride or ego or are puffed up before God, then it is not going to work according to God's plan and purpose. The small a of course shows how things start off small in the beginning and over time they become greater. A journey of 1000 steps begins with one step. A study of the Bible begins with one word and one passage at a time.

JohnR7, Christian Forums [Comments (51)] [2006-Jul-01]

Brilliant. Really.

Sorry if anyone's a fundamentalist and reading this, but I'm not one to be PC. That's just not what I do. I'd respect your beliefs - if you were a six year old. But you're not. So, um, it's not cool to believe in the easter bunny (read your anthropomorphic god) anymore.

Not to pick on just the Christians. It's equally not cool for Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Sheiks, Pagans, Communists (Mao is NOT God), and Scientismists. It just so happens that Christians are in the majority here.

:0

Namaste.

Hm

2006-07-12T00:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I had written a whole big long awesome post. And then blogger killed it. Though, to be honest, my silly absent-mindedness killed it. So, no harm done, blogger?

Because of that, I'll just be leaving you with the links to everything, and trust that you can fill in the blanks that would have been an awesome post. Think of it as Mad Libs. Trust me, every click is worth is. I'll even give you an interesting, descriptive link title for each site.

The Funniest Show You Can Watch with Your Pants on (With Some Sarcasm, Current Events, and Plain Old Common Sense)

The Best Online Radio that Doesn't Rhyme with Baboo

An Interesting Exercise In Seeing If Music Can Be Broken Down Into Genetic Bits And Still Be Found Enjoyable (IE This Will Find Lots of Songs You Didn't Know You Liked)

I Now Know How to Tie My Shoe in not one, not two, but THREE ways!!!

And to think, I could have just rewritten the post. Psha.

PS - If you haven't checked out the Chi Movie blog recently, there's some commotion over there. And by commotion, I mean I think we'll get together tomorrow between 1600 and 1800 at an undetermined location (probably my house).

Everything is OK by Halou

2006-07-11T13:13:00.000-04:00

Break it all down into simplest terms.
There, was that so bad?
Now, is that so bad?
You doubt yourself so much you don't even
Know what you really want, or how you really feel.

And I'm so tired
Of you constantly over-thinking.
I know why, because everything's going OK.
Just your style, to break it all into pieces,
I know why, because everything's going OK.

Disregard your inner monologue
Don't try to drown it out, 'cause it'll only wear you out.
Sometimes things are just beyond control
That has to be OK, you don't have a choice

And I'm so tired
Of you constantly over-thinking.
I know why, because everything's going OK.
Just your style, to break it all into pieces,
Just one time, I've had just about all I can take

Everything is unacceptable
If you overanalyze,
And that is just your style.

Donnie Darko: Amazing

2006-07-10T21:52:00.000-04:00

I saw the movie Donnie Darko today and I have one word for it: amazing. I've now discovered my favorite genre of movie for certain: the pyschological thriller. That list includes works like Donnie, as well as a movie I hold in equally high esteem, The Butterfly Effect.

I don't know what it was about this movie that just gelled with me. I suppose part of it had to do with the theme of the movie: how life really has no meaning at all, yet humans are meaning finding machines that must search and eventually come upon their own meaning.

At the same time, the movie parodies the self-help gurus that I all to often listen to and believe with a tad too much conviction. These men and women that offer perpetual happiness and joy, with no sorrow mixed into the lot. That promise a better tomorrow, if you'll just employ technique x, y, or z.

Maybe that's why at this moment in my life, I felt so attracted to this movie. I've been living in a "happy-go-lucky" world a lot as of late, and I haven't gotten a lot of the tragic into the mix. I find myself attracted to the tragic. Strangely attracted. Like to this movie, or to Butterfly, or to this poem from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. There's just something more beautiful about the uglier parts of life. At times I feel like those things are the more real. The only reality.

Very existentialist.

However, the important thing is to realize that neither the happy-go-lucky nor the tragic are what reality really is. Reality can't be put into words. It can be whatever you want it to be. But even that won't be reality.

I like this quote from UC, Irvine Cognitive Scientist Donald Hoffman: "There are no public brains, only my brain experiences and your brain experiences. These brain experiences are just the simplified visual experiences of homo sapiens, shaped for survival in certain niches. The chances that our brain experiences resemble some mind-independent truth are remote at best, and those who would claim otherwise must surely explain the miracle." In other words, the chances that we, or our instruments, or anything we use actually register actual reality is very small.

So no matter what you decide to believe, chances are, it's partial.

That being said, the partiality of the moment for me is the tragic side of life.

Mad World by Tears for Fears

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

Poem from Perks of Being a Wallflower

2006-07-10T21:41:00.000-04:00

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Mmm, Lateral Growth (and "The Movie")

2006-07-10T14:12:00.000-04:00

I've been experiencing a lot of "lateral growth" (a concept I picked up via Scott Young's blog via this article). Just been doing random things. Branching out. Though, a lot of these random things have been rather introverted, so you probably haven't seen me doing them. That's all good though.

Anygay, I don't know if I've "earned" this lateral growth phase, but I'm really enjoying it, so who cares!?

Speaking of gay (no, not really), we need our oh so great omnipotent movie organizer (you know I love you Dave!) to plan out our next get together for the "movie." Preferably soon. And we should probably start filming. Just so we have something. We can just run with it.

Keep on rockin' everyone. I hope you're enjoying life. It's freakin' awesome, isn't it!

Namaste.

Free What Is Enlightenment? Subscription

2006-07-10T11:45:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. I just got an e-mail from the good people at What is Enlightenment offering me the chance to give a free one year subscription of their magazine to one of my friends. I was just wondering if anyone's interested?

I figure you might want to know a little about What Is Enlightenment? (WIE) before making any choices regarding it. WIE is a magazine about spirituality on the cutting edge. It covers everything from reincarnation (yes, it may be possible!) to the permanent elongation of the human life span (apparently that too may be possible). This last issue was about how spirituality may look in the coming century. No, this isn't all new agey crap. It's real, hardcore spirituality. And yes, there is such a thing.

I greatly enjoy this magazine, and I had to pay for it! So, if anyone's interested, just send me an e-mail or leave me a comment and I'll fill in all your vitals so that you can get a years subscription (4 magazines [it's a quarterly service]) free. No strings attached. As far as I can tell. I'll read deeply into all the fine print for you.

Just wanted to give you all a heads up. Hope you're enjoying your summer. It's almost been a month since we graduated. Hm, seems like so much longer.

Namaste.

Mmmmm

2006-07-08T23:53:00.000-04:00

It's nice to be back. At the same time, I miss some parts of the solitude. And by solitude, I mean having a solo bedroom and not having the TV on 24/7. Ah, that's my heaven.

Anywho, I'm back and ready for action. I don't know what I mean by action, but I know that I'm ready for it!

I just finished reading a book about FLOW, so look forward to me posting more on that in the near future. After I've recuperated a bit. Cuz I'm tired. Hells yeah.

Keep on rockin', everyone.

:)

I'm Back

2006-07-08T22:37:00.000-04:00

Woot!

Life is Wonderful by Jason Mraz

2006-07-04T18:25:00.000-04:00

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It is so...

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la

It is so...wonderful...
It is so meaningful...

Quiet Desperation, Indiana, and The Fourth

2006-07-04T18:10:00.000-04:00

Let me start with the most important of the things in my title: the fourth!!! Happy fourth of July. This marks the middle of our summer, more or less. More importantly, it marks the symbol of the birth of our nation (because everyone knows that nothing all that important happened on the 4th in 1776, but we can pretend for the sake of all those that don't!). A nation that for better or for worse has been at the head of this ship called Earth. May we take this day to reconsider what it means to be an American, but more importantly, to be human.

Next most important (look at me using my communication skills, Dave! :) ), Indiana. I'm going away to Indiana for the next four days with my mom to visit my grandmother. I might not have much of a stable internet connection, so if I don't, I look forward to seeing everyone when I come back. I know Chi will keep on running without me. Will I keep on running without Chi? Most probably.

Now, the least important topic. I've been suffering from a major case of "quiet desperation," to quote my good buddy Henry David. It started right with summer. Well, almost. It started more after the first week had passed and I thought, 'Hm, what have I accomplished?' That single, simple question has haunted me for the past two weeks (wow, it's only been two weeks? It seems so much longer?!) Hm, more importantly, I still have 7 weeks left of summer. I think, unless I'm making some gross miscalculation of my day counting.

Well, that by itself lifts the quiet desperation a bit. I thought I'd blown my entire summer! It still doesn't fix the fact that I need to find something to do with this summer that makes me feel like I didn't fiddle it away. A job's off the table: I've more or less given up searching. I'm sure I could get a job if I really tried (I'll flatter myself that), but I don't really think it's worth it anymore. I'll just wait until Spring Break of Freshman year.

The solution I've come up with to deal with my "quiet desperation" is to realize that I don't have to do anything. This isn't a new idea. I've had it many times before. I'm sure I'll forget it and realize it many more times. The point is, everything I do is by choice. And in the summer, I just have a lot more choices. I've been turning that into "I have a lot I have to do!" instead of realizing it means I don't have to do anything. In fact, I could just spend this entire summer playing video games or reading beach books. That's how I spent most of my summers before 10th grade. That doesn't fill me up anymore. But that doesn't mean I have to do everything! I can choose. One or two things. Do them well. And then move on.

I don't think I can express how much freedom this gives me. I honestly feel like a 10 ton weight has been lifted off my chest.

Well, once again, enjoy the fourth. Watch some fireworks! Enjoy the next week without me! Peace and quiet! :)

Namaste.

Progress. It's for the Strong.

2006-07-03T23:45:00.000-04:00

Hm, after watching October Sky, I suddenly feel like I've only been running around in circles my entire life. True, I have accomplished a few things, but all of those things have just been by coasting. Very few things in my life have been accomplished by sheer force of will, determination, and passion.

I wonder sometimes how it is fair that someone that's spoiled like me gets everything, while someone from the very bottom of society gets NOTHING. Yet that person from the very bottom can manage to far surpass me by their drive alone, while I continue to sit here and spin my wheels.

I'd like to say that "things will be different" in college. That I'll actually take a path other than the one of least resistance. That I'll actually push myself for once in my life. To do something great. To be something great.

I just don't know.

In October Sky, Homer manages to beat the odds. Not because he waited for things to get better before he followed his dream. Not because he asked for the approval of the townspeople. No, he did it because he knew he had to.

Tony Robbins has a saying that the great men and women in the world got to where they are not because of resources, but because of resourcefulness. With enough creativity, drive, and passion, a person starting from the bottom can work their way up to anything they can dream of.

I need to remember that. I won't get anywhere if I only travel on sunny days. Resourcefulness, not resources.

Namaste.

Marching Band ?!?!?!

2006-07-03T00:45:00.000-04:00

My power went out today around 21:00 (yeah, I've gotten to using military time because I tend to screw up the AM/PM), so I decided to go for a little walk just for fun. Interestingly enough, while I was walking, my mind switched to thoughts of marching band. I just thought to myself "four-e-and-uh-one" while my left foot came down. Not far behind came the thought of "eight-e-and-uh-one-cross-two."

What the heck is going on here, I thought. Then memories of band camp and seasonal practice flooded into my mind. I quickly thought of all the basics I've ever done, and all the fun "box" exercises.

Then, somehow, a feeling of dread washed over me. I so wanted to be able to go back and do marching band, but I knew my time had come and gone. Ursinus doesn't have a marching band and I'd never make it in drum corps. That's when it hit me: marching band is over for me.

I know what you're thinking: wow, this kid is a giant hypocrite. He claimed he hates marching band, and now he's singing its praises. Yeah, you're right. 100%. But I just happen to be at that phase of the summer where marching band looks like a really fun idea. When band camp is something to look forward to not just for the challenge of marching, but for the companionship of other members.

The mind weaves very interesting webs. I'm suprised I fell into this one. Nostalgia is king. Or queen.

PS - Speaking of nostalgia, I came across an interesting feature in iTunes that has a compilation of some of the most popular songs in any year from 1960 to 2005. It's really weird to look back on the individual years. I didn't become much of a mainstream music listener until freshman year of highschool, but even just looking at the popular songs from those years opens up a door to nostalgia and memories. Go ahead and try it. Even if you just listen to the 30 second samples per song (or sign up for Napster and listen to all of them for just $9.95 a month! if you're a iTunes hater :) ). See what pops up.

Namaste.

Yay, Interweb!!!

2006-07-02T14:28:00.000-04:00

We bought a new router so I'm no longer pirating interweb. Sigh. But it's much nicer having a reliable, fast connection. Even if it costs money.

Woohoo!

Funny Quote

2006-07-02T00:54:00.000-04:00

Whether your path to enlightenment is eightfold or twelvefold, or six-point-oh-two-times-ten-to-the-twenty-third-fold, a little music can well assist you in your journey. Gathered from the four corners of our round Earth (meditate on that for a while), this music captures the moment.

- From iTunes Essentials: Meditation Music

Voltage and Free Music

2006-07-01T23:32:00.000-04:00

I found this really cool music store, eMusic. It's a subscription based store that works by giving you 20 downloads per month for a fee of $9.99. You can work that out in your head. That's right, 50 cents per song. 50 Cent would be pleased!

The only minor catch is that the site offers mainly indie songs. Now, it carries indie rock, new age, electronic, country, and rap. Not too shabby.

The even better part is that it offers you 20 free songs just for trying the service for free for two weeks. Uh, suweet. I got me some new age music (an album called Buddha Nature) and plan on downloading the new album by Dashboard Confessional and some Moby. I mean, it's free music. Take it!!! And if you like the service, keep on. If not, dump it.

That's my act of kindness for today. I hope you take advantage and enjoy your free music.

Now to the voltage part of my story. You see, our cable modem and wireless router have been acting up as of late, so I tried to fix them by unplugging. That's supposed to reset them. Long story short, I switched the plugs when plugging them back in (they're damn near identical) and they have different voltages. You know what that means? It means I fried the one that had the lower voltage (that being the router). So, no wireless for me until I buy a new router. How am I posting this now, you ask? I'm pirating wireless off of someone in the neighborhood right now. I'm a rebel!

And it turns out that both the modem and the router have nifty little "reset" buttons on the back that you activate via a paper clip. Go figure.

So, the lesson here is don't unplug more than one electronic device with a similar cord at a time. Or pay careful attention if you do. Unless you want to shell out 40 bucks for a new router.

A Review of Way of the Peaceful Warrior

2006-07-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to write a review on Way of the Peaceful Warrior. I finished reading it Monday into Tuesday (that should tell you something about the book: I rarely read them in almost one sitting) and intended to write a review then, but life had other plans for me. So now, here it is.

Some of you may have heard of the upcoming (well, it's actually out already, but not anywhere on the East Coast) movie Peaceful Warrior. If you haven't seen the preview for it, you can check that out here. That movie is based on the semi-autobiographical book Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman.

Way of the Peaceful Warrior (or WPW for short) is about the journey of a young man by the name of Dan Millman from a typical 'life of quiet desperation' to something akin to the Eastern concept of enlightenment. However, most people reading or seeing this journey, if not exposed to Eastern-esque schools of thought, might view this as a typical "coming of age story" because it's quite different from all the bildüngsromans (I've always wanted to use that word!!!) typical to Western culture.

Anyway, you can read all of this somewhere else. The thing that really interests me about WPW is the set-up. This book is coined as a "personal growth" book, but it's quite clearly fictional. But that's the greatest part. The way the books set up, you can see the passage of Dan through time, see him grow. And in a way, you can grow along with him.

That's where the tricky part comes in, though. Although you can experience Dan's highs and lows, you can't tap into them in the same way that Dan can. You can't do that until you put in the effort. There are no free lunches. You must follow the path.

But the path is well trodden by many people, and this book simply offers the Way to a modern audience. Whether the path of the Samurai, the Buddhist monk, the Christian Saint, or the humanistic philosopher, all roads lead to Rome.

All in all, I highly recommend Way of the Peaceful Warrior. It's a good, entertaining read in and of itself, with an excellent plot and compelling characters. Add to that the philosophical and spiritual areas covered, and you have a summer beach read that might just WAKE YOU UP. (It did me, but I went right back to sleep).

GodAIM, Part 3

2006-07-01T01:45:00.000-04:00

SexyDaveDarmon: Hey, god, um, you there?

Godizzle: Does the little icon say "available?"

SexyDaveDarmon: Point taken.

Godizzle: Good, now, what's up?

SexyDaveDarmon: I have something to ask you about. Something that's been bothering me.

Godizzle: Is this "thing" more of a heaven or earth question?

SexyDaveDarmon: I guess more of an earth one. Though, what's the difference?

Godizzle: Nevermind that. Okay, so, it's a question of the earth. We need to get some more Heaven in this jaun thing. Word!!!

SexyDaveDarmon: Yes, well, maybe later. For now, I really have this problem.

Godizzle: Really, you have a problem? Let me play Ramana Maharshi on your ass and ask, "Who are you?"

SexyDaveDarmon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's real great. We could get far into that rabbit hole and never come out. But for now, can I just get on with my question?

Godizzle: "Your" question? Now, who is this "you."

SexyDaveDarmon: Dude.

Godizzle: Okay, okay, okay. What's this problem?

SexyDaveDarmon: I can't quite figure something out. It's really something quite simple, but it's blowing my mind, so to speak.

Godizzle: And...

SexyDaveDarmon: My question is this: where does one draw the line between introspection and narcissism?

Godizzle: Fuck lines.

SexyDaveDarmon: Huh?

Godizzle: I said "fuck lines."

SexyDaveDarmon: How can I "fuck" lines?

Godizzle: Simple. Stop drawing them. Or I should say, stop letting your mind draw them.

SexyDaveDarmon: What do you mean?

Godizzle: Look at the real world. Are there any lines? Any lines that haven't been drawn by you?

SexyDaveDarmon: Well, yeah, of course. There's hot and cold. And, uh, acid / base. And of course, you and me.

Godizzle: Bull. You know that's all bull. None of those dichomotomies exist unless you make them so. And you know that's true.

SexyDaveDarmon: So, you're saying that I make all the divisions out there. None of them are really there? Everything is "one," right?

Godizzle: Yep.

SexyDaveDarmon: I don't know, that just seems a little too simple to me.

Godizzle: Yep.

SexyDaveDarmon: You seem pretty sure of all this.

Godizzle: Hey, I'm god.

SexyDaveDarmon: But can we get back to my question. Disregarding the fact that the narcissism/introspection dichotomy doesn't actually exist, in my world it does, and it's bugging me.

Godizzle: When do you feel most full? Most complete?

SexyDaveDarmon: When I'm learning and growing.

Godizzle: Have you ever encountered a time when this learning and growing didn't help those around you?

SexyDaveDarmon: Most of the time. I mean, I don't do charity or donate much money to poor people or anything like that. I'm pretty lousy at helping the world.

Godizzle: What do you do with your time?

SexyDaveDarmon: Nothing of much importance. That's why I feel like shit at the end of the week.

Godizzle: So, the problem isn't whether or not your being narcissistic or introspective, it's whether or not you're actually living a conscious, growth-filled life, right?

SexyDaveDarmon: Hm, I guess it is! I wouldn't have thought of that!

Godizzle: And that's why you're not god!

SexyDaveDarmon: Touché!

Godizzle: Well, I'm off to enjoy my summer. You might try doing that instead of worrying so much about accomplishing things. This is your last summer before college, you know? And it'll be over in a flash.

SexyDaveDarmon: Yeah, thanks God. You're always a great help.

Godizzle: No problem. Peace.

SexyDaveDarmon: Namaste.

Godizzle signed off at 10:58

Dude... (TEDTalks)

2006-06-29T22:48:00.000-04:00

Okay, this "dude" is completely unrelated to the previous one. But it still merits the dude.

I was looking up Podcasts, and I stumbled upon something called TEDTalks. It's from TED, a get together that stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. On the site, one person totes TED as the "pre-Heaven" get together of all the greatest minds in the world.

After watching some of the videos here, I have to agree. Not only are these people brilliant and passionate, they're funny. My personal favorite is below. It's from David Pogue, a technology columnist. Warning: Pogue is a known Mac aficionado, so prepare for some Windows humor.

I hope you enjoy these presentations. They make me all electrified inside. I know that feeling of inspiration is just a state I'm in. I wish I knew how to get to where they are ALL THE TIME.

Namaste.

Dude...

2006-06-29T11:59:00.000-04:00

I got this video from a Dan Millman newsletter.

Assuming this is real, this kid is amazing. It's like "extreme" gymnastics.

Crazy.

AP Test Scores Are Available by Phone

2006-06-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

If you're interested, our AP scores are available via phone. July 1st, psh!

Anyway, it's $8 a pop (as if College Board hasn't already sucked us dry). A little pricey. But can you put a price on peace of mind?

Since I'm a big loser, er hm, I mean, was curious, I called up and got my scores. I got a five in Bio, a five in Calc, and, the shocker, a five in English. Therefore, judge how well you did in these classes compared to me, and now you have a rather accurate subjective guess to your score. For free. Aren't I nice?

I'm not too suprised by the Bio and Calc scores. No, I'm not conceited, but those tests just seemed easy to me. The English score, on the other hand, was up in the air. Completely. Somehow I pulled through, though. Maybe it was my writing about literarature... I mean... uh... never mind! I expect many more fives in English. The question is, who do we give credit to? Buh buh buuuuuuh!

You can now return to your scheduled programming. Thank you.

Namaste.

Right Where It Belongs by Nine Inch Nails

2006-06-27T15:17:00.000-04:00

See the animal in it's cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you really are alone
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

A More Measured Approach

2006-06-26T23:52:00.000-04:00

I've realized after thinking for way too long that the reason I don't get anything done is because I think too much. Ooh, got you on that one, huh?!

Anyway, my point is that I've been trying to "do" too many things at once and in the process ended up doing none of them. That's tricky.

Now my goal is to be more measured and actually get things done as a result. For example, my big goal for the next 30 days is to get up at 8 AM every day. That may not sound like much (then again, it might sound like a lot), but it's the one thing I'm setting my sights on. I realized that by getting up at 11 AM each day, I waste about 3 hours per day, so that's about 21 hours per week. That's almost a day! Sleep is good, but not THAT good!

Another thing you might notice is more structure at this site. Don't worry, there will still be the willy nilly posts like this one that just spring up organically, but there will also be the more carefully planned out serieses, like GodAIM (The Reckoning), a primer on Buddhism, and more exciting ideas as they pop up.

Why all this sudden decision to get something done? Because I realized that I only have 8 weeks of summer left, no job, and nothing to show for the past two weeks.

Huzzah!

Namaste.

PGSS 2006

2006-06-26T22:03:00.000-04:00

Wow, a year ago today I was at Governor's School for the Sciences. For my first day. Completely lost.

Wow.

I'm glad I don't have that this summer. I'd much rather spend the time with my friends here in Chi for the last time before we all become [insert your college name here] students instead of Chichesterians. Though I imagine, and I'm sure Ed would corroborate, Governor's School can be more fun than anything else in the world.

Wow, that time and place seems way more than a year away. I can remember going there, completely without any desire to get to know anyone. I remember all the amazing people. Really, really amazing. I've been browsing through some of their blogs / livejournals from that time. It's amazing to see the interiors of some of these people. It's such a shame we can only see people's exteriors. That's the least interesting part!

Well, the one person I look forward to reading from is Sir David Pickett, my favorite TA from Governor's School. I can read his Xanga here. He reminds me a lot of myself. I wish I had gotten to know him more when I had the chance. The French L attacks!!! ;)

Time for the summer to really start. Only eight more weeks to go. Not even.

Wow.

Movie Schedule Update

2006-06-26T14:46:00.000-04:00

Well, Holly just called me, and it sounds like she'd like to get together sometime tonight for the movie thing. That's fine with me if it's fine with everyone else.

Hm, I'm thinking I'm going to make a blog dedicated to movie news / information. In fact, I will. And here it is: http://chimovie.blogspot.com/

Thanks for your patience. Check that site for any and all updates (I don't see the point in clogging up this blog with random scheduling).

Hm, technology is marvelous!!!

Namaste.

Movie Schedule

2006-06-26T12:57:00.000-04:00

As long as it's alright with everyone, I'm proposing that we start brainstorming / filming the "movie" (which I imagine we'll have to give a title eventually...) tomorrow. I'm going to take today to get caught up on some of my backlogged work, such as the Science Olympiad Video.

I'm available all day tomorrow. If you could, please post the time you'd prefer to get together here, or just e-mail me. And I guess we need somewhere to meet. We can meet at my house, but I'd prefer not to (not much room for any sort of meeting without interruptions). If anyone has any ideas, feel free to post / e-mail them as well.

Well, thanks for your patience. I'm not the best group coordinator ever, but I'll do my best. Or someone else could take over. You know, whatever works.

So, when we meet tomorrow, have some ideas on hand. Or don't. We'll just have a massive brainstorming session and figure out where we're going with this.

But most of all, this should be FUN. It's summer. Our last one before college.

Thanks everyone.

Namaste.

Quote

2006-06-26T00:14:00.000-04:00

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

- Benjamin Franklin

Quote

2006-06-25T00:14:00.000-04:00

As with all great moments in life, this moment seemed non-descript, commonplace, and mediocre. Then again, so does death, birth, the first kiss, the last goodbye, the first shots of war and the final signing of a peace treaty. All things in life, it seems, pass without careful notice.

- Me

The Urinal Rule

2006-06-25T00:05:00.000-04:00

I realized that I never posted this. That whole censorship thing got to me! But now that I'm out of Chi, I can post anything I want. Well, in all honesty, I could have posted this here at any time, I just forget about it. So, without further ado:

Urinal Rule: Universal Truth or Evolutionary Relic?

A little over a month before the writing of this article, I was introduced to an interesting concept explained to me as "The Urinal Rule." Now, I kid you not, that is exactly how it sounded, with quotation marks and all. This rule, I was told, stated that one... Well, first I suppose I should explain the set-up of a male bathroom for the ladies out there who (hopefully) have never been in a guys bathroom.

In the male lavatory, there are two places in which a man may relieve himself: the toilet and the urinal. The toilet needs no explaining. It's the throne of men, and women, and has been since the dawn of modern plumbing. But the urinal, ah, that is the prize of every man's anatomical advantage. In the typical bathroom, there are anywhere from one to seven urinals, depending on the location. A urinal is like a toilet put on its side, opened up, and barred to the world. And very convenient to pee in, I must add.

Now, back to the Urinal Rule. One thing lacking in my description of urinals is the fact that most urinals are immediately next to one another, with, typically, no divider. Therefore, you, to put it crudely, pee with your neighbor. Now I was told, after an embarassing incident in which I stood next to someone at a urinal, that such an act defies a universal code of male conduct known as, and here it is, the Urinal Rule. I was informed that every man knows for a fact that when there are three urinals, one never, and I mean never, uses the center urinal. If there are two urinals and one is occuppied, the other person must wait their turn. Now, this assumes no divider. With dividers, anything goes. But back to the Urinal Rule. I was quite dismayed by my lack of knowledge in this area. So I decided to conduct a survey.

After a thoroughly unscientific study of my peers, I found that 1 in every 600 men don't know about this urinal rule. So that led me to an interesting thought: perhaps the urinal rule is NOT a universal truth, as I was told. It might be a cultural norm. Or just maybe, and this might get certain people angry at me, it's an evolutionary relic! After asking a very respectable source, I was informed that humans are animals. Okay, I can accept that part. I was also told that humans, as animals, have a natural sense of "personal space" that they wish to maintain between themselves and others. This sense of space depends on numerous factors, including how intimate a person is with the people around them. Interesting.

I took this line of inquiry a step further and found work by a Dr. Edward Hall called Proxemic Theory. This theory states that personal space is not only defined not only by biology, but also by culture. Different cultures have different ways of determing the space that one may enter without causing discomfort. Dr. Hall then divides the world into two types of people, the contact variety and the non-contact variety. The contacts include Arabs, Latin Americans, and Southern Europeans. Contacts have little to no personal space, and because of this don't mind people being near them, or even touching them. The non-contacts include Asians, Northern Europeans, and, not suprisingly, Americans. Non-contacts feel very uncomfortable when someone they are not intimate with gets too close. We are, therefore, a non-contact culture.

And there you have it. One thing is most certain: the urinal rule IS NOT a universal truth. If it is anything, it's a culturally bound tradition affected slightly by biological factors. But that won't change whether or not you feel comfortable urinating next to me. And yet, it makes me feel better to know why.

Levels in Games, Levels in Life

2006-06-23T23:07:00.000-04:00

This is a thought I had a while ago, but I never got around to posting on it, so I will do so now.

After reading about flow, I came to an interesting conclusion: one of the most important components of flow is "clear goals," and such clear goals make video games interesting. Woah! you're thinking. I know, I know, genius.

But it doesn't stop there. My next thought was, "Wouldn't it be interesting to create such a system, something resembling a video game, for ones life?"

Now I've got your attention.

Think about it. What makes games interesting? There's some sort of inherent scoring going on, and the main goal is to increase that score. Now, the "score" may be defined in several ways (getting further in the game, literally increasing the score, etc.), but there is always that score. And it is that score that makes the game interesting. What would a game be without the score to push you to move further and further into the game? Very, very boring.

Same thing with life. Now, I realize that life isn't a video game, but why not apply the same concepts? Create levels, a point system, rewards, etc, and see how it affects life. The first real life video game!

Then again, life is constantly a video game. The question is whether or not it's award winning.

Hm, this is something to think about. I imagine it would be a bitch to actually implement, but the application seems intriguing.

And of course, there's the fact that no amount of "winning" the video game will make you happy. That requires realizing that there is no video game and that you've created the entire illusion to amuse yourself.

Namaste.

INTJ?!

2006-06-23T16:29:00.000-04:00

If you're at all interested in personality tests, an interesting/useful one I've found is the Myers-Briggs. I think it's the one we did in Health class in 10th grade. But then again, I didn't pay much attention in health class...

Anyway, the MB test is based on 4 different continuums, the introvert/extrovert, the sensing/intuitive, the thinking/feeling, and the judging/percieving. When I took the test, I came out to be INTJ, which stands for introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging. From a table on wikipedia that extrapolates the percentage of the human population that's this type, only about 2.1% come out as INTJ. Hm, that's a big minority.

Anyway, take the test for fun if nothing else. Though, like any personality test, take it with a grain of salt. You are you, and not some label. And certainly don't let that label constrict you.

Namaste.

The Stink of Zen

2006-06-23T15:59:00.000-04:00

There's a saying in Zen Buddhism about someone that only thinks about the concepts of Zen instead of practicing them. They're said to "stink of Zen."

I find myself suffering from that affliction. (And I can't seem to spell!). Far too much cerebral activity and far too little action. Luckily, I have three graduation parties to look forward to in the next two days. Hopefully that will allow me to shake up all this stuffiness I've built up over the last week.

You see, it's not that I'm bored with Summer or with what I'm doing. It's just that I think I'm missing out on some of the other things I could be doing. You know, like pleasurable (in that very moment) activities. I feel very ethereal right now, very otherworldly. I need some major grounding.

Hm, sounds crazy. Yes.

Namaste.

Quote

2006-06-23T15:08:00.000-04:00

We need to pay attention to how we generalize, because we generalize about people in so many different ways. For example, if someone was in a relationship with a person who treated them badly, they tend to generalize and think that everyone they become involved with in the future is going to treat them badly as well. In Buddhism, specificity is very important - we must pay attention to the uniqueness of each circumstance and situation.

- Traleg Kyabgon Rinpoche

Quote

2006-06-22T22:35:00.000-04:00

Addictions or attachments to things being different than they are need to be upgraded to preferences, so when "what is" is not what you want it to be, you do not suffer over it and your happiness and peace are therefore not controlled by forces outside of your control.

- Bill Harris

Quote

2006-06-22T22:31:00.000-04:00

If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?

- Rumi

Interest in Personal Growth

2006-06-22T21:20:00.000-04:00

I've thought of an interesting (though not all that new) theory in regards to personal growth and life in general. I call it, quite imaginatively, the Principle of Interest. OOOOOOOH. AAAAAAAAH.

Everyone knows what interest is, but let's get a dictionary definition for clarity's sake: A charge for a loan, usually a percentage of the amount loaned. Wow, after looking for that definition, I realized how important context is in my message. "Interest" has about five or six definitions that might pop up in your mind first. The one I'm using here just happens to be the one that pops up in my head first.

Any-gay (to quote Sean), interest, for our purposes, is when more than the original amount of some "thing" becomes required over time. So, with interest for loan (something we're all familiar with thanks to "higher" (read more expensive) education), if you don't pay the money by time X, you have to pay amount Y more. Pretty simple.

So simple, in fact, that it can be applied to just about any life situation. The Principle of Interest (PI) is why procrastination never works: you'll have to do that "thing" you're putting off eventually, and probably at much higher a cost. The PI is why, in life, it's often better to just bite the bullet. That "right" moment will never come for you to do that one thing, so why not just do it now? If you're planning on doing it eventually, why not just do it now?

Didn't come out quite as eloquently as it was in my head, but that's nothing new.

In short, keep this in mind: if there's something that you have to do that won't benefit from you putting it off (and you'll know when "putting it off" is really a good strategy), consider the fact that you'll have to pay the price eventually anyway, and possibly with interest.

Tada!

Namaste.

You Gotta Eat?

2006-06-22T21:08:00.000-04:00

I've noticed a strange phenomena over the past few days. Nothing especially to worry about, just interesting. Over the past few days, I haven't been all that especially hungry. At all. I don't mean that I haven't been eating. I have been, just as much as or more often than I had in the past. In fact, I still eat every 2.5 to 3 hours, like I've read is best (yeah, you know me and reading things about doing things).

Anyway, after the 3 or so hours have passed, I don't feel the hunger that I normally associate with that time. It's like the Pavlovian instinct somehow got killed. I have to "force" myself to (though force is far too strong a word, more like I have to make a conscious decision to) eat. I don't have any problem getting the food down. I just don't really want to eat it.

I'm going to mark this one up to the fact that I am eating regularly. Over the school year, meals can be seperated by five to six hours. That just doesn't happen during the summer. I guess my body just normalizes and gives me the option to not eat.

Then there's also the fact that I'm more or less constantly engaged during the summer. There may be times when I reach a state of overwhelm, but never when I reach a state of boredom. If I'm fully in the "moment," to use a cliche, I don't feel the need to stop that activity and eat.

Interesting. Nothing all that important or profound (especially to someone that's not me), but I just felt like sharing.

You are now free to go about your day.

Namaste.